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Entitled neighbours dictating how we live

159 replies

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 10:36

Our neighbours have pretty much always made life hell. We are terraced in the middle and both sides are like clones of each other. When their children were little they would play in our private garden. They would jump over the fence and use our window as a goal for their ball. Unbelievably both sides thought we were unreasonable for wanting them to stop. Their antisocial behaviour didn’t stop there - noisy drunk parties all night, loud DIY morning and night (which has included minor damage to our property), loud music, insults said about us loud enough for us to hear, the noise through the walls all day long was another level, burning rubbish, trampolines and pools put right next to the fence, my washing deliberately hit with muddy balls. This went on until their children were adults and bare in mind it was both sides.

Now their families are older it’s mainly contained to endless drilling and hammering, hot tub parties and their dogs incessantly barking (again, both sides). We have tolerated it all because there has been little choice, and I don’t want to devalue my house by making formal complaints.

Unbelievably one of these neighbours knocked on our door yesterday to tell us that we need to keep our dog quiet. Our dog barely barks compared to theirs! They also said that because when our dog goes into our own private garden it triggers THEIR dog to incessantly bark we are not allowed to let our dog into our own garden. They also want us to not make any noise after 9.30pm! The sheer audacity made me explode and I told them everything they do and have done that we have had to tolerate, the whole lot came out. They made excuses for all of their behaviours, and the take away was they can make noise whenever they like, but we are expected to live how they have told us to. Both sides are in agreement and they’ve said if we break any of these rules they will make formal complaints about us. The slightest noise we make we are hearing loud passive aggressive comments, even though they are also making noise. To put it in perspective their dog incessantly barked for 20 minutes this morning and they did nothing, but when ours let out 3 barks they shouted for us to “shut it up”.

Outside of their homes both sides present themselves well, all have decent jobs, and one side is very friendly with other neighbours in the street.

Its gaslighting on a whole new level because they are very antisocial and deliberate with their behaviour towards us (I’ve heard them talking about what they are doing and laughing about it), so WTAF do we do? We can’t afford to move so that isn’t an option, but right now we feel very bullied. It’s the summer holidays and I’m now terrified about my children or dog making any noise. It’s hell.

OP posts:
PinkPauline · 25/07/2025 12:58

SaintGermain · 25/07/2025 11:06

Unfortunately be accepting g their bad behaviour all of these years just so you don’t devalue your house by instigating formal complaints, you are now seen as being weak and they are only going to trample over you even more.

It beggars belief to me that you did nothing all these years and are now boxed in by them. But, that’s the path you chose and you are never going to be able to do anything about it and your only option is to move.

This.One of my relatives did similar. They put up with crap for years same as you it was the neighbours either side of them. They bullied my relatives for years. Even had a go at me for no reason once when I visited. I told them to fuck off. They never bothered me again. My relatives eventually moved and are so much happier. If you really can’t move and I agree with @DrNo007 on this. You have absolutely nothing to lose by complaining. Get onto the Environmental health department at your local council about the noise. Record both sets of neighbours. Get CCTV at the back and get a Ring doorbell at the front. Any harassment report it to the police. Fight back. Sending you strength @HaveTheMostCFNeighbour I know how neighbours can make your life hell.

Namenamchange · 25/07/2025 12:58

Stop engaging with them, get cameras front and back and live your life. If they complain, you wi have evidence of their noise. Stand up for yourself: you don’t have to do what they say

party4you · 25/07/2025 12:59

MzHz · 25/07/2025 12:22

Just fucking do it. Life is too short.

Exactly. What hidden costs are these also OP? I’ve never come across a hidden cost… I would also say let them make a complaint. Anyone buying won’t care because you’re who they’re making the complaint about. They would also have to provide evidence and when they don’t the council can mark it as malicious. Ask me know I know 😢.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 25/07/2025 13:00

MzHz · 25/07/2025 12:22

Just fucking do it. Life is too short.

This. ^ Why have you put up with this for so long @HaveTheMostCFNeighbour and done nothing about it? You need to sell. Put your house on the market ASAP. You've never complained officially, (have you? I can't see you say you have anywhere in your posts,) so you don't need to declare anything to any new buyers. See if you can get a private landlord to buy, and hopefully they will put a family of hells angels in there!

What 'hidden costs' are you referring to by the way?

DirtyFrie · 25/07/2025 13:01

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 12:20

I don’t know why we have put up with it either. I suppose because it has been from both sides. How can we complain about them both without looking like the problem? There has even been a little bit of doubt about what’s happening on this thread.

A lot of their worst behaviour is in the past now as their children are grown up. But we are now in this deadlock about the dogs and there is no reasoning with them. Their dog stays outside all day long and ours is now expected to stay inside, and they’ve said they will put in a complaint about our dog if we let it in our own garden. But it’s THEIR dog that incessantly barks when ours appears, ours just reacts to that briefly. But because their dog is outside all day long and only barks when ours appears they are putting the blame on our dog and the neighbours are united.

We had neighbours that used to make noise to wind up our dogs deliberately, recorded it on a dictaphone, and then reported us to the dog warden. Dog warden came out, said our dogs barking excitedly when they get let out in to the garden is perfectly normal. Warden told the dickhead neighbour to stop winding up our dogs and they wouldn’t bark so much. Let them report your dogs, nothing will happen.

MoFadaCromulent · 25/07/2025 13:04

Just mentally flip the switch in your head that they are now absolutely irrelevant to you and do what the fuck you like.

They think you are worthless and that they are superior, why would you act in a way that confirms this

Muffinmam · 25/07/2025 13:05

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 10:45

We do own, but currently can’t afford all of the hidden costs with moving.

You could sell and downsize. You could paint and make some minor changes to your home to increase its value before moving.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 25/07/2025 13:07

Do they not also own, hsve you mentioned how a formal complaint will devalue their houses too?

Kubricklayer · 25/07/2025 13:09

MoFadaCromulent · 25/07/2025 13:04

Just mentally flip the switch in your head that they are now absolutely irrelevant to you and do what the fuck you like.

They think you are worthless and that they are superior, why would you act in a way that confirms this

Exactly. I would switch to war mode and give as good as I get.

Their dog barks 'shut that dog up' I'd be saying.
They want to be confrontational 'shut the fuck up,you ugly old bastard'.

You might find it cathartic to release the part of your brain that is scared and wants to be civil to them. Give them as good as they give, every single time.

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/07/2025 13:13

I had vile neighbours. Despite the fact they had a very antisocial hobby that was in antisocial hours, I put up with it and their rudeness until they started picking on my little boy. I’m afraid I fought back hard. I also wrote a letter setting out their behaviours and that I would be consulting the police and a solicitor. It stopped immediately. They were bullies. He hated women. She wore the trousers so he would take his bile out on women and never husbands/partners. I was a lone parent so easy pickings. Fuck them and fight fire with fire. I hate people like this. Thankfully mine moved and I have wonderful neighbours now.

Goldbar · 25/07/2025 13:17

I'd be tempted to drop into conversation that you've had an offer to buy your house from an organisation that houses recently released ex-offenders or something like that, and you're thinking of accepting as you need a bit more peace and quiet. Whatever will wind them up. Say you're just giving them a heads-up 😂.

Mumofoneandone · 25/07/2025 13:17

You need to catalogue everything, including their threatening behaviour and report to the council.
Not sure why you have put up with it for so long but now is the time to deal with it.

SriouslyWhutNow · 25/07/2025 13:22

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 10:45

We do own, but currently can’t afford all of the hidden costs with moving.

But you pay for all that at the end of the transaction, when you have money from the house sale to pay it? You can't have been in negative equity for decades.
And you can't have been avoiding reporting them for all these years to avoid declaring a neighbour dispute, the rules on having to declare it only changed about 10 years ago.
Why have you not prioritised your wellbeing and that of your family for so much of your life? You could have saved up to move if you'd made it a priority.
This thread makes no sense.

Mosaic123 · 25/07/2025 13:26

I wonder if they have a friend or relative who wants to move in to your house?

This could be their joint motive to get rid of you?

OriginalUsername2 · 25/07/2025 13:26

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 12:00

They didn’t literally say they can make as much noise as they like, they yelled in my face all of the reasons that it’s fine for them to make noise. So their dog barking was argued as it being a good guard dog for incessant barking, but they said my dog was just a nuisance, even though it barks much less than theirs. We were told we weren’t allowed to make noise after 9.30 (general living noise, we got to bed at 10:30/11pm), when I pointed out they had all night parties they screamed “it’s called fun”. They said they can hear my children playing and it’s unacceptable, I said what about their constant DIY day and night (we have never had a day without them hammering or drilling something or the smell of fumes from something) they screamed that it was because they wanted their house to look nice. And it just went on like that. The underlying message was they believe they can make as much noise as they like and only we have to be quiet.

You can’t argue or reason with stupid. These people are very very stupid.

You have to stand your ground. What is your DP doing? Mine would be out there making more noise than ever. It’s not sensible, but it’s the only way with people like this. They respond much better to a strong “Fuck off and don’t ever tell me what to do” attitude. They respect it even. They don’t respect reason and logic whatsoever.

If you can’t handle this, honestly you need to move. It’s unfair but it’s how it is. The council won’t care.

looselegs · 25/07/2025 13:29

You need to play them at their own game!
Buggered if I'd let any neighbour of mine tell me what I can and can't do.
It's ideal weather for a lovely, loud bbq with lots of your favourite music....
Maybe you could be watering the garden next time they start complaining and the hose might slip in their direction.....
Adopt all the dogs from the local rescue home...
CCTV and video doorbell for proof of their behaviour and conversations. Start standing up to them and getting your own back.!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/07/2025 13:31

would this be of any use OP?

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/noise-nuisances-how-councils-deal-with-complaints

Itiswhysofew · 25/07/2025 13:32

There's obviously no reasoning with them. Next time they knock to complain, slam the door in their face whilst telling them to fuck off at the same time. Live your life as you see fit in your own home and don't be bullied. It must be stressful for you, but you need to stand up to these fucking awful bullies. How dare they!

They haven't cared how miserable they've made your life through the years, so now it's payback time.

mathanxiety · 25/07/2025 13:34

Get ring/ recording (audio and video) set up front and back.

Live your life as normal - completely ignore the orders you've received.

Keep all the footage.

JohnofWessex · 25/07/2025 13:38

Given that you cant afford to move then give it full welly with the complaints

Everything to everyone, Council, Police, Dog Warden, Social Services etc

ALPS100 · 25/07/2025 13:39

tbh they have done you a favor.

Staying quiet hasnt worked, so you may as well live EXACTLY as you want, let your dog bark as much as it (and you) want, let your kids make as much noise as they want/ get massive water pistols and invite loads of kids for play dates etc etc - have a ball!

WhistPie · 25/07/2025 13:42

If you can't afford to move, then devaluing your house by complaining is irrelevant

HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 13:43

party4you · 25/07/2025 12:59

Exactly. What hidden costs are these also OP? I’ve never come across a hidden cost… I would also say let them make a complaint. Anyone buying won’t care because you’re who they’re making the complaint about. They would also have to provide evidence and when they don’t the council can mark it as malicious. Ask me know I know 😢.

Perhaps not exactly hidden costs, I meant the things that don’t automatically come out of the equity on the sale of the house - so survey on next house, removal van, any repairs to this or future property, possibly stamp duty etc

OP posts:
HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 13:45

Tiredofwhataboutery · 25/07/2025 13:07

Do they not also own, hsve you mentioned how a formal complaint will devalue their houses too?

They do also own, but given the amount of work they have done I think they are their forever homes, which we hoped ours was too.

OP posts:
HaveTheMostCFNeighbour · 25/07/2025 13:47

Goldbar · 25/07/2025 13:17

I'd be tempted to drop into conversation that you've had an offer to buy your house from an organisation that houses recently released ex-offenders or something like that, and you're thinking of accepting as you need a bit more peace and quiet. Whatever will wind them up. Say you're just giving them a heads-up 😂.

😂 I’d love to really sell to an organisation like this!

OP posts: