Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

I've never experienced this. Surely most people work for the pay cheque.

No it's when i tell people i want a high-paid job, make tonnes of money etc. in my career

It's considered vulgar, culturally, to talk about money. This isn't specific to you and your career goals.

As @Optimustime says, many British people feel that discussing income and potential earnings is vulgar. It's not personal - they are just trying to shut the conversation down.

Why are you continually yammering on to your friends, family and colleagues about wanting to earn a lot of money? Maybe their comments are code for 'You're really boring me -- please stop now.'

Can you explain this? Why is this the case?

Quora sums up the answers to a similar question thus:

The reluctance of many British people to discuss money can be attributed to several cultural and social factors:

1. Cultural Norms: In British culture, discussing personal finances is often seen as impolite or crass. There is a long-standing tradition of valuing modesty and discretion, which extends to financial matters.
2. Class Sensitivity: The UK has a complex class system, and money can be a sensitive topic that highlights socioeconomic differences. Discussing wealth or financial struggles can lead to discomfort or social tension.
3. Privacy: Many British people prioritize privacy in personal matters. Conversations about money can feel intrusive, and individuals may prefer to keep their financial situations private.
4. Fear of Judgement: Talking about money can lead to comparisons and judgments. People may fear being judged for their financial choices or circumstances, leading to a reluctance to engage in such discussions.
5. Education and Awareness: There is often a lack of financial education, which can make discussions about money feel daunting or intimidating. People may feel unprepared to discuss financial topics confidently.

Overall, while not all British people avoid discussing money, these cultural factors contribute to a general hesitance around the topic

Because your a woman #bekind shite

it wouldn’t be said to a man - it would be seen as aspirational

I think plenty of people feel the same way as you. It’s just considered a bit tacky to voice it. It’s not that people think there’s a “moral failing” in ambition; it’s more a failure of taste to talk about it. It’s one of those British hypocrisies.

I think there's a lot of different things at play here.

People have bought into the social media, IG nonsense that everyone should be living their # best lives and that following your passions will mean everything just works out in the end. It won't and a lot of people are going to come a cropper with this mentality as they get older.

Envy is also at.play. If you do well it somehow lessens them. It's known as the tall daisy syndrome.

Women aren't suppose to be financially savvy. We're supposed to be ethereal, caring types who just want to follow our passions.

For me, I'm teaching my children to be financially astute and build passive income from a very early age so they have the financial security to make choices in life.

Bottom line, don't listen to them. They don't pay your bills therefore they don't get a vote.

Everytime I have started a business, or had an idea. The more I talk about it with others the less I do it. There’s many a good idea that I never did. The satisfaction of just knowing it was a good idea seemed to be enough.

Stop talking and just do it.

Goodluck with your endeavours 😊

Why not focus on how you are going to do it and then take the steps you need to achieve your ambition.
Many people find constantly hearing about other people’s aspirations boring.

Depends on the role etc I find. People think because I am in a traditional vocational role that we do it out of the good of our hearts not for money and that we shouldn’t be greedy and ask for pay rises.
Bollocks, I do enjoy my job mostly, I care about the people I come across but at the end of the day I go to work to get paid! I am highly skilled and in any other work place I would be getting paid for those skills.

If I had enough money aka lottery win or set for life I wouldn’t work at all!

I think it all depends on the context. I don’t bang on about money but my job is brought up a lot in the media so other people bring pay etc up.

Agree. Especially about how much money you want/are going to make.

Because the British have a weird attitude to money and don’t like talking about it.

I used to run a business in a specific industry that was often seen as a "calling" and a massive privilege to have that role, and I found that whenever I wanted to talk openly about how to get from where I was to where I wanted to be, a certain subset of people would shut it down with "Oh but we don't do it for the money" or "If it happens it happens" like it was some unpredictable lottery rather than running a business.

I found it really counterproductive when there were very successful people in the community who we could all have learned from (and who wanted to share what they did) who were being constantly talked over by these #bekind idiots who "don't do it for the money" but get insanely jealous of anyone more successful than them instead of learning how to do better. I eventually joined some niche groups that were for people like me who wanted to discuss how to scale what we were doing, but it can be a struggle even to find the groups for your industry because they're not always well advertised (precisely to keep the naysayers out), if they exist at all.

Unfortunately, OP, a lot of people just don't like talking about how to become successful and it holds them back (you can even see it on this thread with people accusing you of "yammering on" etc); don't let it drag you down as well.

We especially don't do ourselves any favours as women dragging other women down who want to succeed in life or avoiding talking about it because "nice girls don't talk about money".

UncharteredWaters

Because your a woman #bekind shite
it wouldn’t be said to a man - it would be seen as aspirational

Course it would, in fact men are probably told daily by women there’s more to life than that- dh is all about the climb, there’s a chance he’ll get there someday stand at the top and not realise he’s devastated the life he used to appreciate, his health, pastimes and relationships including friends and family

Well, I have no objection to this particular British ‘hypocrisy’, having lived in a country where people were endlessly, nosily asking - and it felt more like demanding to know - how much rent you were paying, how much you earned, how much you paid for this or that.

Are you actually doing something to achieve your goals or are you just talking about it?
You might want to look at LinkedIn for woman in business or network events as that’s where you’ll find the people that like to discuss these things and give pointers on how to get there.

I think British people skirt around money and think talking openly about it is really vulgar. I don't think this approach is a negative thing, and it applies to both men and women in my experience.

They wouldn't mind talking about money in a roundabout way by speaking about a desire for promotion or need for increased security/pension or e.g. talking about saving for a house deposit, but numbers themselves or talking about increasing your money for the sake of it or wanting to buy something really flashy wouldn't be the done thing.

As an example - I had a female friend who openly discussed earning £120000 as a business consultant in front of another friend who was earning less than minimum wage and couldn't afford to buy anything other than a portion of chips on a day out. It was awful and so insensitive. If she'd spoken about it without speaking of numbers in terms of trying to work more hours/try a new job as it would give her better prospects in future for promotion or she could pay more into her pension, it would have been an entirely different conversation. She could have let us know she was doing well but she would appear less knobbish.

Read the book 'watching the english'. It's really good for exploring English social norms.

Unfortunately, OP, a lot of people just don't like talking about how to become successful and it holds them back (you can even see it on this thread with people accusing you of "yammering on" etc); don't let it drag you down as well.

Totally agree with this.

I'm actively discussing money and building wealth with my DD so she becomes comfortable with a proactive mindset towards financial independence.

It doesn't matter what job you do, you should be able to consider how you can become more secure financially and what steps you can take.

I always inwardly roll my eyes at people, especially women, who say talking about money is crass or boring. That to me is the patriarchy talking through them by saying its not lady like. Men are never criticised for being ambitious or financially savvy. Sad thing is they don't realise how ingrained it is in them.

Isn't that a bit patronising though.

You're assuming that the woman on minimum wage would feel bad because you think that's how she should feel. Yes her situation is shit but maybe she's angry about it and looking for a way out, not to just be patted on the head and tiptoed around.

It's possible she may have actually thought how can I get out of this MW job and get better prospects for myself.

Not talking about money can trap women into embarrassed silence rather than looking for opportunities.

Why did you use chatgpt to write your opening post?

Brits have a weird relationship with talking about money, which I actually think is very damaging to women in particular - being able to talk about expected salaries for roles, for example, is really important as women tend to sell themselves short and not negotiate in the same way as men do so are on the back foot when it comes to inflationary and discretionary pay rises.

However, there’s a time and a place. I probably wouldn’t bring it up in a social setting unless we were specifically talking about my or their career progression, and I do think that there needs to be an awareness of your audience. I’ve noticed over the last year that jobs which were not considered minimum wage roles are now very close to it as the minimum wage has gone up but the salaries on offer haven’t.

I also think that it is disingenuous and unfair to tell people who are starting out in their careers that it’s all about having a vocation, and you don’t do it for the money - that’s as may be but actually everyone should be fairly recompensed for their time, and let’s be honest - life is much easier if you have enough money for the things you need. It’s a consideration that should be made, and with the best will in the world, a lot of people have jobs and careers that don’t necessarily fill them with joy but they don’t hate. If you’ve got disposable income it’s easier to do the things that do fill you with joy outside work 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Why can't I?