Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

Thanks for clarifying. Never would write anyone off. I work in a field directly with people with disabilities. My posts have been about a particular situation and are not meant to be extrapolated to encompass all people with their unique disabilities.

Of course striving people who overcome obstacles to achieve is inspiring, but I would argue that someone stating their salary is not inspirational.

I stand by what I said about friend 1 based on my appraisal of the situation at the time. The comment on salary wasn't inspirational to anyone present.

I think it probably stems from the class system. If you are old money then you don't need to talk about money and if you are talking about money then it means you're a bit of a grabby social climber trying to claw your way into their ranks. It's not something 'polite society' discusses.

See also the queen never carrying money (she never had to grab a coke from a vending machine!)

Ha.

Glasgow Uni Freshers' Week, 1978.

"Why are you at university?"

"Well, I want to get a degree so that I can get a job with good money."

"Oh no! That's so wrong..."

NB Those who were quizzing me came from reasonably wealthy households. My dad was a coalminer.

Nowadays both civil servants. Needed 6 years of university education and several post-graduate qualifications to get to this point.

I earned £40000 on average from qualifying in 2011 until around 1 year ago due to maternity leave/part-time work. Now earn around £80000 part-time, husband earns £66000.

I'm so bored of these ChatGPT posts.

you can, but not being able to describe an issue you are having, about your own situation in your own words without using chatgpt slop is a sad state of affairs.

My career goals and life aspirations are very different, a job that doesn’t pay well, takes a lot of money and time to qualify for but in the end really helps people and people still criticise- it just proves we can’t do anything right, especially as women, so just carry on regardless of other people’s opinions.

I agree with PP’s just a British politeness thing but a lot of younger people don’t mind so much, probably the American influence online. I love talking about life plans, side hustles etc personally.

I've never experienced this, because I never talk about money with anyone but my husband.

I've chased a certain salary, and we should have our mortgage paid off by 50, and have very good savings in the bank and no debts.

But noone would know any of that, and I can't think how or why it would come up in conversation.

Are you a money bore? No one wants to hear about side hustles ffs.

Well, to be honest, that does sound pretty venal and shallow. And very very materialistic.

You'd probably get better responses by talking to people about how you want to improve your skills and abilities in your chosen career, and how you want to build networks, assist colleagues in getting good work done.

Your post makes you sound like an unrealistic teenager "make tons of money" - yeah, right.

well one reason is it makes people like me feel dubious about your reality.

Can I ask how you spotted this? I'd love to be able to spot when something has been written with AI, I feel like I don't notice and I'm gullible.

For a start, that poster can probably write in good grammatical English.

Do you have any educational qualifications @AmusedTaupePlayer What area did you study in university? What training have you done since? What hours do you put in?

High incomes are usually a result of intelligence, grind, long hours, and hard work.

...and some might say that that level of work ethic and skill doesn't bode well for those big career aspirations.

Op, posters are right, Brits are funny about money, you won't change it. Others are also right in that being a bit more open would be a good thing for many. There is a line though between finding things out and discussing ideas with relevant people, and spending more energy discussing grand plans with all and sundry than actually getting on with it.

@Dreamondreaminon Well the bold bullet points are a dead giveaway, but also there’s a certain recognisable perky writing style eg “So, Mumsnetters”.

Can't imagine any human uttering the phrase, 'You should focus on passion not paycheques'.

this one was easy. look at the layout.....then look at the layout of just about everyother person't post......

The multiple em dashes are always a huge give away

Oh yes the long dashes.

I have a MSc in Economics from a top London institution. I am about to become a management consultant.

I think the conversations I'm having with my DDs tend to be more around satisfaction - what do they need to be satisfied and how to get there. So some people may be happy with a little job, a little flat, a few hobbies. Other people may want to travel the world so will need a job with high income but some flexibility. Other people may need to be on a path of continual growth and change. I encourage her to think about her life holistically - not just 'how much would you like to earn?' or 'what do you want to be when you grow up?', but 'what do you want your life to look like - what matters to you, and will make you feel fulfilled and content, and what is necessary to achieve that?" and position herself accordingly.

Granted she's 8 and wants to be a farmer 😂But I don't think it is sensible to overfocus kids on money, nor do I think it is sensible for them to ignore it and just 'follow their dreams'. Money is a tool. It enables us to do and have things. A certain, highly variable amount of it will be needed by each person to give them the kind of life they want. A job, however, can eat up a significant portion of time and commitment, so there's no sense saying "I want to earn loads of money so I can do x y z" and so then pursue a career that prohibits actually DOING those things in any meaningful way. It's about considering the whole package and the overall outcome.

So you started in career in private law

Maybe they're worried that it's hard to achieve, and they're trying to encourage you to focus on something you feel passionate about, so that if you don't end up making big bucks, at least you're fulfilled in what you're doing, rather than stuck in poorly paid drudgery.

Nothing wrong with aiming for it, but it doesn't happen for everyone I guess...

I have a feeling I recognise this poster, purely from the repeated, abrupt questions which are almost barked out in response to often lengthy and thoughtful responses from posters.

If I'm right, this is yet another new career departure from someone who has represented themselves in previous threads in having failed exams at a Big 4 accountancy firm but posted lots on here in apparent total bafflement at her failure to be kept on, or the attitudes of her colleagues, flirted with being a teacher and who knows what else.

I may be wrong, but the combination of high career aspiration alongside zero people skills and an apparent incomprehension of why other people behave the way they do, combined with the majority of the responses being abrupt questions (and entirely different in tone to that of the original post) feels familiar.

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?

No idea. If you told me that you wanted to earn more money, I'd say good for you.

• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?

Nothing wrong with wanting financial security.

• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?

Everyone is working for money, they have bills to pay.

• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I don't tend to discuss money with people unless it's in a specific context. I don't care about other people's finances either.