Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

A lot of people going to hospital after tests for cancer are told to 'bring someone with them'. It's awful news anyway even worse to get alone, holding a nurse's hand is hardly a substitute. I wouldn't fancy driving home alone after hearing that news. It mightn't even be safe. At least he cares about his wife.

As a GP my observation over the years is that people vary hugely in this area. Some people will come alone even if they're really incapacitated, or to hear worrying test results. Other people will never attend alone, (people who are neurotypical with no mental health problems) even for problems like an ingrowing toe nail or to get some eczema cream.

I have to say, I find it strange when husband and wife both attend for just one of them, and bring their young children who disrupt the consultation, charging around and clambering over the patient. I never understand why the "well" parent doesn't stay in the waiting room with the kids.

But each to their own!

who are you to judge what other people need?

weird and judgy thing to muse about.

I don’t know but I’m waiting with bated breath to hear the other nine Commandments.

I don't, I go on my own.
DH on tge other hand needs me to take him. To drive there, and back. To push him in a wheelchair to the depts. To listen to what doc says as DH won't remember by the time we get home. My colleagues have to suck it up if I need a morning, afternoon or day off for it.

And if someone gets bad news, it’s not exactly ideal for them to have to drive home alone.

Because it impacts on other people. If a spouse takes time off to accompany their dw/dh for a hospital appointment then treatment and follow up appointments, someone will be having to cover for them.

Yes yes take someone with you if anxious, get picked up if you've had eye treatment or sedation but someone taking leave from work is rarely necessary.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I had an appointment where I was told to bring someone with me to help me make treatment choices. This did scare me, but it turned out to not be the cancer I had feared and it was just discussing prophylactic surgery.

As others have said sedation/eye drops/bad news/procedures you can't drive after/cognition problems/medical phobias/health anxiety/mobility issues/hearing issues/just a second pair of ears to take info on board are all valid reasons.

So nobody in that organisation can ever go on holiday?

I always volunteer to accompany anyone I know going into hospital, in case they have no one to support them, especially if those around them think they don't need it (like the OP).

Going to hospital is frightening and it is always nice to have a hand to hold. If I ever had to go into hospital, I would appreciate those around me asking if I needed support. That's what life is about supporting other people, even if it just asking a stranger, 'Are you OK?'

It depends what the appointment is for. If it includes any treatment some hospitals insists someone is there to me take you home.
If it is for test results they often advise someone attends with you as often it's helpful to have someone else to remember what was said if you feel too overwhelmed

Yes holidays and sick leave are all perfectly acceptable and accommodated for in any organisation. A spouse requesting leave to take someone to an opa not so much.

You don't want to be alone to hear a diagnosis, that much I do know.

I was sent by the GP and ended up being admitted. That was awful alone. When I went back for test results I took someone. I'd have grabbed a stranger off the street if I had to!

If an organisation can’t cope with someone being absent for a short period of time, it is not very well run. How would it cope with sickness/annual leave etc?

God, I wouldn't want to work for you. We allow time off for all such events, family comes first for us, after the company.

Imagine if you fell, and everyone continued to walk past thinking, 'she can get up by herself'... What a terrible World that would be.

If everyone wanted to pop to their hospital for someone else's opa yes it would all go pear shaped very quickly. Luckily, most people know it is something you only do if off.

Thankfully in all the organisations I’ve ever worked for they’ve realised that people’s family lives are important and have always been flexible in these sorts of circumstances when possible. Accommodating things like this makes for happier employees and lower staff turnover, in my experience.

It’s something that you probably shouldn’t question. If it’s very often and the time either isn’t made up or it’s impacting other people, perhaps his manager would need to have a chat with him and see what can be done to help the situation.

I have taken my mum to loads of appointments. There is sod all parking at the hospital and if she can’t get close to the door, she just physically won’t be able to get to the appointment - a combination of cancer causing extreme tiredness/physical issues and also a wish not to hear what the consultant has to say, fear of the treatment etc (she would sooner skip the appointment). You can’t even get a disabled space, and the council probably wouldn’t let her have a badge anyway. I helped her choose all her treatment because she was afraid and would have chosen nothing. Public transport would be a complete joke. Too much time on her feet, unreliable and slow. My DSF actually stopped going to his hospital appointments a few months before he died because the process of going to hospital and waiting for the appointment for 3 hours was just too problematic. He actually had no fear of any procedures/appointments, the problem was literally that getting there had been made so fantastically difficult and then the wait was enough to (frankly) cause him to shit himself. not quick to toilet obv.

Sometimes, some little quick procedures can make people feel shaky and stop them from driving. There can be so many reasons.

I don't need anyone but I have 2 family members who do due to anxiety. When my nan was suffering with cancer she also needed someone with her as she struggled understanding and processing the info and also needed emotional support. It was probably it being so emotive that led to her having difficulty processing.

I don't have anyone who could take me to an appointment. My kids are young, I'm single, my parents live a couple of hours away, my brother's dead. I have friends nearby but I would only ever ask them for something like that if it was an actual emergency. Until my DC are older (and assuming they stay living fairly locally) this is not going to change. Luckily I prefer my independence and the thought of having someone "take" me anywhere makes me feel about 90.

Well, it depends entirely on the nature of the appointment.

Over the last 5 years, I’ve had maybe 3 hospital appointments. 2 were for gynaecological scans so I drove myself. One was to the ophthalmology clinic where my pupils would be dilated, so my husband drove me as I was told I could I couldn’t drive afterwards.

My MiL has been having immunotherapy for the last 2 years. She drives herself to treatment but I go with her to see the consultant. She’s really quite deaf and the consultant has a strong Indian accent, so it helps to have me there.

When I was having a breast biopsy, definitely. On number 7squullion growth scan with ds, no.

If you dont know what the appointment is for you have no idea whether they need someone with them or not. Often if it involves test results another person is recommended to go along. If its a procedure that involves pain or side effects its essential. If its delivering bad news, if its fertility related then you would want your partner/ family / friend there
You do things your way and let them do things their way. One thing I have realised now I've hit 40 is that there is no way I will prioritise work / worry about what colleagues think of the health or wellbeing of myself or loved ones.