Sex is badly designed

[Mitara]

Does anyone else think that sex is badly designed.

I have gone off sex. Not the act of sex itself. But the threat of physical violence makes me scared of sex.

So many men have physically or mentally tried to force me to do things that i dont want to do in sex.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming".

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

A recent study showed that a third of men in the study would rape women if they could get away with it.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

It just all seems so badly designed.

I think you’ve just met some particularly horrible men.

And yet we accept it when a bull gets his foot long wanger out and crushes a female cow because we want the meat and milk industry to continue for our convenience. Sure the female cow isn't best pleased that the bull is so much bigger and stronger than them either.

Fwiw I'm not saying rape is right, of course it's not but sex is designed as it is for very obvious reasons but because we're human we have far more say in our feelings and choices so there feels more of a disconnect than in the animal kingdom.

It just all seems so badly designed

Designed for what? Aside from the fact it's not designed at all, it's evolved. It does what it's supposed to do.

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

Again, no-one 'made' anyone anything but that aside, surely you know the answer to this if you think about evolution and what men and women have done respectively for Millenia?

ETA - notwithstanding the bizarre premise of your post (that anything about us has been 'designed') I agree with the PP who said you have unfortunately met some very unpleasant men.

Where on earth are you getting these men from?

Sex isn't "designed" at all. It's a reproductive strategy that has for thousands of years made the aggressive and domineering males more likely to have more offspring, and so any genetic markers for being aggressive and domineering will propogate by the power of evolution, and social/behavioral factors also propogate as each generation learns from the one before.

Have you considered the benefits of lesbianism?

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

Only if you're a psychopath.

"Only if you are a pschopath". Really?

So how come there are hundreds of news stories about men murdering and raping women every month?

They abuse their physical power because they can

I don't think that ive met more unpleasant men than anyone else.

Every woman i know has a story. A woman just spoke to me the other day about being flashed at in a park by a man.

I just want to live in a world where i am not the physcially weaker being. I want to live in a world where women are not attacked and abused as much as we are.
Its not fair.

WTF! You have had terrible hard luck.

Nobody has tried to make me do anything I don't want to do.

Maybe "design" is the wrong word.

What i want to say is "why does it have to be this way".

Why is there a world with two genders, where one gender is much bigger than the other.
And then the bigger gender constantly rapes abuses and kills the smaller gender.

Its not a world anyone would want to live on if they had a choice.

Imagine the advertisement. "Hey! Do you want to go and live somewhere where you will be disrespected, you will possibly be hit attacked, and you will be very likely be raped?"

The choking and filming stuff started happening since I was last single (20 years ago). When I encountered it while trying out OLD I was so shocked! What has happened to men? They have spun off into some pornsick fantasy land. It's really normal blokes, too! It's a weird mix of banal and extreme.

I've basically noped out of dating. I don't want to be choked to death by a mediocre software engineer from Leeds whose hobbies are cycling and Assassins Creed. Tragic.

I agree that male violence is a pressing issue. But that's not the title.

Are you living in a bubble?

I havent had unusually hard luck at all.

So many women that i know have veen sexually assualted.

Open the news any day, and you will see a new rape case in the UK.

I want to live in a world where vulnerability and disadvantage (social, physical, emotional, financial, psychological, educational, whatever) isn't exploited because the perpetrators 'can'. The vulnerable victims aren't the problem, the people exploiting, abusing and victimising them are.

Well as many threads evolve,

You can evolve the thread on from the title

Ok I haven't dated for a while. Is it all men who want to choke? How horrible. DD dates and has not said this

Yes..But the rapists have not generally been in my bed.

Yes exactly this!

What has happened to many men.

Online dating is full of absolute perverts .

I agree. I hate this choking fantasy. I dont want to be choked to death.

You’ve met more unpleasant men than me (and presumably the first person who commented). I’m sure your experience is not unique but I’d surprise if it’s representative of the majority either.

I don't think it's all but it's a lot - so many that the ones that want it think it's really normal and don't even ask.

Yeah and its often the men who look quite "normal".

The guy who tried to choke me was a mechanical engineer in a great job.

He put his hands on my neck and started slightly choking me without even asking me first. Its so dangerous. Im still shook up by it. He stopped when i said no. Of course i will never see him again. But there are such maniacs out there

Sorry i know this is serious but your comment did make me laugh!

and you make a very good point. Good boundaries and good self esteem helps one stay away from men that aren’t worth our time.

Bloody hell! Ok I stand corrected. DD has been dating university friends.

Does it matter who has met the most unpleasant men. What has got to do with anything. I feel like you are being dismissive.

My friend came up to me last week and said to me that that a man flashed her with his penis in the park.

I personally have never been flashed at in a park.

What if i said to her dismissively,

"Well I have never been flashed at in a park"

What has that got to do with anything? None of us are going to have the EXACT same experiences as each other