Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

I usually go alone but dh came when we thought I had breast cancer. I took my df to one of his cancer appointments - he can’t drive due to the brain tumour and dm had a broken foot. I don’t really understand why you can’t seen that circumstances vary.

IVF - partner often comes
bad news expected - partner often comes
procedure may happen (eg biopsy or eye drops etc) partner often comes
can’t drive - partner comes
anxious person - partner comes
partner wanting to be supportive

Yes I do. Severely phobic of leaving the house so arrange any appointments when DH can support me.

Oh come on OP I get that you have never required it for yourself but surely it doesn’t take that much empathy to think of one or two (or 10) reasons why someone might need either physical or emotional support?

Yes, and I said that....

So then what point were you trying to make with your post? It's really not clear.

DH had lots of appointments. I only go if it’s something to do with his eyes or sometimes he’s had heart appointment where he’s not allowed to drive afterwards. I don’t go in though, only once when he was on a lot of meds for something and he wasn’t to be trusted to say what he should .

Yanbu iv been going to hospital alone or by hospital transport since being 16 i never understand the whole bring your family with you. I mean do you take your whole family to the dentist, hairdressers or for your smear or do you just put your grown up pants on and get on with it. It's like when your sat in a&e and you have people with their whole families taking up the seats. I preferred it during covid when their where restrictions on family members

Exactly
very odd thread

and I’m guessing the op has squat all info re why the colleagues wife has a hospital appointment

Only for prearranged appointments where I won't be safe to make my own way home, e.g. aneasthetic. And once for a potentially life changing diagnosis, I wanted someone there to help ask questions/ take notes (thankfully I'm fine now).

I wasn't making a point? Does everything need a point or can it just be musings about differences?

In which case I would think you'd have more empathy..

The OP is not talking about whole families though, is she? She just can't seem to understand why some people would require having another person with them. It is not difficult to try to think of reasons why, I would have thought.

Depends if advised not to drive or incapacitated. Dh has had eye and leg appointments, me issues with shoulder for example. Having a second pair of ears is often helpful too.

I went alone today , not my choice but my husband was unable to come , quite scary as I could have been given bad news .
I was the only one on my own, everyone had someone with them, the letter did say you could bring a friend or relative.
It was a huge women's health clinic and around 50 couples were all dotted around the room and there was me all alone.

It depends which clinic it is. I go to the eye outpatient clinic and most people come with a companion. I imagine a significant number of them are visually impaired and actively need help. Even for those that don't, often the consultants put in dilating eyedrops and you're not allowed to drive home afterwards. So depending on where they live they may need a lift home afterwards. Luckily I'm on a direct bus route and can see well enough to make my own way.

I certainly would rather go with my mum, and she with me. Hospitals etc are quite anxiety inducing for many people. I'd definitely try and go with someone close to me if they asked.

Though I wouldn't lose my job over accompanying people I knew would in fact be alright once they got there.

If this bloke says his wife needs him there then if I was his employer I'd believe him. Unless he's suspected of sending her there alone while he sneaks off to strip clubs and casinos when he should be at work?

A friend of mine is having an invasive cancer treated. I've gone along to oncologist appointments with her to take notes because the whole thing is scary & overwhelming for her, and she finds it difficult to remember the details of how the treatment is progressing & what the next steps will be.

I have regular appointments at hospital and always go alone but I am fairly young and able bodied. I can walk from really far away in the car park and through the long confusing hospital corridors.
The parking does add an extra element of stress at many hospitals. Someone can drop you near the door etc. Also some people need emotional support. Absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Hospitals are intimating and scary places for many people.

My DH now accompanies me to my hospital appointments because my consultant is a rude arsehole who will talk over me and treats me like an idiot but is as nice as pie when DH comes with me.

I accompany my sister or her partner comes with her because she has a fear of hospitals and prefers someone with her for moral support.

I also go to all my mum's BC hospital appointments because she also has dementia and obviously needs support.

Lots of reasons people require someone with them.

I had an in-patient hysteroscopy.
Simple day case thing but would take most of a day from start to finish.

i sat in the waiting room early in the morning with the other women on the list. None were elderly. Everyone had someone with them apart from me and I wondered what I was missing!. I’d told my DP not to come as it would be a waste of his time.

much concern in the waiting room when it became clear that none of the people accompanying the actual patients could come into the ward. One woman kicked off, yelling and shouting that she needed her husband with her. The hospital staff stuck to their guns for a bit - saying it was a women’s gynae ward - but eventually gave in.

In retrospect I should have complained. Had to walk to the toilet, for example, in one of those revealing hospital gowns, with the accompanying husband lolling about on his wife’s hospital bed, curtains open, drinking from a 1.5 litre bottle of Fanta, with his belly hanging out of his T-shirt.

Similar. DH is currently under investigation /treatment for an eye condition. If they dilate his pupils for a scan, he can’t drive home and the hospital is a significant distance down the motorway. It’s quite a complicated issue and the consultant, while very good, is under time pressure so there’s usually a very rapid exchange of information, so a second pair of ears is useful. But other scans and appointments he doesn’t need me there.

It may not have been your intention OP but I’m afraid your first post rather came across as: “my family and I are terribly independent, why on earth cant’t my colleague’s wife/my friend’s mum get themselves to appointments without any help”

If you were really just musing then the answers are:

People are different
Some people physically need help
Some people emotionally need help
Some appointments will have consequences for both partners and they want to be there to hear the outcome directly from the medical professional concerned.

When I go in for my infusions my OH needs to drive me home, as I’m told not to drive and generally too bloody shattered after a day being pumped full of god knows what.

That's harsh. It's fine for OP to ask the question. I thought that's what MN was for.

What an unpleasant post.