I HATE my 4 year old, I dont want to look after him anymore, I have given up parenting him.

[13MAPARTHELL]

I cannot stand my 4 year old,
he has been referred twice and they have not continued due to nursery. He is an angel for others, he does not like me clearly and I dont like him. He is extremely difficult, ruins single handedly every day out, every trip to the park, every activity. It is near on impossible to manage, it’s extremely difficult to have a job, he is naughty on purpose, and im not joking he pushes every boundary, repeatedly. He is a huge wind up, he hates everyone, he hates his brother, he hates me.

i let him do what he wants now, I’ve completely signed off mentally, and physically because I am struggling to find love for him right now, i really am.

i am finding myself saying some not nice things, because nothing makes an impact.

i just feel like I dont want to be around him at all.

Thank you, I believe he does have PDA and this was the pathway the ND were going down, and then refused to continue.

I rang the GP, I wont be leaving until they help me.

I went to the pharmacy while on the phone to 111 off and on for 4 hours yesterday as my youngest son has eczema that caused hes skin to slide off and alot of pain, I said im not leaving till I got the cream that I needed.

i just wish I didnt feel so alone in my efforts because its hard to try and get an entire system to bloody listen

I have sympathy OP, it’s not hard it’s impossible at times and extremely lonely. Things other parents take for granted you can’t do.
Pps may find it hard to believe but there’s very little help or support and GPs are often of no help whatsoever.
Paid childcare for the majority of the summer is the most obvious way forward. Holiday/out of school clubs (often attached to nurseries) often take from 2 or 3 year olds.
Contact the school now with all the information you already have and hopefully they will be able to start sorting some help/diagnosis. It won’t be a quick process unfortunately. Until then do whatever it takes to ensure you all survive.

I work in human trafficking safeguarding, I certainly know

I think you need to back off and stop harassing an OP who is at the end of her tether.

have you made contact with Early

Help team at your local council?

Referral himself yourself - pay for a private diagnosis. Or go via clinical partners, right to choose and complete the questionnaire.

cant diagnose autism or not but basically he has extreme violence towards you and his sibling - this leave you both at risk.

What punishments does he have. Eg refused to follow instruction time out. Hit time out.

I would take the tv away completely. Everything snacks etc

he earns rewards.

He is nice to you for 10 minutes he gets a marble he gets 10 marble he has an hour on tv.

OP - you’re going to be inn-undated but I’d like to recommend ‘The Explosive Child’ - I’m a mum of autistic kids and then was a PA (several years later) to a child who made mine look like completel angels (I was pushed backwards down stairs, frequently on the back end of missiles eg stones, kept awake for hours as they threw things at my bedroom door, witnessed animal cruelty etc - seriously off the charts stuff) and this book helped.

Thank you,

the thing is, hes gets so much attention way more than his brother, which is also a concern making things difficult, but at the same time he is quite independent and easy to deal with, so we do give our 4 year old more attention as I feel he needs it the most, and I just try and juggle this basically. Nursery did say to me he is very unpredictable, this js where we struggle we cant see the signs, it is so unpredictable!

Op i say this with love but our kids pick up on how we are feeling and bounce off that. I wonder if perhaps you would benefit from some counselling or family therapy to first off help you feel happy but also get you some coping strategies.

This stuff doesn’t work for ND.

And that cements it.

I have nothing but empathy for you. If you’re anywhere near the midlands drop me a line.

I agree. It also doesn't work for many NT kids either and can actually backfire.

Thank you, this makes me feel alot better.
people dont understand and just think im shit maybe, but ive tried so much, so I do give in because the price of not doing so can be catastrophic, and its not good for anyone, or for him, as he is so full of rage.

i feel such mum guilt for it

then i take him to the park to burn off, and he just causes issues and attacks his brother, who is sensitive and does not fight back, so hes then impacted too, and he does deserve a though

I wouldn’t know - I’m ND myself. But none of it sounds remotely like anything that builds on relationship. I certainly lived a lot of it.

Thank you, its hard because their dad is also very emotionally unintelligent/ available and my mother is, just absolutely awful.

SOMETIMES i would like A shoulder to just cry on for a moment, its always met with judgement of some kind you know?

like im trying my bloody best, so many barriers!

Thanks

OP - how is your partner towards you? If you feel you can share.

I am not surprised you feel so alone OP.

It is utterly exhausting trying to look for help, and being turned down, and of course you need help just at the moment you feel most exhausted.

Have you accepted the referral for the 2 month waiting list?

I do think there might be something in the cycle that he has set up, referenced by a pp: he tries to get your attention and keep your attention away from his brother, and being violent and non-compliant works.

But t this stage personally I would want expert / informed support to break this cycle. So am not surprised you are exhausted and fed up.

I understand, I do think with his age its very hard and as you mention unpredictable. I don't want to diagnose over the internet, but I hope NHS listen to you and get you the referral you need. Along with the support and care. Have you considered sending him to special needs school? x

FGS at least read all the OP's posts before writing something trite.

Have you considered sending him to special needs school?

Presumably he'd need a diagnosis first! Which the OP is crying out for.

Im trying to appeal, again
but now i regret it as I cant do right to chose while thats going through if that makes sense, as Ive already looked into this.

we put him in his room basically, which has to be empty, i spent hundreds on a sensory house etc, smashed the shit out of it within minutes

so we tried rewards, but he cant do them so if you give him one marble, he wants more, right now - no matter how you explain it without saying no, he knows its a no, and then it starts….

its so so difficult

we tried rewards charts with stickers instead, and a prize but same thing happened it ended worse than when it started etc

Oh good god.

do you have ANY idea at all about the SEN system?

Thank you, so not yet because we need the diagnosis.

we were very careful, we picked a school which is very calm, small, with a big outdoor area, its very structured and there values are really strong in love and compassion

they way the discipline is very light, and only communicative, they take them into a sensory room and have conversations about how they feel etc

we felt this would be the best fit for him, its a community driven school, so would be good for me too