Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

So the first post was written via chat gpt.

So what.

It's a tool that can benefit people with different abilities, dyslexia, autism, stroke survivors to name a few.

It can help build confidence.

And it can also be used as a work tool for reports, summaries, presentation planning and so much more

In order to progress ... and make more money.

I write using dashes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why?

Long ones and that many?

planning side-hustles—someone always

Multiple and em dashes over hyphens is such a ai tell when combined with the formatting like in the OP, very rarely are people using that many em dashes, especially when it’s such a pain with multiple clicks to pull them up on a mobile keyboard or a standard one.

Talking about what you want is ok
as a one off.
The problem lies in talking about the same subject multiple times.

It becomes the case of people thinking if being boring paid by the hour you would be a millionaire already

The wealthiest person I know, where being able to afford an £850,000 is nothing special and you can add a couple of 0’s onto their net worth never went to university. Never got any qualifications.

They also only ever worked for others just to get paid and get the money to start their business

If you want to be rich work for others, if you want to be wealthy have others work for you

The 2nd wealthiest person I know qualified as a tradesman

In fact the ones who are friends with my dc who have qualified in a trade are the ones who have already bought their first house.

None of these people went near a university

Maybe you go on about it too much and it’s a polite way of changing the topic of conversation.

It’s vulgar .. who cares what you earn … Willy waving .., whooohoo. It means jack shit to everyone you’re talking to. It’s like talking about gas bills… it’s dull. Be ambitious … that’s commendable.., but don’t bore people with the specifics. Get a life. Value friendship, family, doing stuff. Do you want to know how many qualifications I have? No, exactly. That’s my business.

Are you American, OP? It's not considered a polite topic of discussion in the UK!!!!

Are they mostly men? A solicitor who was also a financial advisor asked what do I want with a pension when i went to him for advice! Very glad I didn't take his 'advice'.

But generally I find that men seem to think our money is their province.

Money is not everything tbh.

I made an error in my life. I should a billionaire now and whilst now, 10 years later I can reflect back and think it would have been great, I reckon

• even though Im uninterested in plastic surgery, I would have had some done.
• I'd have alienated my friends and family.
• my kids would be spoilt brats.
• I'd be lonely with few friends

And so Im grateful. I still have a good income from my work. I live in a nice house, nice area. My kids are helpful. I have family and friends.

but if you do aspire to be rich, go for it! But again remember rich is relative... some people say dont pay off your mortgage, use your money to finance a second home and rent it out but the happiest people I see have no mortgage and work. They've enough for retirement cos they have no mortgage. They are content.

And financial Advisors help you see how investing in a pension will give you a good retirement and it will. But that will reduce your disposable income, so do you act rich or become rich?

Us Brits are a funny bunch though. Yes it is cringe if someone talks about their income but there is nothing wrong with you aspiring to get a good career and income.

Good luck!

Not experienced this. Who is your audience?

It’s because you’re a woman and you’re not supposed to be ambitious or financially successful. You’re supposed to be all virtuous and non materialistic (while marrying someone stashed and becoming dependent on him, then watch him leave you for a younger version.)

Then aim for PE/VC track later on and you would have a nice income.

In most cases people are simply saying that to justify their own choices, or more likely lack of opportunity to make the same choices.

They probably can’t (either capability or opportunity) get a high paid job so they have to justify their own situation or denigrate yours.

Pay not the slightest bit of attention to them.

I generally find in the UK people don't like to see other people getting on or getting ahead because they are not prepared to put in the work or make the same sacrifices to get ahead. They say you are the sum of the 5 people closest to you. Want to earn £100k a year and none of your friends and family are high warmers? You are going to need to find a different circle of influence. That doesn't mean cut out your friends and family - you just need another circle where high achieving is the norm. It raises your bar being surrounded by other people hitting the goals you want. You become selective about chatting finances because if family are putting you down for wanting financial security you absolutely do not share when you hit your dream or I guarantee they will be there wanting hand outs and frankly if they don't support you on the way up, they don't deserve to share in your success at a later date. A vision board is a good place to start and look at Dave Ramsay on Facebook for like minded individuals trying to grow their wealth. Good luck

It's not just Brits, everyone in my social circle goes quiet when I talk numbers. It's considered uncouth and garish.
However financial talk and honesty open up the conversation for everyone, from financial goals to equity of pay, so I see it as a social issue, especially amongst women, be financially literate and make it non taboo :)

@AmusedTaupePlayer what is the social context for your speaking about your aims re money? Differing settings would often signify different etiquette rules.
Generally speaking though, if you start talking about your personal ambitions, it will always invite other's ideas.

I thought OP was a man actually, the style of writing is more like a man, but then that might just be because the people who design the AI robots are mostly men.

I still think there is nothing less appealing than listening to someone of either gender go on about how they intend to be rich.

My ex was like this- ask him where he's going to be in 5 years, probably even still now, and he'll tell you he's going to be a millionaire and then start droning on about all the cars and models he's going to have. No plan, no passion to actually DO anything, just a shopping list and dollar signs in his eyes.

Everyone would like to have some money, a big part of it is luck and the rest of it is hard work and talent. A person who thinks they are going to be rich but hasn't yet demonstrated they have hard work or talent is just arrogant and boring.

I was just about to say this! A man wouldn't be told that "money isn't everything", they'd be admired and encouraged. Double standards, as usual!

The only time I've experienced this is when talking with people about my university and course choice years ago (I went in the 1990s). I chose a subject I felt would help me get a job afterwards and also a university in a cheap area to live, knowing that we'd just come through a recession and my DPs couldn't afford to help out much.

People (usually middle or upper middle class) often said to me that you should do something you are passionate about and going to university is about the experience. Well, they are right, ideally, but I was just glad to be the first person in my family to stay in education that long and not have to just go and get a job, but I still felt I had to do something that led to a job and go and get a well paid job afterwards to make it worthwhile. I just didn't feel I had the choice to fanny about or go for a pipedream.

When people think that prioritising money (up to a point anyway) is vulgar it's because they come from money or at least don't worry about being short of it.

what has university got to do with this?

There seems to be a view that to get anywhere and be wealthy, university is a necessary first step. As we know, it isn't. I think the qualities of the person are more important: ability to take up challenge and opportunity, ability to learn, stubbornness and ambition, tenacity, ability to take a risk. Lots of other qualities too and I'm sure many could add more, but it is not necessary.

who told u this

Yep- training to do a job is only the very first step. It remains to be seen whether OP is any good at it or enjoys it. I've qualified in various things that turned out not to be for me.