Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

More red flags than a grand prix after a ten car pile up!

In short, of course you are right to cancel, and while it might in theory be ok for a mixed sleepover (separate bedrooms) with adult supervision - I mean my daughter has been on sleepovers with girls who have brothers - the mother has shown herself to totally incapable of exercising said adult supervision.

The mixed gender thing wouldn't bother me because I know my daughter but only at my house. Her room is through a fairly thin wall from my front room. I absolutely would not go out and leave them all alone overnight. That's not safe or sensible.

I think the point is… would you leave your toddler with someone who you had bugger all knowledge re how they parented their own children?

Definitely say no to boys and no to no adult supervision!…ridiculous, you need to put your foot down ..

To be honest I'd be making an excuse to not allow my DD to attend at all. Will they be supervised until 11pm? I'd fell really uncomfortable about this and would question the mothers judgement really

Not sure it’s your daughter that’s doing any “darkening”.

I would cancel completely, no matter what she comes back with. The fact that she even considered allowing this, means her judgement is basically crap - no way would my child be going there.

I don't mind mixed sleepovers, most of my DDs friends were boys and she is a lesbian, I also went to mixed sleepovers as a teenager and it was all very innocent. I wouldn't leave a 13 year old with no supervision over night though.

There were 4 girls and one boy in my group of friends whilst growing up. The boy used to be included in our sleepovers all the time, from 11 to college years. If those 2 boys are anything like my friend used to be there’s absolutely no problem, and they might be. I’d have a look at the boy’s socials before jumping to conclusions.

Unsupervised? A big no.
Without parental supervision what's to stop the boys ringing a load of mates to drop in?

What?! Staying elsewhere to give 13 year olds space to do what they want! This is soooooo irresponsible and I couldn't imagine anyone doing this, ever.

This can't be real, I don't believe this is real.

You would make your decision based on the boys socials? @MayNov

Their socials might reveal the boys identify as girls something along those lines which would explain why they would be interested in a sleep over.

And if they didn’t reveal this, then you’d be ok with it?

If they didn’t reveal this then no, I wouldn’t be ok with it unless they slept in separate rooms which would go against the whole purpose of a sleepover.

No!!!

So I don’t see your initial point then?If those 2 boys are anything like my friend used to be there’s absolutely no problem, and they might be. I’d have a look at the boy’s socials before jumping to conclusions.

So if their socials did reveal that they “identified as girls”… then you’d be fine with it?!

I would say that you don’t feel a sleepover with no adult supervision is ideal. I would also let her know that you are not keen on a mixed sleepover. however, it does depend on the maturity and friendship these children have but likelihood that one of them with think sexually is likely as all develop at different stages. You may then find a situation of peer pressure.

I would therefore tell your daughter she cannot sleepover but can stay until x time where you will collect her but insist an adult is there for the evening.

Exactly this ..

Yes, this, sadly just not trustworthy with a young teen

Broadly, I wouldn't necessarily have an issue with a mixed sleepover if I knew the kids and they were supervised.

However the fact this woman was OK leaving 13yr olds alone means her judgement can't be trusted. Nothing she can say now would make he OK with my DD in her house overnight

I'm thinking the parent of the boy who also is retrieving him was a bit in the dark/deciding on how to proceed and then followed your lead. No way would I put my son in the position of trying to figure out what's appropriate and safe at 13 at an u supervised mixed sleepover.
I'd be wary of the girl's mum now. Seems to be a significant lack of judgment.

11pm for a 13 year old? That is asking for the same sort of trouble as staying overnight!

Haha! I went to a mixed boarding school and I know, even with Action Man eagle eyes and hawk ears matron and a house master on duty, what 13 year old boys and girls get up to when visiting each other's dorms!!
I would say no mixed sleepover and no adult supervision it ain't goin' ahead!
End of chat.
She seriously needs to give her head a wobble if she truly believes that that's OK! Some people i am sure are not living on this planet!