Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

No!

No adult supervision is a very strong no from me....and I struggle that another parent would think that is acceptable.

At that age, and onwards, mixing sexes is just a thing. My lads both had and have very good female friends - but they all hang out as a group, rarely 1:1 or 2:2 like that. I would also have a sit down with DD to ask what the plan really was....

No freaking way!

WTF is that mother thinking of? Talk about laissez-faire….
Let’s hope she won’t be coming on MN in the not too distant, saying her 14 year old dd is pregnant, what should they do…

Maybe I’m too strict, but I’d also be saying no to DD going at all, for the fact that she lied about boys being there.

Two huge NOPES!

No fucking way.

When I was 13 we would have our sleep overs at our friends house who’s mum was the “cool mum”. She was always out often getting home late or staying out all together.

We had access to alcohol, had boys over to stay and yes I was sexually active.

Do not let this sleepover happen.

Surely you wouldn't leave a 2 yr old with access to a main road alone? And I must be a helicopter parent, because I'd worry about my kid getting run over at the age of 8, or some pervert trying to take advantage.

I think it gets harder to police who they are friends with from 12/13, especially if they see each other at school.

There's not much point dictating who your teenager should/ shouldn't be friends with - they'll find a way at that age if they want to. They have more independence at secondary school.

As a parent of course you can refuse to facilitate driving them around/ taking them to see certain friends you don't approve of but really, by 13, most will see who they want to, either at school or by lying to you or by other means.

You have to equip them with the knowledge and life skills and hope they'll make the right decisions and communicate well with you. A lot of that foundation work is done before they hit secondary school.

You are normal don’t worry!

Far too young.

The police wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested.

In my village children from 6 up are regularly outside playing. Mostly they stay on their own street but some of them go in groups to the park or the shop.

It might not be what you would do but it's not illegal.

The fact your 13 year old has LIED to you would be the no 1 reason she’d be told not on your Nelly are you going anywhere!!

I think this is on you letting a mum you don't trust and know is unreliable to look after your child.

Keep an eye on it but it isn't the child's fault she has irresponsible parents. I cannot imagine what the mother was thinking!

I'm glad you are not the only one to have concerns about this. Picking up at 11pm seems a sensible compromise to me, or somebody else hosting and being present.

No more visits to this friend’s house, sorry.

Why the hell would you need advice for this??
you should know how to deal with this situation which is wrong on so many levels

They're 13!!

I think I'm quite laid back with rules compared to some parents on mn but there is absolutely no way I'd ever consider this safe or appropriate!

13 is too young to be alone overnight, and I absolutely wouldn't allow mixed sleepovers at that age, it's a recipe for trouble!

At least the mum told you I guess?

Too public for shenanigans?

Really??

I wouldn’t have an issue with a mixed sleepover assuming it was supervised and the context was appropriate (best boy mates - fine! boyfriends - no!). My dd sometimes stays over at her good boy friend’s house, but she is supervised and they’ll all sleep downstairs or she shares a room with his sister.

Absolutely would not be sending my 13 year old to stay overnight anywhere without adults. I wouldn’t leave mine home alone overnight with or without friends.

I would pull the plug on the whole thing or invite them to yours instead.

I agree with most posters @Platypusdiver - I’m quite lax but certainly would not want an unsupervised sleep over at 13 x

Sounds like the mother thinks it's a bad idea but doesn't like telling her daughter no so she is messaging you all so that you do it for her.

Absolutely not, to both. My 13 year old DD would not be going to this.