Why do people feel the need to correct me when I talk about earning more money?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

I’ve noticed that whenever I mention wanting to earn more—whether that’s asking for a raise, talking about my salary goals or planning side-hustles—someone always swoops in to tell me I’m doing it “wrong.” Comments range from “That’s so materialistic” to “You should focus on passion, not paycheques” or “Are you just in it for the money?” It happens with friends, family, even colleagues.
I’m genuinely curious:

• What’s behind this urge to police someone’s income goals?
• Do people see a moral failing in chasing financial security or ambition?
• Is there a broader assumption that money-focus equals greed or shallowness?
• Have any of you experienced this “correction”? How did you handle it?

I’m not saying money is everything, but I don’t see why aiming for stability, freedom or the ability to give back should invite judgment. So, Mumsnetters—why do you think some folks feel compelled to harp on someone’s choice to prioritise earnings? Am I missing something here? Thanks in advance for your honest thoughts! 😊

Thanks

🤣

Why do you mix I and i?

I very much doubt anyone is jealous of OP’s ambitions, seeing that she had to use chat gpt to write her post.

I wonder why you feel the need to talk so often about getting rich to friends and colleagues?
Those who point out that there other things in life may be trying to help you be more balanced.

Seems like this is a total non problem, just stop saying it

Must admit I internally roll my eyes and change the subject when someone starts banging on about what they earn, are buying something expensive etc. Often comes across as boasting. I'm not interested, or inpressed, just bored.

Very flowery for a so called human. Def Chatbot territory as does the OP by the sounds of it.

Is it realistic? Are you planning your education/qualifications so you can get a highly paid job? Aspiration is a good thing, people who don't have aspirations tend not to understand it. But if you just go on about it, with no real expectation or plan of how you are going to achieve it, friends and family may try to get you to think more realistically about your prospects and be prepared to enjoy other aspects as well as financial.

Surely everyone does it for the money? I’m an actuary cuz I’m good at maths and wanted to earn a decent wage.

In interviews you have to make up some spiel about how much you love it but really it’s the salary.

All of our grad intake a few years ago all admitted the only reason we’re in this profession is the money.

Money gives you flexibility and security, I don’t think it’s materialistic at all.

I'm not sure if you can really explain a cultural norm to somebody. I would consider this to be mostly inappropriate and I can't quite articulate why. I'm Irish not British but we are similar in that way, possibly even more so. Boasting or self promotion is frowned upon, at least it was traditionally. It makes it very difficult to sell yourself in an interview because the norm is to talk yourself down. I guess talking about your ambitions is similar, it's kind of boasting. I would be taken aback if someone asked me about how much I earn or how much my house cost. To me its a private thing. Stating that you want to be rich for the sake of it does sound materialistic, although in reality most people obsess about money. I'm sure every culture has a different approach but from my own experience i find the way money is talked about in US to be strange, like the richest person is supposed to claim the most respect, regardless of what they do for a living.

It’s not very interesting chat, listening to someone build castles in the air, not if their castles are made out of tenners. If you said you wanted to be the world’s greatest ship-builder or fire-breather, I’d have a lot of questions. That’s not internalised misogyny, IME, it’s just hard to know what to say back. If someone said I want to go for a promotion, or pick a course at uni where I can maximise my earning potential, or to invest in a pension, that would be different. Those are all conversation starters. ‘I wanna be soooo rich and then I will be freeeee’ however, well, good, hope that happens. End of.

And depending on your current prospects it might make you seem either naively aspirational or, if you have the ability to get a job where you can really do it, a bit tone deaf. Say I was studying medicine, going on and on about what I could earn as a top surgeon would make me seem quite a fanny.

As to why people don’t like it in Britain, I’d say it’s because of the ingrained teachings of the class system. Our ‘betters’ don’t talk about money (or so we’re led to believe) so it’s seen as lacking in social graces to be like ‘gimme dat bag.’ Grasping and climbing are nasty words for wanting better than you were raised with. God forbid anyone should want a life of material comfort, why do we have the lottery, everyone is just rocking up at 8am for the love of work 😂

Also, we were historically a Christian country, so it has been ingrained into some of us as a cultural norm to view overt and voluble acquisitiveness as evidence of a moral flaw. ‘The love of money is the root of all evil.’ This is hypocritical on a number of levels (how much money is hoarded by organised religions for example) but that doesn’t stop people feeling that way.

It’s not immoral to want choices and freedom and money can potentially bring those things. But harping on the money element of living a fulfilling life also makes people feel more keenly what they lack. If people are ‘correcting’ you it seems like they’re challenged in some way by your words. Only you know who you’re talking to and what you’re saying. There are other reasons but these are just a few.

I agree that the more we talk of our dreams, the less we do to make them reality. We can win any battle in our head! Let them see what you can achieve, they’ll probably still have something negative to say, but it’s amazing how working to attain your own financial security makes you care less about those who’d try to bring you down.

Try to start with strong reputable house, ideally one of MBBs, or jump over there once possible. And you will be on 6 digit base from associate level onwards.

Boring reality: becoming a high earner is a mixture of hard work, dedication, having a career plan, being good at what you do, being a person that others want to work with, tenacity, patience, building skills and networks.

Very true @Twattergy. Can i add a bit of pot luck, good energy levels and most importantly the most volatile of all, the economy in relation to the industry you are in, particularly at the moment you begin your career.

If this is how you phrase it then I can understand their reaction.

Does make OP sound a bit like a fourteen year old telling everyone how they are going to make millions 'influencing' and all their plans for spending the money they are 'definitely' going to earn.

Because it's boorish, boastful and boring.

Being rich isn't a substitute for a personality and wanting to be rich even less so.

My one is a niche consultancy in Energy.

I’m afraid it’s why when living in Denmark a few years ago I liked the philosophy of janteloven - by all means make money ( it’s suprisingly capitalist) but I found people kept it to themselves and it was all quite discreet. - you have to factor in not everyone is in the position to earn mega bucks be it family circumstances, ability to learn, ability to sell in some cases , and sometimes plain luck and networks. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with ambition or drive but best delivered to a receptive interested audience I think

You can earn a fortune but if you are wasteful and spend it on depreciating assets then having a minimum wage job and being careful with money could end up making you more overall

No judgement meant for OP. It can be easier to get ChatGPT to edit for spelling/clarity.

It's all about the structure and the punctuation is very weird. ChatGPT seems not to know about semicolons. You can often see it's ChatGPT written by looking at the overall shape of the text and the unnatural structure of any questions asked. A human would not use the wording written in the OP's questions.

i wouldn’t tell them. I would just get on with it. Fuck ‘em.

Your threads are utterly bizarre.

Also someone who is crap at writing, would probably see no issue with the wording or structure, they would just think it looked professional and fancy.

I would find personal relationships deeply unsatisfying if the other person only focused on wealth and ambition.
Theres nothing wrong with feeling it and wanting it but what do you gain from sharing it? Apart from perhaps a sense of superiority.
Its just quite self centred and potentially alienating. Not everyone measures success in numbers (or followers or likes). No one in my social circle has any idea what I earn…I want them to value me on who I am, my values, how I make them feel. People tend to like and want to spend time with people that make them feel good…and that typically doesn’t look like someone so centred on “self”.
Join the FIRE and Henry subreddits where you can talk about it freely and anonymously

Considering how well-educated you say you are, it's a pity you weren't capable of stringing a few paragraphs together and writing your own OP then, isn't it?