Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

Because its boring. Just do it and stop going on about what you're going to do.

Not true. If a man went on about how he wants to be super rich, earn loads of money etc, I'd find him very boring too. I find people that bang on about money all the time are boring - and often dicks. I don't care if they are male or female.

Yes, I think you are right.

Can nobody start a thread without using Chat GPT now?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

I see nothing wrong with aiming for stability or financial freedom, that's only a positive thing. However what you appear to be missing is that if people are 'harping on' about your choice to prioritise earnings it's probably because you've mentioned it so many times. Family, friends, colleagues. Why do you feel the need to keep discussing it? Just get on with doing it if they are all sick of hearing about it and disagree with you.

They say it because they are jealous about what you may have i think. I am very ambitious, I earn 6 figs, work very hard, always looking to advance. I never tell anyone in my friendship group though, only DH knows my true ambitions. Even his family don't know what I do and what i aim for - best kept under wraps.

I work in a 'vocation' type job. A friend who I was at uni with is in the same field and implied I was greedy for not settling for lower wages. Whereas I always chase top whack for what I do.

I used to be very idealistic about it but I think as you get older, you realise that vocation and idealistic attitudes don't fund a comfortable life.

Maybe other people have a different view of what it means to be successful in life and don’t feel that not ‘yammering on’ about success is holding them back.

Also, and this second observation is not aimed at you or op, but often it’s not the cream that floats. Often it’s the people who are all mouth and no trousers.

Agree. Recognise the use of a colour in the username,

Do you just ask ChatGPT to come up with threads that will get you a lot of attention/responses? Some of your recent thread titles

Why is envy such a taboo emotion to express

How do people with right wing views still have friends

Why have so many kids if you're struggling so much already

Agreed. And, Chat GPT comes across a bit American and very off in terms of natural conversation.

And they all get deleted.

People aren't overly fond of men that are always rabbiting on about money either.

Men tend to position themselves in terms of career goals so it's more about climbing the ladder and their position in life. It may be about money but it's seen to be crass and doesn't get mentioned.

Edited: got the wrong end of the stick. So, I agree!

Aside from the fact it's vulgar, because it's a silly thing to say. Everyone would like to be highly paid, but "make tonnes of money" isn't a plan. It's what a 7 year old says when asked what they want to be when they grow up. "Rich person" isn't a job title.

If you said, "I want to become X because I can see potential for earning a lot of money in that field," then that's marginally more interesting and less childish.

However, in general, it's just a boring topic. I don't want to know what salary someone is aiming for. If we're talking about work, I'd rather know about what makes a person passionate about their role, not the pay check.

It’s normal in the US but frowned upon in the UK.

Well I think it depends.
If you are saying you want a high paid job at any price whatever the personal cost to your self and your family and that you don't care what that job is even if it's a job that exploits others, then I would say your priorities are wrong.
If you are saying you want a fulfilling career that will also give you financial security then you are not being unreasonable

AI opening post aside...

What exactly are you saying to these people?
Do you put in a match level of effort into actually achieving the goals?

My ex sister in law was always banging on about how she was going to earn 100k a year, commute into London (from our Midlands town) every week, pass all these exams.. all she used to do was complain it was hard or fail to put concrete steps in place to actually get where she wanted to be.

There's only so much you want to hear about from someone who will never actually buckle down and do it.

I'd say they are either jealous or scared of your ambitions, as in scared you will make it and you'll be much richer than them.

I understand colleagues being like that but your friends and family should be understanding and encouraging you to go ahead and at least try to make your dreams come true.

Agree!

as a poster whether you are a previous poster or not. You odd abrupt responses and ‘what do you do’ attitude is probably more of what your ‘friends’ get annoyed with! They probs think ‘oh gosh here we go again!’

also as pp said it sounds like you’ve asked AI chat to just drum up an interesting topic!🙄

Because it's one of two things, both which are very much frowned on in British culture:

• Boastful
• Whingey

If you have loads of money, you don't need to to rub it in people's faces.
If you don't, well that's sad for you, but it doesn't help to embarrass everyone around you by complaining about how poor you are.

Also, there's a lot of moral and ethical stuff going on with money. If you're really rich, people are going to be judging how generous you are, how much you give to charity, whether you've made some shady choices to make all that money or gone into a less worthy career path.

If you've got none, then they'll be judging how you spend what you have and if you're effectively managing it or just feckless.

Perhaps people think you are claiming bragging rights???? Either way, I am personally not interested and zone out whenever anyone mentions salary, pay grades etc.

I don't agree I would see any man who is only interested in making pots of money shallow, boring and not someone I would want to spend much time with

Are you actually working towards this high-playing career, or are you just fantasising and telling people you will be successful and rich one day? I don't enjoy listening to people brag or talk about money making schemes at length, it's really quite annoying. Just do it then, don't bang on about it. It may be that people make these conversation terminating comments because you are boring them.

I don't think it's sexism as some posters have suggested. I have a male relative that talks at length about how well he's doing in his career and financially, and whilst we're all pleased for him, it is a bit boring when you've heard it all before. It's also a case of failing to read the room - people who work at just above min wage probably aren't going to feel great about themselves after having someone bombard them with how much their bonus was and how they much they spend on frivolous purchases.

How is this behaviour dickish?

Why not spend some time talking to high earners and find out what got them there?
I very much doubt 'telling people I want to earn loads of cash' will be the answer.
Boring reality: becoming a high earner is a mixture of hard work, dedication, having a career plan, being good at what you do, being a person that others want to work with, tenacity, patience, building skills and networks. Being in a sector like law, medicine or financial services helps but is not essential.
I did not start my career in a high earning role or sector. But by building skills, knowledge and being highly effective and nice to work with, I'd probably now match your high earning expectations OP. That's 28 years into my career.