Sex is badly designed

[Mitara]

Does anyone else think that sex is badly designed.

I have gone off sex. Not the act of sex itself. But the threat of physical violence makes me scared of sex.

So many men have physically or mentally tried to force me to do things that i dont want to do in sex.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming".

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

A recent study showed that a third of men in the study would rape women if they could get away with it.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

It just all seems so badly designed.

"But I also think it’s perfectly legitimate to teach girls to say no if they wish."

If they wish.

If they wish to say no, then they can say no?

Not if they're poor, they can't. Not if they're the wrong class. Not if they're the wrong colour. All the wishing in the world gets them nowhere: they have to say yes. Because men force them to say yes. And, often, middle-class women - also abused, in the comfort of their lovely homes - are forced to look away, in silence.

By all means teach your daughters to resist hookup culture. But if you can't see how squalid the "nice girls say no" culture was, you need a new pair of eyes.

I see this a lot on mn, so sad. So many women having had bad sexual experiences. but not so much in RL, my close friends have had a couple of shady men but not as many assaults, and we have discussed in detail. I myself luckily haven't even had any bad not even minorly, apart from one who was very selfish.

The thing I have always resented about sex (as in, intercourse) is that the whole thing is seemingly rigged to ensure the man orgasms and ejaculates as quickly and easily as possible. This has contributed to generations of men viewing women's pleasure as an afterthought. The man's orgasm requires barely any effort - it might as well be automatic - while many women struggle to orgasm through sex.

I've had 14 sexual partners. Not once has anyone made me feel uncomfortable, or tried to do something weird like choking or filming. Some of these men were huge as well - tallest was 6 ft 7 and DH is 6 ft 3.

Sounds like you met some horrible men.

@Mitara, we're on another thread together and I notice that you mention you've recently moved to the UK. Sexual violence against women and girls isn't rare here, I've posted some statistics in the thread, but your experiences and those of the women you know do seem to be on the more extreme end of the spectrum. By that I mean you do seem to know an unusually high proportion of women who have been raped and/or sexually assaulted. Are you from a country where it is more prevalent than the UK?

WTF?

And i would also like to add a point to that.

The poster wrote that "we want the meat and milk industry to continue for our convenience".

Not everyone does.

I havent drank dairy milk since I was a teenager. I don't eat meat. Lots of people are vegetarian.

This is why it's bad to take words from another thread, and use them on a different thread.

I believe that i wrote on ther thread that i didnt have a gp yet as i had just moved to the UK.

I am from the UK born and bred. I was born in England and I lived for the vast majority of my life, here in England.

For the last two years, I lived in a different country for work. I have just recently again moved back to the U.K.

All of the sexual assualt experiences that I described happening to my mum, me , my flatmates, my aunts etc all happened in England.

Yes that is also unfair

Im glad you have had good experiences.

I was just chatting to a woman that i know. She was saying how bad online dating is. She said that the men ask for threesomes straight away, which she has absolutely no interest in.

Yep, nature is a bitch

Nature definitiely has made it a bit hard for women!

We are not guaranteed orgasm or pleasure during sex.
We have painful periods every month.

However, both of those things could be improved by society.
Society has also made things cruel for women.
If there was less cruel violent porn, men would treat women in a kinder way in sex.

If periods were more respected, there would be optional menstrual leave for work, better period products, and more kindness for women during menstruation

Male and female orgasms serve different evolutionary purposes. The male organism is for reproduction so valuable in all sexual encounters from an evolutionary point of view.
The woman's is to make her bond with a good mate - suggested by the release of oxytocin. Women are better off only falling in love with good mates - who give them time and care - hence the difference.

Well that's extra bs for women then, because how many bond with 'good mates' through oxytocin only for those to turn out to be lying/cheating/fucking off into the distance once the offspring are here?

Cop a load of the Relationships forum, oxytocin seems to do nothing for women except to make them soppy around some guy who will chuck them for a colleague when they're juggling two under two.

Thanks for clarifying. I wasn't trying to catch you out, or whatever you think is happening. My posts on this thread have been supportive and agreeing that we do have a problem with VAWG. I just happened to notice your name on another thread and wondered if your experiences were non-UK and if it could explain the higher than UK average prevalence in your circle. Obviously averages are just that, some groups of women will have a high rate of SA, others will have a low rate (or nil). So some women won't know anyone who has been SA, others will know quite a few. I apologise to have caused offence.

Been thinking about this point. In the past, women didn't feel less able to say "yes": they weren't able to say anything.

"High-status women" were instructed to say no until a suitable match (often not their choice) appeared. "Low status women", as I have amply shown, were compelled to say yes.

Casual sex, meantime, abounded. The middle classes simply pretended that it did not.

The era that you term "the sexual revolution" simply gave women the right to decide for themselves. Did men continue to abuse women? Sure. They're still more powerful than we are, physically and economically.

The very idea that women - by and for themselves - should be able to say "no" comes straight from the 1960s.

Be careful what you stomp on. It might bite you.