Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

Find a place nearest the friend that does good cream teas.

"Hi xxxx, we are organising a baby shower for Last Minute Louise at Cream Tea Cafe, cost is £15 each (includes £1 to cover her) let me know ASAP whether you can come or not please"

Sorted

What happened to just inviting local friends, going for a pub crawl around the local town, and then all bundling up in taxis/walking home later? (Pre 21st century.) Easy for everyone to get to, and to do.

I am sooooooo glad I'm not a young woman in this day and age, and not expected to partake in this shit. I went to about a dozen 'Hen Dos' in the 1980s and 1990s, all at pubs and bars or nightclubs, (within 10 miles) and they were amazing. A few of them had little finger buffets, but most were just pub crawl-type things.

Then there's the 'holiday abroad' Hen Dos.'

A woman at my DH's workplace was getting married in 2023, and there was 15 or so women were going to Ibiza for a week, and she told DH she wanted me to come. (I had met her and about 3 or 4 of the other women about 4 times, and didn't really know them!) I told him to tell them no as we were going to a wedding and I couldn't make it. Couldn't think of anything worse! 😱

Personally @bipbopdo I would be telling her I don't want to do this. What a nightmare this will be for you!

Baby showers have been a thing for a long time.
Held at the mum to bes house, or that of a relative.
People arrive with modest gifts and which good luck to the mum

Catering involved a modest buffet.
Seriously I'd knock this into shape ASAP.

Definitely not a tradition to organise and pay for a friend in uk. To be honest I would find an easy venue with catering and ask her for the x per head for 30 people. I bet she will soon readjust her expectations. But you definitely need to be firm it being more expensive and effort than expected and could only proceed if she covers the cost at a venue that will do most of the organising or she is welcome to take it on with her family help.

Definitely not a tradition to organise and pay for a friend in uk. To be honest I would find an easy venue with catering and ask her for the x per head for 30 people. I bet she will soon readjust her expectations. But you definitely need to be firm it being more expensive and effort than expected and could only proceed if she covers the cost at a venue that will do most of the organising or she is welcome to take it on with her family help.

This.

She's expecting you lot to pay?! Have i read that right?!

the moment she expected you to pay, i would
of backed out. She wants a shower she can damn well pay for it herself!

1. No it's not
2. That's incredibly cheeky as it won't be cheap
3. Not to mention expensive

Why on earth is she allowed to cause you a ton of unreasonable issues and you're afraid to cause her any? She's not the queen, she's just up the duff. There is no tradition whatsoever here of friends having to organise and fund someone else's baby shower. Simply say sorry you didn't realise it was such a big job and you don't have the time or funds to do that. You'll come along and enjoy it and bring a pressie, which is more than enough for a friend to do as baby showers are grabby anyway, esp on this scale. Communicate clearly and nicely now and there's zero need for any nuclear response. If she explodes, she's being a dick and no one will blame you. You're not her party planner.

You shouldn't be paying for her party-on-demand.

If you want to contribute, tell her much you're willing to contribute, and stand firm on your offer.

As simple as this sounds, that's still spreadsheet levels when it involves inviting 30 people and there's a big difference for the venue between 30 turning up and a fraction of that with last minute drop outs etc. Plus you just know this women will be wanting all the bells and whistles of decorations, games etc. Better to pull out now and let her organise and pay for her own party than make all the effort and then get blamed when it inevitably falls short.

I’ve been invited to my first one in August! It’s being organised by the mother to be in her own home. Thought that was a bit weird. It’s a relative I am very fond of but don’t see much.

I won’t be travelling 2 hrs there and back so will politely decline and send a £50 voucher which is just what I would do after she had the baby. I assume nobody is expected to get gifts twice and no issue with her getting the things she needs now while she has time.

Is another 'Americanism' - to go with the word 'gotten'. I bloody hope my daughter doesn't want one 🤣

I guess we don't need to worry about AI taking away writers' jobs any time soon.

Wish people would stop posting what AI's response would be. If OP wanted that, they could get it themselves. MN is for humans. If you don't have a point of view yourself, there's no need to post.

I would ask her the budget per person.

i organised mine but it was at The Shard and everyone’s dinner was paid for per head/alcohol etc

she cant expect you to pay for it

ask

@Zov

It's not a hen do? It literally says baby shower in thread title?

Find a nice pub with a room for free or nominal spend for 30 people

you'll need to get a budget from the mum to be and money from her - these things are paid for by the mum or grandma

the ballon arch, cake and party games, add up especially if they have a theme in mind

Just say no.

You won't get everyone coming in August (and some won't reply because they could be away or lack this basic courtesy). It's too short notice to arrange something good.

And you don't want to follow a bad US tradition (think of a few reasons).

I would earmark a cute equidistant venue and look at their catering charges for a cream tea. Send her the details (‘as due to numbers it can longer be hosted at my house’) and ask for the money upfront to book.

Or say people need to pay for themselves and to get that to your account by x date. Watch that 30 dwindle to 3.

Oh and she is a CF friend. You should never have agreed in the first place. Life lesson for you right there.

Just go back and tell her it’s getting out of hand, you have no money to fund it and certainly can’t cope with organising something for 30 people spread around the country so you are handing it all back to her

She won’t get her money back. Booking a venue and catering need money paid to secure dates

Anything arranged in August only ever gets about a 30% acceptance rate, so don't worry too much about numbers being overwhelming. Research appropriate places on the assumption of there being 10-14 guests. Tell thevenue you will confirm exact numbers nearer the time. Invite all 30 explaining that there is a strict RSVP cutoff as the venue must have numbers with X notice. You will not get an overwhelming number of acceptances, it will be fine.

I’d organise it at a catered venue - like an afternoon tea - local hotel?

Do a WhatsApp group to anvoud having to send physical invites and on there state that afternoon tea will be catered for at £x per head and please send deposits to xxxx account.

I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t mind having to pay for themselves - it’s a baby shower, not a christening or wedding where you would be expected to be paid and catered for

Then all you need to sort is decorations, a cake, games etc.

You can back out. Say it’s too much and frankly too expensive.

Does she want presents from 30
people too?