Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

Don't throw your child under the bus like this. She might have been wrong not to say there will be boys if she knew, but this is all on the mother.

I agree
That would be a bloody awful message to send. Basically blaming your 13 year old daughter and risking humiliating her

I agree with this - make the decision yourself and own it. Don’t say anything about your dd.

“Thanks for the invite but I don’t allow unsupervised or mixed sex sleepovers”

Sounds like lazy parenting from the sleepover mum to me. She clearly is more thinking about herself and her bf and can't be bothered with her own kid. This is absolutely not okay I dont blame you OP. As previous poster said though even with her "supervision" I still wouldn't trust is she sounds very lazy daisy would probably have all 4 sharing one bed 🙄 my nerves would be gone knowing this person who either doesn't care or is clueless is "supervising" and is would be a firm no to the mixed sleepover

Don’t send this - it will embarrass and mortify your teen.

A simple ‘We are not comfortable with unsupervised mixed sleepovers at such a young age, thank you for the invite, on this occasion dd won’t be able attend’

I feel very sorry for the child being left in such vulnerable situations.

This. It’s not a sensible sleepover at all, frankly - I’d pull the plug. Bug you need a talk with your daughter as had the mum not contacted you you would not have known about the boys

Hi all! Thanks for the confirmation (not that I needed it....blindingly obvious). I said no way to the sleepover. But said i would pick up dd at 11. As soon as I said that in the group chat, one of the boys' parents said they would do the same. Obviously i am not the only one uncomfortable about this.

So it has turned into a hangout night and then the boys and girls have their own separare sleepovers.

Bit peeved that I was the only one to put the brakes on this.

But maybe dd knew that and that is why she lied to me. A new, different type of problem....

No I was asking @Walkerzoo

But the mother won’t be there

@Theroadt

Exactly!

No way! Not would this mean no sleep over this time, but never ever with this parent. Or for my DD. So, your DD knew there would be other friends and she said nothing? No way. I bet you she would have said someyhing if they were other two girls. It stinks.

Are you sure you want to encourage this friendship? I am further down the track, and it’s exactly these ‘cool parents’ that ply their kids with alcohol and encourage them to be older than they are.

We might be busy that night or become busy in the very near future, your teen needs boundaries at this age even if she doesn’t know it.

But the mother won’t be there

One of the other parents have made clear that they want supervision. If not, they will host at their place.

I would just say sorry, she won't be coming. I don't feel comfortable leaving them overnight with no adult to supervise and she is not allowed to go to sleepovers where there are boys. Direct is best. She clearly needs it spelling out to her if she saw no problem.

HELL no.

And? Has the mothered confirmed?

Are you sure you want to encourage this friendship? I am further down the track, and it’s exactly these ‘cool parents’ that ply their kids with alcohol and encourage them to be older than they are.

I am a bit concerned. I will be watching closely now.

Absolutely not, and I am lax parent central.

Mine did have mixed sleepovers as young teens, and all in one room, too. So too public for shenanigans. But they were good friends, and are still good close friends now they are in their 20s . They have all looked out for each other and looked elsewhere for boy / girlfriends as anything else would be ‘weird, she’s like my sister’.

But a load of unsupervised 13 yos overnight? Nah.

There have always been neglectful parents… perhaps more so when we were younger (I’m early 50s). This isn’t a “what’s happened to society” thing.

It would be a hard “no” from me. Completely irresponsible.

Aren’t you a bit 🤔 with you DH’s view on it?

She is mad to do that. I’d be saying no too.

Can’t believe you are still letting her go. So no consequence for withholding the information that it was girls and boys.

Yes, letting your 8 year old “play out” is hardly a police matter unless there are extenuating circumstances.

She said she knew the woman quite well and explained how. Do try to read properly.