Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

The poster didn’t say she hardly knew the woman - she said this happened before she realised how lax her parenting skills were.

Jesus, absolutely not. At 13 I was going to mixed sleepovers and everyone was having sex or at least doing 'stuff'. Some were 'supervised' (adults in their own beds. Had no idea, or didn't care, what was going on), others unsupervised. The unsupervised ones always included alcohol. Even if your daughter is sensible and well behaved she might be put in an uncomfortable position. Even if the mum now says she will stay and supervise I would be saying no to this

As a mother of only boys I would not like this one bit.

It is so irresponsible. I would be looking at limiting time spent at this friend’s house. All very seedy dressed up as innocently accommodating.

That poster very clearly said the incident was before they realised that their parenting skills were so lax. Lots of reading comprehension fails around this post.

Indeed. I was very clear. I have no idea why you'd leave a toddler with someone who you don't know very well, or don't know how lax they were.
I would never have left my toddler with someone who I didn't have a very clear idea about.

Jesus. I veer on relaxed but absolutely no fucking way!

Dh got a call from Dd aged 14 saying her and her best friend felt uncomfortable as there boys at the sleepover and could he collect them. Never seen a man move so fast. Host was extremely posh but hippy mum who saw no problem with it 🙄

Mother could have messaged her at 1am.
OP could be not in your time zone.

How old are they?

13

Yea but clearly hardly knew the woman and her parenting

First post nails it.

Meaning that the poster barely knew the woman @Rosscameasdoody !

Nope definitely not

I love the irony of @Rosscameasdoody mentioning reading comprehension skills 😆

True 🤣 🤣!

Quite. Thank you 👍

Are they boys definitely boys? Sorry, in this day and age, I had to ask.

It would be a no to unsupervised sleepover at 13 even if it was 4 girls, let alone mixed, 2 girls, 2 boys, hmm🤔

And at 13, i don't care how supervised it is, they will still be alone, they aren't going to be sat with the bedroom door open all night, it would be a definite no from me

And both yours have best friends of the opposite sex… have they ever asked for a sleepover?

No way.

Absolutely not, for so many reasons, not just sexual and the fact that they’re inquisitive at that age but safety reasons too.

What's wrong with your judgement that you have to ask!

The poster didn’t say she hardly knew the woman - she said this happened before she realised how lax her parenting skills were
That doesn't make that situation any better!!

No to the mixed sleepover and no to the lack of adult supervision.

My dd would not be going there ever again. This kind of lax parenting will spill into underage drinking, parties etc very, very soon. This is your warning, encourage other friendships asap and give this family a wide berth.

You were lucky to have the heads up whilst there is still time for dd to branch out and away from this.

If the other girls mum has such a blasé attitude to her own child’s welfare then I would have concerns for that child and I certainly would not be allowing my DD to have a sleepover there.
it strikes me that the mother wants to have some fun with her own BF and clearly has no regard for the welfare of her own child but thinks, but by bringing other children into her home then her DD will be safe.
No one in their right mind leaves a 13 yr old overnight with children of similar ages regardless of their sex.
Keep you child at home OP……. if challenged the mother might say she will stay at home but I doubt she will keep her word.

“Thanks for letting me know. Dd didn’t mention it was a mixed sleepover though and I’m not confident she is mature enough to attend one. I’m also not confident enough she is mature enough to be left alone overnight so sadly dd isn’t going to be able to attend”.

I’d send the above. It’s polite enough not read as “what the fuck are you thinking?” but hopefully will give her pause for thought.

Absolutely idiotic. Stupid stupid woman off to shag her bf. Wonder if that was her actual plan - using some 13yo mates as “childcare” whilst she has a night away.

when my dd was 15, I said no to an unsupervised sleepover she was invited to. The other parent phoned me up and pressed me as though I was overprotective and overbearing for saying no. I stuck to my guns.