Bear with me and I'll try and explain.
I'm a middle aged woman, financially and practically independent. I don't "need" a man and tbh in many ways prefer life without one, I certainly wasn't looking for one.
Then I met this man through a sport. One of many things I took up to "rebuild" and create this independent life for myself.
He's also middle aged, a bit younger than me, never married, no kids (which whilst may raise eyebrows has its pluses!) does some interesting work, but only works enough to keep the wolf from the door and pay for his trips etc, doesn't plan for the future or own his home, for example. He has a good single lifestyle, nice car and holidays, and pays his way, but he's not well set up. But I'm not looking for a financially sound life partner to.e.g. have a family with.
So, there's the cons. On the plus side, he's keen to see me, makes plans and sticks to them, completely reliable, i never feel anxious a out whether he'll call, doesnt play games, does loads of the "wife work", the admin of arranging a weekend away or a night out with friends. He has loads of ideas for fun things to do and makes them happen.
He manages to respect my independence and is happy for me to do things alone or with friends (including male friends) at the same time as letting me know he loves being with me. He manages to achieve that without ever making me feel bad for doing things without him, which may well be as it should be but I don't think that's always the case?
He's very supportive about anything I want to achieve and being with him is just comfortable. We have fun together and do interesting things, but doing "nothing" together is lovely too. He's also very kind to others. Through the sport we know some unusual people, e.g a young man with learning difficulties and some people with autism. He always goes out of his way to talk to those that others ignore, and include them in plans.
This weekend was the anniversary of a very difficult date for me. We went to a "thing" with a lot of mutual friends and aquaintances. It's what he loves, being with people, I find it more difficult, although I enjoy it once I'm there, I have to work at it, and this wasn't a good day for me, so I wasn't feeling great about it. We arrived together, he said some kind words and then we circulated seperately. It was all good, and every time I started to struggle he popped up by my shoulder to check on me, either chat with me for a bit or support the conversation I was having. It was like he was completely tuned into what I needed in that moment.
So, outwardly he's not a good catch, but things have been so good.
Now having written this out I realise my concerns are ridiculous, and he adds so much to my life, but I still think many on MN would think he's one to throw back because financially, I'm likely to carry the load, especially, as we approach old age/retirement.
I haven't really asked, but I suspect his retirement plans are mostly based on an anticipated inheritance. I don't love that about him, but it will be significant, even if his parent lives long and needs a lot of care,so I can kind of see why he might not worry about it, and the way he lives for the moment is one of the things that makes him good for me at this stage in life.