Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

I'm with you! It would be a no from me. 13 is the age where sexual feelings start and experimentation with others begins...even earlier than that sometimes. Sounds gross but its true. That could lead anywhere. The parent in question is irresponsible

Bit peeved that I was the only one to put the brakes on this

I am the embarrassing parent that spoke up about a house party (where there would be "some alcohol") after the parents had the bright idea that it would be OK to go off and leave a housefull of 16 year olds unsupervised. When I spoke to the mum she said that they would only be 10 minutes drive away and that they got on with the neighbours so the kids had somewhere to go in an emergency 🤦‍♀️. Anyway, I said it had to be supervised and then afterwards a few other parent's told me how relieved they were - presumably they would have let their children go?

Apart from the obvious stupidity of leaving adolescents to just do their own thing and not feel any sense of responsibility towards them, I couldn't believe anyone would take such a risk. They would have been liable if anything had gone badly wrong.

Surprised your DH was fine with it. He doesn't sound very protective 😮

Big, fat no from me, whatever sex the kids were.

She’s basically using other kids to babysit so she can stay over at boyfriend’s place. Out of order.

@Beetletweetle
I don't know why you're being jumped on about leaving your 2 year old with your neighbour:/colleague when you clearly stated that you didn't know about her poor parenting at that point. Either reading comprehension is poor in some posters or they are choosing to deliberately miss the point. Probably a mix of both

God, I remember the exact same thing happening when my dd was that age. When I said no due to mixed sex & being unsupervised, sleepover mum messaged me to try and persuade me to say yes so that dd wouldn’t miss out 🤯🤯 I took the moaning from dd and didn’t bother with sleepover mum.

Wow. Well I guess your DD won't be going after all then. The woman is a complete idiot.

First rules of mumsnet, if a child is left alone without their parent for even a minute...

1. The parents should be jailed
2. The child will no doubt be sexually assaulted or kidnapped.
3. Lock all kids up

Not appropriate to leave 13 year olds on their own overnight whatever the gender of the kids. Fact it's mixed just makes it a bit more worrying

DD would never be going to this house again if I got that text, the other child could stay at ours but that's it

First reply nails it.

Please make triple sure they ARE supervised at any mixed gathering (doesn't have to be a sleepover for this). My close friend's daughter was raped, aged 13, by a boy at an unsupervised gathering at one of the kids' houses during half term.

No to no adult supervision, but I did pretend I was on a sleepover at that age when in fact we were (mixed) camping in a local field, no shenanigans and we emerged unscathed with parents none the wiser.

Yes but the poster who left her toddler with the parent she has later found out to be careless and absent (I mean she looked after the toddler for half hour and thought perfect t time to take a shower!) clearly is concerned about the 8 year old, but has t been motivated to actually pursue the matter. I’d have dropped the school an email.

Nor any of the boys homes considering that their parents had to rely on the op to speak up, otherwise it would have gone ahead

I have four here only one still a teen.
I have been a yes parent and have been very chill.

However my children knew well never to lie to me, nor mess me about.
Their safety was my number 1 priority and we always collected with a rota with other parents.

My youngest at 18 has friends who like vodka and she knows that while I accept she likes a drink she needs to mind herself carefully.

All flexibility will go out the window if she puts herself at risk and lies to me about where she is.

She knows I am chill.
I made it very very clear to all my children that whatever goes down, mine is the first number to call always if they or their friends are stuck.

The free house children have too much opportunity to make poor choices involving drink.

Its not fair as adults to allow them to be in that position.

Is your 18 yr old planning on uni in September?

Yep the popular girls and boys at my school just had sex around each other.

Eh? so you saw them?

DD has been to a mixed boy girl sleepover. The two boys are lovely, and at time were best mates with the girls. One of them has recently come out as gay. She's never had an unsupervised sleepover though.

Sometimes when all the other parents are doing one thing then it can make you question what is okay.

Not a cat in hells chance No boys at 13 years old and definitely not being left alone in a house overnight with no adult supervision. What planet is the other parent on

Yep sadly at a house party aged 14, me and my friend left after seeing that. Spoke to one of them at school and she said they did it all the time, didn’t swap partners but just did it in the same room. I got my eyes opened, me and my friends hadn’t even had a first kiss yet

This is the way to go. Agree with all of this.