A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

[jacksmannequin]

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

I read an article years ago which said it was OK, but led to built up frustration.

Why? I agree with someone who wrote in a women's magazine that it might be ok, so long as it isn't overdone and damages the delicate skin, but has a negative result of causing frustration.

Takes the icing off the gingerbread, don't you think?

Of course he knows what happens when he touches it, from a young age he would get freaked out and say why is my Willy hard 😆 I would tell him that’s just what happens when you touch it because blood flows to the area, but obviously I didn’t go on to tell him how if you carry on something will come out the end of it !
My toddler daughters grab their bits now when I change their nappies, I do know kids touch themselves, and it’s obviously not in a sexual way !

Im just trying to explain I personally think my son is still young to know about proper full on purposeful masterbation ! Maybe some are old enough mentally to deal with it, but I think it’s abit much for year 5, and I do think kids are made to grow up too fast these days.

No 😂😂😂

I was just wondering the same if girls were told about touching themselves too.

Well he will be like millions before him 🤣🤣 what on earth do you think will happen if he hasn’t been told about it before hand

Tbh ….i was never taught about masturbation …but it didn’t stop me ‘exploring!!!’

Kids will find out for themselves what does and doesn’t work for them, why does it have to be discussed at length ….its mortifying for the kids !!

Well, time will tell.

Absolutely correct and couldn't agree more. Totally agree appropriate.

This is my thinking, I figured it out, dh figured it out when he was about 12 he said ! Loads of us just figured it out as we grew up, what’s so wrong with that??

Could it just be that because he's in an SEN setting where some of the children may not have the 'usual filters' about public behaviour, that they've had to address it? As others have said, children who are young for their age may well be behaving in ways that could lead to issues in or out of school now they are older.

You are right to feel uncomfortable. You were also right - for that same reason - to leave it to school to tell him about it.

My son is autistic and in Y1 they taught him nipples were private 🙄 he will NOT be seen without a top on anywhere. Won't swim without one etc.
He has also always been really coy about using the toilet and would never say he needed a poo for example even as a very small child.
Some autistic kids take these 'rules' to heart, even rules which most people disregard.
I also think my son would be mortified if he had to witness this chat. He is going into Y5 so maybe I need to prep him!

@jacksmannequin I think it's age appropriate tbh. Any later, he will more than likely be self pleasuring. At least he knows now.
Perhaps, take the responsibility away from others and discuss puberty and sexual development with your son.

Definitely too young. I learned about sex (biology classes) at age 12 in an all girls school but we were never told about anything else like masturbation. I also felt slightly too young even then as I had no interest in boys etc so why be told when you’re 10 - they’re hardly likely to be having a relationship then. Sex was also taught that it’s only for within a loving relationship, but kids are now being basically taught to be promiscuous ☹️

You don't need to be in a relationship to masturbate.
It's generally a solo activity.....
Edit: Sorry I think you were referring to learning about sex in general.
But at 12 you need to learn about periods.
How can you learn what a period is without learning about the biological facts of how babies are made - which (mostly) involves having sex.

My husband started masturbating regularly when he was nine, so I don’t think it’s “too young” to learn basic facts. Some boys might be doing it and not be sure if it’s normal or not.

You felt like you were too young to be taught about sex when you were twelve, because you had no interest in boys? I got my period when I was eleven, and about 80% of the girls in my class had huge crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio (it was the year Titanic came out). There’s nothing wrong with either of our experiences, but I think yours is the less common one.

I still remember that lesson in school and how they were equated with periods. Adult men still don’t know that women can have orgasms in their sleep because female sexuality is never addressed in the way male sexual feelings are.

Then he'd start doing it in school under his desk, like other kids like him do, because they have no clue it's something meant to be done in the privacy of their bedrooms.

Toddlers/ children masturbate because it feels good. They don’t have the language to describe what they are feeling but they know it feels good so they keep doing it. children don’t just start doing it at puberty. You appear to believe that it is an inherently sexual act. At that age it isn’t, your son is being given the language to associate with the action.

To all the PP who don’t believe young children touch themselves or explore their bodies. I suggest you take more interest/ notice of your children.

I'm nearly 74 and I started my periods age 9 yrs and 1 month back in 1961. I'd been told nothing about it in advance, I just got to school one morning and in the toilet I found blood in my knickers. I ran all the way home and my mum said "oh, you've started early - here's a pad to put between your legs". I was determined that my two DDs would never experience such fear, so they were told about periods at age 8 (and possibly already knew from other girls with older sisters). My younger DD started hers at age 9 and 1 month as well.

A year later I was on the PTA and we were discussing a new building that the council had agreed to. It was to include new toilets and I suggested there should be a sanitary towel machine in the girls. The PTA chair (a mother) scoffed at me and said "This is a PRIMARY school didn't you know? I have four DDs and girls don't have periods in Primary School". I informed her that my DD had already started hers and she called me a liar! So the toilets had no machines.

My GD is now 9 and both her mum and school have already told her about periods. Thank goodness times have changed.

I have no experience with autistic children and their speed of development but I do know of a young teenage girl who was/is autistic got pregnant at age 13 and did not know what was wrong with her - or how it had happened. Fortunately she had both a loving family and the young boy who was the father (and also autistic) stood by her and 20 years on they are still together. Would that all such near-tragedies had happy endings.

It's never too early to tell children about these life matters, in an age-appropriate way, though as I said that could be more difficult for some kids. But Primary School should certainly be more appropriate than secondary, if only to avoid the chance of an uninformed child being laughed at for not knowing about these facts of life.

I'm sure wet dreams could be starting for some around now?

I hope not. Imagine the damage finger nails can do.

@llizzie what are you on about?