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Original poster

Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

266 replies

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 00:19

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

OP posts:
viques · 13/07/2025 10:58

DeanStockwelll · 13/07/2025 00:30

Tbh I'd try to pull out of been the one that is doing the organising!

But if you can't/ don't want to start by figuring out what kind of event the mum to be wants , a gathering at her house , lunch , or restaurant?
If its not going to be at her house figure out 5 /6 places that are easy for everyone to get to.
Check with the mum see which ones she prefers, send 3 options out to everyone else and see what they come back with and go from there

Don’t give people options! Just tell them

“PreggyPal is inviting you to XXXX on XXXX for her baby shower.

Please bring ( fill in as appropriate) as a contribution
or
The cost pp of the afternoon tea will be XXX please contact and pay the venue directly.”

Tennislives · 13/07/2025 10:59

Your friend is a cheeky fxxker.
This is a nightmare.
Get out of it howeyou can.
You will regret it if you don't.

deedooHaHa · 13/07/2025 11:08

Picnic at a National Trust property.

You supply a gazebo.

Everyone brings different foods and drink to form picnic and chairs and umbrellas, just in case!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations Families
deedooHaHa · 13/07/2025 11:10

viques · 13/07/2025 10:58

Don’t give people options! Just tell them

“PreggyPal is inviting you to XXXX on XXXX for her baby shower.

Please bring ( fill in as appropriate) as a contribution
or
The cost pp of the afternoon tea will be XXX please contact and pay the venue directly.”

Show quote history

Viques, that's better than my idea, simples!

Tink3rbell30 · 13/07/2025 11:15

She needs to pay for it herself.

Ayeayeaye25 · 13/07/2025 11:17

Arrange it at grabby friends house suggesting all 30 choose to bring something from a list. But be quite specific about what you want people to bring along and people pick from a list of broadly similar costing items and also ask people to bring along what they would like to drink (not including grabby friend). Or arrange for 30 afternoon teas to be delivered or collected price X a head.

I was once in a nice restaurant/bar about a year ago trying to have a few drinks and a chat with a couple of friends and unknown to us one of these dreadful bridal showers had been booked in near us. The noise was horrendous, they cackled non stop, played silly loud games, had afternoon teas and had the most awful large cake in a sickly pink colour. Needless to say we left early.

Zonder · 13/07/2025 11:19

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 01:15

Wouldn’t backing out be the nuclear option? It seems like it would cause issues all round. I wish I’d known she wanted it to be such a big thing upfront and I could have declined.

Show quote history

Go for the least effort / cost option. Suggest an afternoon tea place, send the mum to be a couple of options and make it clear everyone will need to pay.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 13/07/2025 11:26

Wow your friend is being cheeky to request that you throw her a party! Fair enough if you offer, but it’s really demanding to request it. Also, good luck getting everyone there on the same date in August - there will be at least a couple of people away on holiday on every potential date.

FarmGirl78 · 13/07/2025 11:26

MermaidMummy06 · 13/07/2025 01:57

It's common now to book an area at a cafe and everyone orders their own coffee & snacks. You'll only have to do a few decorations, manage invites & tidy up. Although I'd only do this for non-entitled friends.

My friends put on my baby shower & a second baby 'sprinkle'. I wasn't going to have either but they insisted. It was simple & relaxed at my house. Everyone brought a plate of goodies to share. It's beyond me why it now has to be a huge, staged event with photo ops for social media and gender reveals. No one cares!!

A baby shower and then a baby sprinkle? Oh fuck me what is the world coming to. The ridiculous cost hen "night" actually being 5 nights in Marbella is now spreading to babies too. Give it a few years and it'll be destination funerals too. I despair.

putitovertherefornow · 13/07/2025 11:30

I have been to a whole ONE baby shower. And that wasn't even for my own dc.

NDN held one for her adult dd - tea and cake next door for a couple of hours one afternoon, and there were about eight of us. We all sat around, had a laugh, ate cake, drank tea and there was some prosecco for those that wanted it.

Job done.

CoraPirbright · 13/07/2025 11:35

Aghast that this friend has requested that you organise something and yet, somehow you also have to pay for it!! This is a tremendous wheeze!! I have a big birthday coming up. I think I will ask my closest girlfriends to organise a big party for me - I want 30 friends in a villa in Sardinia and they have to pay for it. Oh…. wait…..

So bloody cheeky!! At most, I would organise a venue like a pub garden with a set menu and everyone attending can pay for themselves. Add in some sort of themed tableware at the very most.

YellowBlueStar · 13/07/2025 11:45

You mention that two other friends have also been asked to organise the baby shower. What do they think about it? If it's going to be held next month and people haven't been invited yet, then I would guess that quite a few of the 30 will already have other plans. I would certainly not be paying for it - your friend is being cheeky expecting you to do this.

Coopee · 13/07/2025 11:56

IdaGlossop · 13/07/2025 00:55

This is what I would do if a friend delegated this task to me.

  1. Send out email invite with date, time and venue, give RSVP date and ask for any dietary requests.
  2. Appoint three boyfriends/husbands/male friends to be the Barbecue Boys (sexist I know)
  3. Appoint musically inclined friend to put together a playlist - silly songs about babies to be included.
  4. 3 weeks before, order personalised plates, cups + cutlery eg https://www.zazzle.co.uk/chic_greenery_woodland_animals_baby_shower_neutral_paper_plate-256922880255220971
  5. 2 weeks before, order cake from local baker (or one of the three of you make it), to be collected on morning of party; (if necessary) borrow barbecues so there are three in total and gazebo so barbecuing can be done even if it rains
  6. Day before: make lots of salads and puddings in your own three kitchens and keep in the fridge, buy bread; buy booze and soft drinks and meat/vegetarian/vegan options for barbecue
  7. Morning of party, make salad dressings, barbecue dressing, slice bread, assemble ready to take to friend's house, pack black bin bags, serving utensils, mustard, ketchup and personalised plates etc.

Total cost c.£300 - ie £100 each.

Having accepted it's customary for a friend to organise a baby shower, I'm still a bit shocked that the friend would ask for it to be organised, especially given the cost. Surely the friend should ask the pregnant woman if she would like a baby shower organised. Although I personally wouldn't be daunted by organising for 30 guests, it's a big number when you're asking a friends to do the leg work for you and pay.

This is amazing. I’ve screenshot it in case I ever have to organise one. Although I hope to heaven I never have to 🤣. Amazing planning. (Pretty sure I’ll never find the screenshot if I ever need it too, but felt it should be immortalised in my phone) 🤣🙏🥰

NotMeekNotObedient · 13/07/2025 12:02

Dear X, just thinking about your baby shower.

Can you let me know a bit more about what you had in mind please?

  • Are you happy for this to be hosted at your house?
  • What is your budget?
  • Please provide a list of all the names and contact details of who want to invite
  • Please let me know if x Aug & x Aug works for you. I will go with the date most people can do (I know Aug is a busy time for a lot of people).

This will really help me understand what we can put together. Want to make this day special for you.

-

Depending on her answers:
My ideas would be:

  • BBQ/sandwich platters at her house
  • Picnic in the park (just buy ready made bits/ask everyone to bring something & a blanket). Ideally a park with a nearby cafe in case of rain and trees for shade!

Choose what you're going to do THEN send the invites via WhatsApp with a doodle poll for the day/if they can attend. Set a RSVP deadline & be clear on the costs/expectations involved.

Bung up some bunting, have a game or two, print some advice/prediction cards, spotify playlist. Buy her a sash.

Could add:
Given a lot of you will be travelling a long way and the cost of living crisis please rest assured gifts are not expected but it would be lovely to have a few things to give to X. Perhaps bring a book for baby or a baby essential (nappy cream, wipes, bag of nappies, socks etc.).

catmothertes1 · 13/07/2025 12:33

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 00:24

  1. Apparently it’s traditional for your friends to throw you a shower?
  2. A budget hasn’t been set, but it looks like we’re meant to cover it ourselves.
  3. Initially, I thought it would be fun to do. Now, I’m finding the idea of organising a decent party for thirty people very daunting.
Show quote history

Your friends has watched too many American TV shows!

EstherGreenwood63 · 13/07/2025 12:35

PLEASE say no to this absolute tosh.

IdaGlossop · 13/07/2025 12:35

Coopee · 13/07/2025 11:56

This is amazing. I’ve screenshot it in case I ever have to organise one. Although I hope to heaven I never have to 🤣. Amazing planning. (Pretty sure I’ll never find the screenshot if I ever need it too, but felt it should be immortalised in my phone) 🤣🙏🥰

Show quote history

Are you being serious? If you are, thank-you. TBF, I've done lots of much bigger gatherings working in PR. Useful background when we had to change the venue for our wedding reception a month before the event and I didn't freak out.

putitovertherefornow · 13/07/2025 12:40

mathanxiety · 13/07/2025 03:04

They are an old American tradition, and no, you don't throw one for yourself. Traditionally, friends or female relatives throw the shower in honour of the mother to be.

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And long may it stay in America and not come over here.

IdaGlossop · 13/07/2025 12:50

putitovertherefornow · 13/07/2025 12:40

And long may it stay in America and not come over here.

Show quote history

It seems that shop has sailed.

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 13/07/2025 12:56

Pot luck / bring a plate as suggested by a lot of pp is a nice idea if everyone is fairly local but OP says they aren’t, so that’s not an option.

You’re going to have to have an honest conversation with her about her expectations. It sounds like she’s conflated ‘organising’ with ‘hosting’, which would mean you bearing all of the costs.

IdaGlossop · 13/07/2025 13:04

IdaGlossop · 13/07/2025 12:50

It seems that shop has sailed.

Show quote history

Ship not shop! Too late to edit.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2025 13:25

Harbsinmarbs · 13/07/2025 00:40

Book a venue, invite her 30 guests, sort some catering and then message her “ venue booked, catering sorted, your 30 guests have been invited they will RSVP to you, it will be £XXX, deposites need to be paid by X date” and then leave her to it. She isn’t a friend if she is putting (expecting) all that on you.

I disageee if this is the norm in their social circle and the pregnant lady has paid for multiple expensive showers and hens for all her friends- it's her turn now.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2025 13:28

If you have space at home, I would order a few trays of sandwiches from m and s and a couple of cakes and crisps, and serve soft drinks in cups. Ask everyone attending to rsvp with £10 towards food and decorations.

OR I would just book a big area in a pub and every one coming orders own food or drink.
Your organising is more about baby shower games and a balloon or cake.

Easy peasy!

TheDowagerLadyUrsula · 13/07/2025 13:45

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2025 13:25

I disageee if this is the norm in their social circle and the pregnant lady has paid for multiple expensive showers and hens for all her friends- it's her turn now.

Show quote history

But if that were the case then there would be a clear precedent for the OP to draw upon and she wouldn’t need to post here in a flap!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 13/07/2025 14:02

I agree on the grabbiness. I didn’t have one in 2013 and my ex best friend had one that was organised by her partner.

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