Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

Is she having a laugh? I’d respond with ha ha, no way!

Oh she's trying to be a "cool mum". They're always the ones who put their kids in danger. No way would I allow this.

You just have to say no, sorry you hadn’t realised there would be boys and you also aren’t comfortable with the lack of adult presence- so sorry but your daughter will no longer be coming. It’s ok to have boundaries. This parent is an idiot.

Firstly you don’t think that an 8 year old wondering around the neighbourhood alone might be a cause for calling the police?
In an estate we used to live in a lot of children that age were just let off, on the way to school we see lots of children that age and sadly younger on their own, the police wouldn’t ever do anything.

op to me it sounds like she’s trying to get you all to pull out so she doesn’t have to say no to her dd

My friends little girls life changed forever due to sexual assault age 13 at a sleepover, pick the girls up take them to yours

I know! Why on earth would you leave a toddler in the care of someone like that?!

However, you thought you'd leave your toddler with her?

I'm amazed that you even think this is up for discussion, OP. No to the sleepover.

Oh my god that’s insanity! I would say no way and wouldn’t trust my daughter ever sleeping over there again.

You do realise people on this board can also be in different times zones don’t you? Must admit I hate this habit, that seems to happen a lot these days, of the OP buggering off and never returning though.

LochKatrine

I’m not the op, I think maybe it quoted me by mistake?

Eh? All eight year olds run around alone in my neighborhood. With the six year olds trailing them. We need them home for dinner, we post in the local WhatsApp group to send the kids home if spotted. That's a wonderful youth, not a neglectful one.

13 year olds unsupervised over night.....no way. I've never heard of a mixed sleep over but this would depend on how well I knew the parent. In this case I would be thinking no as this parent is showing all the signs of having no fucking clue how to parent. I have taken kids on mixed school trips with separate rooms for boys and girls so with the right supervision it might be ok.

Sounds like the type of cool parent who will leave them with a carton of alcopops because “they will get it anyway”.

Sorry, @stayathomer . My error!

Any doubt at all with sleepovers and the answer’s no. It’s as simple as that.

No is a complete sentence other than with kids these days.

Oh my god, yes. The parenting type "they're going to do stuff anyway" .
What could possibly go wrong?

Concerning you need to ask
Absolutely. She’d not be going and I’d be having a hell of a punishment strong conversation about why she didn’t tell you there would be 2 girls and 2 boys.

no- no discussion, not happening

Goodness me no. We regularly have sleepovers here, mostly boys (DS14 has one friend who is a girl, not a girlfriend) and we say no if we're not around. 13 and not even in the house -no way!

There was a mum in dc's school like this & nobody was surprised when her 14 yr old dd got pregnant. We'd have been surprised if she didn't get pregnant tbh; so sad as the poor girl didn't stand a chance with a mum like that.

It's a form of grooming and child neglect; a classic boiling frog situation. No boundaries since early childhood and the modelling of adult behaviour started early.

Edited to say mention it to the safeguarding officer at school especially because the risk of sexual assault/ accusations while there's no adults present. It goes beyond having a cool time without adults.

It would have be a no with no adult supervision regardless of there being both boys and girls.

I agree!

Friend could come here for a sleep over, but DD wouldn't be going there, not until she was older.