Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

It's the ugly sister of the overblown hen do.

I think this is your solution

It seems too short notice to plan an event for 30 guests for a few weeks time. I would suggest your friend cuts the guest list to a handful of local people and hosts the shower at her house/garden. I think the only way to pull this off is if there's a few of you organising and everyone chips in with a job organising food, decor, games etc. If you don't know the people she wants to invite, ask her to start a group chat, so you can gauge who is willing to help. If she insists she wants you to organise it all on your own, then I would bow out.

So, she wants a party that she doesn’t have to organise or pay for? That in itself is cheeky. She’ll be having that in lieu of gifts for the baby I assume, or is the CF expecting gifts from everyone attending as well as them paying for all the food, decorations, other catering, drinks etc?

Presumably she'll be expecting a present from you at this shower and another present after the precious one arrives .....and you'll have paid for a third of the shower too. Not a chance.

It's not a U.K. tradition and we gave gifts (voluntarily & not because we'd been added to an invite list) after the baby was born - there was a sense it was bad luck to give before - but also comes from time no one new what they were having so waited for birth to buy clothes. This feels like it's more about gifts you'd get / show of popularity for Instagram & to copy influencers. It seems shallow to me - just 30 of my closest friends to buy me things and post pictures of me. That said - I do like idea of tea / get together pre birth of women showing genuine love and support for first time mums - marking that cross road in a woman's life feels nice.

Well she sounds like a CF of the highest order! Why should you pay? How cheeky.I would just straight say ,Look Jill ,I didnt realise so many people were coming .Its a lot to organise, so I suggest booking a Hotel/hall .Send out menus aft tea and the price and all pay for themselves /Bring food if a hall or picnic. Just say that .If shes a good friend she will understand .

Invite them all to her house. CF

Fuck that. I’d say something like:
“Sorry I’m crap at organising big events and I’ve got a lot on at the moment. Let’s go take out for drinks/dinner one day next week though, my treat!” (last bit optional)”

This is how it was amongst my circle of many friends.Visit with gift once baby has safely arrived.About 25_30 years ago.Youngest now aged 25.

This sounds sensible. There are lots of places that do a nice after tea.

Hardly traditional in the UK . . . Just another American cultural import.
I’d be having a serious conversation with friend to manage her expectations and talk finances etc.

Imagine a bloke asking one of his mates to organise a party for him. 😂

People really want to have their moment to be special.. at the cost and effort of everyone else.

I think you should be honest and hand the responsibility back onto the mum to be.

My kids were born in early 2010s and the only person I knew who had a baby shower was pregnant with twins, skint, unwell and her closest friends decided to do it as a surprise to cheer her up and make sure she had gifts of useful, needed stuff to help out. That's the spirit of a baby shower not the nonsense your friend has asked for.

I’d send her a message and ask her what the budget is, and if she is covering all costs or if she would like you to find an afternoon tea venue where everyone pays for themselves. Sorry but assuming 3 people to foot the bill for 30 people is rude. I’ve never been to one, so not sure what the normal etiquette is. Sure that asking others to pay can’t be normal. If I’d have had one (I didn’t) i’d have been paying for it all. But I equally wouldn’t have been offended if someone said it’s £30 each for afternoon tea. Someone needs to ask what she would prefer, foot the bill, or everyone pays for themselves. Do not put yourself in a position where you’re paying. So unfair.

They can be lovely without any trauma. I suspect how traumatic it is, is linked to your expectations and her expectations...and how unrealistic they are! I've been to lots but they weren't an insta show, they were gatherings of genuine friends. Lots of money wasn't parted with.....a bring and share lunch or everyone brings a cake, held at someone's house. No matching paper plates or balloon arches! I find a baby registry a bit difficult to get my head around but in other countries they are normal. I went to a lovely one where everyone bought a book for the child.
Here's another thing.....she asked and you can say no...it doesn't make you a bad friend

What a CF-no friend of mine would expect this.

'X, I can't afford to pay for and don't have the time to organise a party for 30 for you'

God no Just choose somewhere & invite people. They can choose to come, or not.

My baby showers were in 2011 and 2015 - both were afternoon teas out somewhere. Everyone paid for themselves and clubbed together to cover mine. There was an advice book, gifts, guess the weight etc. The idea of three people shouldering the effort & expense for a huge party is ridiculous.

I still don’t understand the concept of people paying to attend someone’s baby shower AND bring a gift!
My sister organised one but I had no idea. She did it at her house with food and drink. Family & friends attended with a little gift which was incredibly sweet. Played a few naff games and that was it!
I never asked her to organise one and I certainly didn’t expect others to pay for it. I just can’t get my head around the fact that unless your incredibly close to the mum to be, as in, family or best friend, nobody really cares about the fact that you’re having a baby.

I think it's all about the social media...

Sorry, your friends now have to throw you a baby shower?! Your maid of honour/bridesmaids throw you a hen do, fine. But you organise your own baby shower, if you want lots of presents from your friends for your new baby.

I’m having my first now and I find the whole concept of it really commercialised and grabby (and kinda insensitive to friends/family who might be finding it difficult to conceive - it must be so hard to plaster a smile on your face for several hours ‘celebrating’ your friend having something you really want).

But to make your friends organise it, and invite THIRTY people? That’s just a self-absorbed circus. You got up the duff, you didn’t win the Nobel fecking Peace Prize 🤣

Fuck that. I'd emigrate to avoid even attending.

I absolutely wouldn’t do this.

There is no way it would cost £300. That’s a tenner a head! For booze and meat for a bbq as well as decorations. Absolutely no way.

Book an area in a cafe, ask people if they’d like to contribute to a cake and that would be it.