Sleepover - a bit shocked

[Platypusdiver]

Dd is going to a friend's for a sleepover. Friend is a girl and both are 13. I get a whatsupp message this morning from the friend's mother. Addressed to me and the parents of two boys, telling us that she (mother) will sleep at her boyfriends to give the kids more room!

First, I didn't know there would be boys, which i am not over the moon about. That is on dd for not telling me. However, I am shocked that a parent of a 13 year old girl thinks an unsupervised sleepover with boys is a good idea (13 as well). (Also, it's at her place, if anything were to happen, it would ultimately be her responsibility.)

Obviously, I am going to say "no adult supervision, no sleepover". But I am also uneasy about it being mixed. Would it be okay? Dh thinks so long as the friend's mother is there it would be okay.

I don't think sleepovers are a necessary childhood experience, I wouldn't host one or allow my kids to go to one.

I didn't realise she did that with her 8 year old. It was moving day. We needed help so he wasn't squashed by moving wardrobes. As I say, she lives 5 doors down, a trusted colleague. Just quite laid back parent which I now know having lived near her.

She clearly said she left the toddler with her before she knew what she was like

Absolutely no way.
No sleepover with boys and no unsupervised sleepovers.

My kids have never gone for sleepovers with friends and we've never hosted any. I don't want to be responsible for someone else's kids nor did I want to be falsely accused of anything either.

DS is 12 and has sleepovers with his best friend who is a girl. They have been friends since reception though.

I wouldn't let him go to an unsupervised sleepover. And I wouldn't let him go to a mixed sex sleepover with girls (other than his best friend) even if the parent was there. Too much potential for things to go wrong!

Nope absolutely not unless you want to become a grandmother in 9 months. I would also stop her going round their all together at anytime as she sounds a shit mum and I doubt the home environment is safe

NO!

That age is puberty or beyond, a male friend of mine told me he first had 'proper' sex at eleven! With a 12 or 13 year old girl.

Classy

This is a good response to send the clueless idiot of a mother

Dear xx

Dd will not be coming to the sleepover because I don't fancy becoming a grandmother in 9 m9nths time aged 40. I'd suggest you follow my lead and not allow mixed sleepovers unless you don't mind your dd getting pregnant at 14 and ruining her entire life.

She's a selfish cow that sees the sleepover as an opportunity to go and shag her boyfriend for the night as her dd won't be alone in the house. Her enjoyment trumps the safety of her dd and the other kids that are staying over. I'd reply, including everyone else in the group, that it's not acceptable and my dd will no longer be staying over.

I admit I hadn't noticed that BUT maybe she's not in the uk??

Firm no.
The sleepover is cancelled on two fronts.
Firstly, DD did not confirm the presence of 2 boys. I doubt she was unaware.
Secondly, no adult supervision (with or without the boys) - what’s the deal if there’s a fire? A burglary?
Absolutely never.

Whoa! Terrible

Forget the unplanned pregnancy possibility, what about just leaving these kids unsupervised and the risk of accident, fire etc? I don’t even think that’s a legal thing to do so I wouldn’t even be thinking about whether morally it’s right or wrong.

My response would be;

Hiya. What adult would be supervising please and will the children be sleeping in separate rooms as I was’t aware it was a mixed sex sleepover? Thank you.

Absolutely not

After what happened at unsupervised mixed sleepovers when I was 13 I would not be condoning it. Drugs in one room, alcohol flowing frequently and people copping off with each other. Not something I want for my own kid.

Why didn't your dd tell you there would be 2 boys sleeping over? Are they your dd and friends boyfriends? Staying out to 'give them more space' sounds almost like the mother is giving them privacy to hook up. All very odd and no way my dd would be going

Absolutely not! My DS is a similar age and all his friendship group are girls. He's aware that sleepovers just won't be a thing for him as his friends are the opposite sex. I wouldn't put him, or his friends, in that position, even if supervised.

Thirteen is too young for an unsupervised sleepover even if they were all same sex. This parent's boundaries are way too lax for me.

Then why wouldn't you check what someone was like before leaving a small child in their care?

OP could be in Australia so the timing isn’t necessarily out, but weird “she” hasn’t come back.

Anyway, no sane mother would allow a mixed sex sleepover with no supervision.

@Platypusdiver your post should have said “Dd was ment to be going to a sleepover “

You are all mad tbh. Even you for still
contemplating it .
You can’t trust your Dd to be up front with you .
You can’t trust the other parent and even your own dh is blind .
Madness