Sex is badly designed

[Mitara]

Does anyone else think that sex is badly designed.

I have gone off sex. Not the act of sex itself. But the threat of physical violence makes me scared of sex.

So many men have physically or mentally tried to force me to do things that i dont want to do in sex.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming".

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

A recent study showed that a third of men in the study would rape women if they could get away with it.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

It just all seems so badly designed.

Porn fuels this. There are things that can be done about that.

Yes, in prison men abuse smaller, weaker men.

You don’t get the choice… that’s the point. You are a product of nature and evolution whether you like it or not. No one “designed” sex. A method evolved that was functional to meet the goal of ongoing reproduction. There wasn’t an entity there deliberating on whether it was “fair” or not, or whether any creature would get hurt or not. It’s purely functional.

And in the same way that you cannot eradicate other crimes like theft, you also can’t prevent people being rapists. People’s brains are wired differently and not everyone complies with laws and morals unfortunately, as they’re a new concept when it comes to “life” and requires empathy and a mentality that actually cares about others.

I do get a choice to evolve society.

I do get a choice to say that i dont want to live in a society where there is so much rape, and i have personally experienced abuse.

If none of us change society, then nothing changes.

And it is going to be the women that have to change society.

Women eventually are going to say "we have had enough".

Well, no. You just need to not date.....?

You cant eradicate rape totally.

But we can definitely eradicate violent porn. Which normalises hitting slapping and choking women.

We can definitely try to get rape cases to be taken more seriosuly.

We can definitely get change into schools, where teenage boys and girls do more classes on what consensual sex is

I was the poster 😂

I didn’t say I’d not met men like that. I said you’d met more unpleasant men than me. I also said, I’m sure your experience is not unique. So your response makes no sense.

either way, I’m out. If you can’t understand why men are bigger than women look up evolution and natural selection.

as for your personal experience of men, it sounds horrific and I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve had these experiences.

No because even if i dont date, i still encounter men everywhere dont i. I can still get groped on public transport etc, which has happened to me and many others.

My mum told me that when she was walking down a street in broad daylight in london, a man walked up to her and stuck his hand up her skirt, groped her, and ran off.

I think the point that the PP has made is that you're saying you have been sexually assaulted so many times and so have all your friends. That's very, very unusual and is a bit off on the balance of probabilities...

I have lots of female friends (and have done since high school), I went backpacking round the world with my girlfriends, I have worked in male dominated industries and played sports with men much bigger than the average woman and I honestly have never known any female friend or relative to have been sexually assaulted....

So for you to have experienced it so many times - and be mixing in circles where it seems to be going on - is a bit unusual...

Technology has evolved to where a baby can now be made without sexual intercourse.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming"

This happened to you because of porn. Its become common for men to ask for disgusting, degrading stuff they have seen in porn. Our politicians are too scared to tackle this (or watch porn themselves, or are ' sex positivist' idiots) , so they let women suffer.

Sorry you have had these horrible experiences.

You need to make the following changes to your life

1. don't sleep with total strangers
2. get some therapy to raise your self esteem and sense of value
3. do a self defense course - and increase your own sense of strength
4. don't spend time with low lives

Then you, your mum and your friends have all been extremely, extremely unlucky because for most of the female population, sexual assault isn't something that features on a regular basis...

There is no 'design', only natural selection. And it must all work pretty well, or we wouldn't have evolved to be what we are.

I understand that women are smaller because we need to be able to grow a baby. Make women as big as men and we would need far more calories, and therefore wouldn't be capable of giving over suitable reserves to a fetus.

Yes men can be physically threatening towards women. Women can be emotionally manipulative towards men. We tend to use the tools that are most easily at our disposal.

What a strange post. I feel like you don't want to see reality.

It's not unusual at all in any way. I know so so many women thay have been sexually assaulted.

Lets look at a smaller sample size. Female celebrities. There are not that many female celebrities in the world.

Now look up how many female celebrities have said that they have been raped.

There are so so many female celebrities who have said that they were raped.

Yes, me neither (the children).
I married a man three decades older, 20 years ago for security and that was it. (He is mostly a very decent husband).
But, when the inevitable happens, I'm sure I will cope just fine.

Your posts are weird. Are you in denial or something?

Sexual assualt IS something that a huge amount of women go through.

Sounds like you’re getting close to more unpleasant men than the average woman, tbh.
Most women would have sent that shower you describe firmly on their way, not slept with them.

Nope absolutely not in denial. Maybe just been lucky??

It is something many women go through you're right. But hugely unlucky that you, your mum and all your friends / women around you have been sexually assaulted. It's not THAT common.

Ooh victim blaming out in full force.

As i already wrote. He was a perfectly normal man with a good job.
I went on dates with him multiple times. I only found out he was a dangerous man when i had sex with him. The moment i knew it, i got away from him.

God women really contribute to the problem dont they. They blame other women, they don't blame the dangerous men

It IS that common!

I was just reading a couple of different books about different female singers that i liked.

Every single one of them described being sexually assaulted in their lives.

Those posters desperate not to see endemic male violence should open your eyes - if not for your sakes, then for your daughters.

Guardian article on the prevalence of choking - now the second most common cause of strokes in women under 40.

Very interesting. It just shows how prevalent choking of women has become.

Ugh - it's not letting me link - here it is again:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/07/no-safe-way-risks-of-choking-during-sex

Really? I think it is you who are unusual.

I have not been assaulted ( well actually I have by older boys as a prepubescent child) but I know plenty of other women who have. Whenever this comes up in conversation, every women I have spoken to knows a woman who has been assaulted. Its nothing to do with ' circles I mix in'. I've mixed in many circles in my five decades on this planet - through college, uni, professional jobs and accumulated more women I have known who have been assaulted over the years.

Here are the women I have met who have been assaulted:
Two friends sexually assaulted by their Fathers
One friend raped by an acquaintance
One colleague raped by a work colleague at a work event
One friend woke from a drunken stupour to find she was being sexually assaulted
One friend sexually assaulted by a male flatmate who was coming into her room at night as she slept.

Two friends attacked at night by strangers who were trying to rape them ( one fought off her attacker, the other was saved by a passing male who realised what was happening).

I was also in a group of women and the subject of flashers came up and all of them had been flashed/

Add to that, two friends who were in violent relationships with men.

Of course, there will be many more women I have known who have been assaulted, but I just don't know about.

Either you don't know what has happened to all your friends or you have quite a lucky group of friends.