Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

Because you're a woman.

Men are allowed the ''big jobs'' and to be ambitious but it makes women selfish and materialistic, they should know their place of course.

God make this AI slop end

irrelevant to question

Perhaps the people around you may be more willing to take notice if you stop talking about it and just do it….

I think pp is correct that it's seen as vulgar in the UK to talk about income and money. It's a cultural norm.

Also, with goals there's been research that shows when you talk about goals - eg, getting a high salary, you get the same dopamine hit as if you'd achieved that goal, and so you are less likely to put in the work and actually achieve it.

All that is to say, I'd aim high but keep your goals to yourself. My friends and family don't know how much I earn, or how much I aspire to earn - but as this is an anonymous forum, I earn just over £90k and my DH earns £150k. We're in our early 30s. It's definitely possible to hit a high salary if that's your goal - most people work for the paycheck!

If you can’t be bothered to draft your own OP, I can’t be bothered to draft an answer.

I like to just quietly get on with things and rarely discuss them with other people.

Other people might mean well, but they often tend to diss the ideas of those around them without even realising they are doing it. Plenty may disagree with me, but that is what my life experience has taught me.

So just get on with aiming for your goals. Share with others only once you have achieved some of them. Good luck.

with strangers it’s a bit weird, but with family and friends, dreaming about having more money and ways to do it comes up all the time - we’re all feeling so skint 😂

didn’t always used to be like this, but with family to feed its always on your mind

No, I don't think she SHOULD feel bad. I think she COULD feel bad and there is a difference. The first is obviously patronising, the second is what most ordinary people with a shred of empathy might think.

You are aware that I know both these people, right -meaning I am able to imagine the world from both their perspectives. The second is physically disabled to the extent where she is extremely limited with what she can do for work due to fatigue. She's not angry about her MW job and is unlikely to find conversations about earning £120000 motivating.

I do speak to my friends about money, but we talk with sensitivity and I only talk in more detail with friends who are not having a hard time financially. We talk about children's pensions and ISAs/university savings for children/goals with retirement and general investing. We talk about promotions and work opportunities.

They do not however know:

1. My salary
2. That we've paid our house off and can buy an £850000 house outright by the time we're 42 without inheritance /parental help.
3. That we can retire in our 50s with a fully funded pension and can cover all university expenses for our children.

If you're reading this and you think the above paragraph makes me sound like a self-satisfied arse, then you will be able to see the reason I don't share this information with my friends. It's quite possible to talk about money and allude to money goals/investment etc. without being fully open and risking causing hurt.

It’s an outdated taboo which people really should start to ignore, especially women.
I think it is a positive thing when people speak openly about these things, as long as you aren’t doing it to show off or make others feel small/uncomfortable.

Nothing wrong with only “being in it for the money”. That’s the only reason I have worked for the last 35 years. It certainly isn’t a passion.

I'm not aware of this reaction, are you based in the UK? People here seem pretty clear on how tight it can be to get by even in a good job so I don't think trying to earn more is frowned on at all.

How are you going to achieve this high-paying career, if you can't write a post on Mumsnet without AI? 🤨

Money as a goal is FINE.

I'm in quite a few business women's groups and I've followed a number of training programmes and this can be a big thing - reassuring us that YES we're worth it.

I think there is still the idea that women should do things for others; being nurturing, selfless, giving, kind as our only drivers.

Generally considered vulgar (in UK at least) to bang on about wanting money or boasting about having it.

Sexist disapproval of women who are career/money focused because they should be making sacrifices for their children and supporting their provider husbands and #beingkind by doing vocational jobs blah blah.

But I would add that it's also quite irritating when people go on about wanting a better job/more money. I find myself thinking "go and do that then and put your energy into succeeding rather than just spouting hot air". Most annoying if all is being told that I'm "lucky" to have my senior position and salary. No I just chose a profession known to be lucrative and quietly worked my arse off at it.

Just do it, FFS. If you're English, no need to talk about it.

What do you do and your dh do?

I don't think u r smug. I want to know how u did it? What career r u and your ds in?

Honestly, how you describe your financial situation doesn't sound self satisfying nor do you sound like an arse. I was actually thinking about more higher earners and HNW individuals than your situation to be honest and how that can be inspirational.

I'm close friends with a number of women entrepreneurs who've built successful businesses from nothing having come from very poor backgrounds. They are truly inspirational and one of them is now grappling with MS but soldering on. She a tenacious and inspirational lady. Don't write off those with disabilities.

Are there any Meet Ups or similar you could join, if not specifically for your industry, career building in general? You might find people are still reluctant to reveal their salary for all the above reasons but you will definitely find people who want to discuss goals etc. You’re likely to get new information and ideas, learn from others’ experiences. You might even find a mentor if that is something you’d find helpful.

Another post written by chat gpt.

It’s like two different people are writing your posts, chat gpt and then this one who writes u r. 🤣🙈

You wonder.

If you're doing to ask ChatGPT to write the question, couldn't you have just asked it for the answer?

Anyway, because the subject of you being rich is boring to everyone else, I imagine. I am by no means a HENRY, but we do have two properties paid by our own earned money. I think that's boring to talk about. Someone else, would be even more boring. There's endless forums about it though, so go there.

Which forums are out there?