Sex is badly designed

[Mitara]

Does anyone else think that sex is badly designed.

I have gone off sex. Not the act of sex itself. But the threat of physical violence makes me scared of sex.

So many men have physically or mentally tried to force me to do things that i dont want to do in sex.

The last guy i had sex with for example, he tried to choke me, then he tried to film me. I said no to filming and he said "no we must agree on filming".

Why make one gender much physically bigger than the other. Of course many men are going to intimidate, bully (and in extreme circumstances) rape women.

A recent study showed that a third of men in the study would rape women if they could get away with it.

A male acquaintance once said to me "of course men abuse women. If you are going to choose someone to abuse you are going to abuse the people that are physically weaker than you"

It just all seems so badly designed.

The stats are actually from the crime survey, not police reports. So it's thought to be quite accurate. It's also cited by rape crisis (who obviously have no motivation to play down the figure). You can read about here -

https://rcew.fra1.cdn.digitaloceanspaces.com/media/documents/Rape_and_sexual_assault_statistics_sources_April_2025.pdf

😂

Yes but the rape crisis centre can only take their stats from people who go to the rape crisis centre.

Many people don't tell anyone at all, out of fear and shame

Oh my god. It IS unusual that you say "every woman I know has a story".

I work with approximately 20 women. If 4-5 of these women had been sexually assaulted then that would line up with the figures (obviously that's not how life and statistics work but just an example). If it was say, 7-10 of these women it would be on the higher side of average. If every single one of these 20 women had been raped then that would be extremely unusual.

Yeah i think you have already said that a hundred times now.

Whats the point in saying it over and over and over.

Can we move on?

Certainly marriage carries more risks for women- most things do. But she’s not arguing for a return for a Victorian style past, only for a reversal of the pressure on women to have no-strings sex, and that the sexual revolution benefited men far more than women (which I think is true). That’s my reading of her book anyway.

I think there is immense pressure on young women to believe that being equal to men means being the same, and that means embracing casual sex. But men and women are not the same - men are (on average) much stronger and far more likely to commit sexual offences. This means that the risk women take having casual sex is far, far higher than the risk men take.

When I was younger, lad/ladette culture sold us the idea that having sexual boundaries made you dull and old-fashioned. The same stuff that was sold to my mother as the sexual revolution. The same stuff now being sold to my daughter under the guise of sex positivity. It’s all a way of eroding women’s boundaries.

Yes women have much more of a risk with sex than men do.

no they don't - did you read the document I linked you to, which explain were their data comes from? I'm not sure why I am asking, I can tell you didn't by your response.

I really shouldn't have got drawn back into this ridiculous thread.

😂

You're the one who keeps calling me bizarre and saying I'm in denial.

Anyway the very first post had it spot on. You've just met some particularly horrible men which is sad.

And I do acknowledge I have been lucky to have never experienced anything like this.

I used to volunteer in a rape crisis centre so i probably know more than you do about it.

Of course they cant include any rape victims in their statistics, WHO HAVE NOT TOLD ANYONE THAT THEY WERE RAPED.

Oh will you ever go away.

You're using laugh emojis now on a thread talking about rape?

Go away.

It is, but if you're going to declare yourself a Louise Perry fan, you should be aware of her position on domestic violence. On one podcast she dismisses it as just a part of life, on another as something that mainly happens to the lower classes and - several times - as something that women have evolved to find desirable. How such a person can, on the one hand, (rightly) denounce the Rochdale gangs, but on the other hand, consistently hand-wave away the terror and misery of many trapped women, beats me. Pun intended.

Did you read the document which THEY publish to validate their statistics?

Well if that’s true I certainly don’t agree with her on that.

Of course.

My point is still correct.

Many many rapes go unreported to anyone. I rememeber them even talking about this to me when i volulnteered at the rape crisis centre. They said that most rapes are unreported to anyone , so the statistics are not accurate.

So a lot more rapes happen than to the statistic "1 in 4" .

We didn't get the sexual revolution that we were promised because men are still in charge. Due, in no small part, to the fact that without childcare, women are often left in a state of financial dependency for life.

But: if you want to hear the dangers of childcare being reeled off by American conservatives, Perry's ready with the column inches. May your husband remain kind, healthy, solvent, and alive. I wouldn't rate your chances of a happy life otherwise.

Using a laughing emoji on a thread about sexual violence has to be the lowest thing I've seen on here in a decade. Fucking hell.
What is with all the rape deniers on here? Oh it's it's ok, it's only 1 in 4. That is millions of women and doesn't even include the children.

I'm not using the laughing emoji about rape though am I? I was using the laughing emoji because you asked if we could move on after repeating the same lines over and over again.

Context is everything.

Obviously it's possible that if someone doesn't breath a word of it to anyone (AND they get sampled by the crime survey) then it gets missed but anonymous surveys are typically a good way of collecting data about things people don't; want to tell anyone about. Given it's done on a sample basis, not everyone who has been sexually assaulted needs to report it on the survey. Moreover, despite 'your conversation' with the rape crisis team, if they had reason to think that the statistics were an under representation, they would have no reason not to say that. Given their remit, they are not in the game of pretending to the world fewer people get assaulted than actually do.

Porn has ruined a lot of men, utterly ruined them. It is entirely their fault. Not sex or evolutions fault. The specific men who ruin themselves watching this disgusting content do it to themselves.

Unfortunately if you look at the statistics, lesbians don't really tend to fare any better in terms of abuse.

I dont know how porn is allowed to exist the way it is.

A lot of it, from what men have told me, is horrific. Violence and gore.

I dont know how to even start to get it changed.

Maybe sign a petition.

Remember the "ban page 3" petition?

If you think about it now, having a woman with her breasts out every week in a daily paper, was shocking!

Again, you’ve veered so far off what the thread is about that it’s hard to respond. No idea what the bit about my husband is meant to mean other than just sounding vaguely threatening. So I will leave this here, enjoy your day.

I agree it’s weird. Completely different sex drives that don’t vibe. Men can dominate. Painful for women.

It’s scary that this what many men want to do naturally, not even inspired from porn.
Many want to just totally dominate, destroy, humiliate, wreck.