Sex is badly designed

[Mitara]

Does anyone else think that sex is badly designed.

I have gone off sex. Not the act of sex itself. But the threat of physical violence makes me scared of sex.

So many men have physically or mentally tried to force me to do things that i dont want to do in sex.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming".

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

A recent study showed that a third of men in the study would rape women if they could get away with it.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

It just all seems so badly designed.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

I think only someone with serious issues would choose to abuse people that are physically weaker than them.

If a male acquaintance said that to me I'd be bloody angry and drop them.

Some of the very normal looking men can be total perverts though. Its really hard to know

I think you have fucked up weirdos confused with how sex is designed, whatever that means.

I worked with that man. He wasn't a personal friend.

I didnt speak to him after he said that remark

So terrifying. It's such a dangerous thing to do in the first place, even when it has been discussed and safeguards are in place. To randomly spring it on your partner is surely assault at the very least? I'm sorry that women are experiencing this on a regular basis (at all). No wonder we have a "male loneliness epidemic", eh?

Why is there a world with two genders, where one gender is much bigger than the other.

Think about how mamals have evolved. Males had to literally fight to mate with females. Strength (and by association size) has been massively advantageous for men forever and has lead to natural selection.

I’ve never had a bad experience but I am
beyond picky with men and have barely let anyone in.

My partner makes me want to have sex more than ever.

Can I recommend the novel The Power by Naomi Someoneorother?

I get your point OP. I think there is some nuance though.

I think I would agree the world is badly designed. In so many ways, not least this one.

Agree, or a burly farmer sticking his hairy arm up her backside. All for a pint of milk.

Reading the comments on this , I think I'm rather glad dh has developed ED and hasn't even tried in 18 months !

Haha! Yes in one way you can count your blessings!

Yes men say that women dont have enough sex with them.

But if i knew i wasnt going to be hit, choked, slapped i would easily have loads of sex.

That is the really unfair thing about sex. I have no physical power and they have all the physical power.

I’m not being dismissive of your experience but your post is incoherent.

Nobody needs to put up with that. Better be celibate. Men who complain can shove it.

No it's not.
The poster said that she had never met men like that, and i pointed out that what she wrote has nothing to with anything.

If a woman said to me "ive had racist abuse shouted at me"
i wouldnt say to her "well i have never had racist abuse shouted at me". Because that wouldnt be relevant in any way.

You’re trying to align nature and modern society. They’re not the same.

Nature is brutal. Many species have very agressive mating, look at ducks for example. Gangs of males attack and force themselves on females, frequently causing horrendous injury and also drowning the females if they are in water at the time.

Nature’s main aim is to reproduce and continue “life”, so it suits for males to be powerful and hormone driven to ensure they fertilise as many females as possible, often by force.

We’re no different. I’m not sure who it is that you think “designed” sex? lol. Ultimately it works for its purpose, we just evolved a bit further and now we have morals, values, empathy etc and that’s at odds with nature in some ways. You just need to find the men who have these values, of which there are many.

Sex is not badly designed, OP. MEN are badly designed.
I'm sorry you have met these bastards.
I have been extremely careful my whole adult life and now at 46 I neither need nor want them anywhere near me. It works very well.
💝

But what if I dont want to live in a society where so much rape exists.

Maybe I need to buy a small island and go and live on it.

I will make a women- only holiday retreat there.

Women tend to sexually select bigger men too.
Rape is actually a really unpopular reproductive strategy for the higher order mammals. It’s risky, take a lot of energy input and there is fear of reprisal from group living mammals. Females will “willingly” (whatever that may mean in an animal context) mate with their choice of male in ape species. In humans, rape is taboo across almost all societies albeit defined in various ways. It’s not to allow them to rape us that men are bigger than us.

Yeah i know that nature doesnt care about women in the slightest and just aggressively wants reproduction.

Which is why at 40 i have had to suffer through 25 years of painful periods even though i never wanted children. Alot of it is so pointless.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you

I think this could be a very telling observation but it depends on the context and the conversation that came before and after. I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment so bear with me. The statement alone does read as victim-blaming and a justification of unacceptable behaviour. However, in a slightly different context, it could easily be read as, "Of course abusive men choose female victims (instead of other men). If you are choosing a victim, you're more likely to choose someone smaller, weaker, easier to dominate, an easier target". Let's face it, it's not wrong as an observation. Abusers DO choose vulnerable victims. At this point, it's an observation of fact. An ugly fact, but a fact nonetheless.

I dont really agree that rape is taboo in our society

It is technically against the law, but most rapes are not convicted. The legal system is completely against women who have been raped. Because a lot of men in the legal system basically see rape as ok. Women are often humiliated in court, including having their underwear shown.

A recent survey of university aged men reported that a third of them said that they would rape women if they could get away with it.

Yes that was what he was saying.

He said that man abuse women in large numbers,

because it is easier to physically abuse someone physically smaller than themselves.

He said that they do it because they can.

I said to him "would they have any empathy for someone elses suffering". He said "no. They really like the power that they feel".

Rape accepted as a weapon in war. And it is. Gang rape only happens because it’s accepted. All the banter about women, is accepted.