Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

Depends on what the appointment is for.

Ex came to some (not all) of my ante-natal appointments. He was excited about seeing the baby scans and wanted re-assurance that everything was ok.

I had some eye tests in hospital one time. I was told someone would need to accompany me because the appointment involved putting a solution in my eye and it wouldn't be safe to drive home afterwards - the solution might affect my vision. Way too far to get a taxi. It's not always about support - sometimes there are practical considerations.

I went with my friend when the hospital called her back for further tests after a routine breast check appointment. She didn't ask me, but I volunteered. It might have been bad news and I figured she'd appreciate the company. And if it was bad news, the shock might have meant that she didn't take in everything they told her.

Depends what it’s for. I get my eyes checked and they put those drops in that makes your pupils dilate and very sensitive to light. They prefer that you don’t drive (though could take public transport). So appointments where you shouldn’t drive.
Then there’s appointments where you may need moral support.
Or appointments where you feel you might not understand or remember to ask certain questions.
But mostly I think it’s moral support. Many people don’t like hospitals. They are big, they are confusing, and the wait may be long. People are nervous and having someone there just helps.

You should try to attend any important consultant appointments with your parents if they are elderly o much information is lost in translation. They hear and remember bits and fill in the blanks. I appreciate its difficult but it saves time in the end as you know what they have been told

My nan was late 70s when she was diagnosed with cancer. She hadnt told anyone and just went with whatever the doctors were telling her. When it got to a point where she needed to go to 'the city' for treatment my mum went along obviously. The doctors/specialist there were absolutely horrified at how little had been done and the time allowed to pass. It still stings that we may have been able to have her a lot longer if we'd been there to push and advocate for her, she just wasn't raised to question those in 'authority'

Medical appointments can be quite overwhelming, especially if you have been having serious investigations. The hospital often recommends you take someone with you, if they have to give bad news then you have support.

There could be any number of reasons from her not driving, to wanting someone there for serious consultations or simply just for moral support. Taking your wife or husband to a hospital appointment is fair enough and shouldn't be questioned

I usually need taking depending if it's my local hospital in my town or the one in the city. The one in my town is fine, but the one in the city it's almost impossible to park. Ive missed so many appointments because I get there an hour early and spend that hour driving round the car park to still end up with no space. If I want to actually attend my appointment, I won't go on my own

Depends on the appointment, GP’s and hospitals often suggest taking someone along - two people remembering the info given is often a good thing

Yes. The last time I had a uterine check-up, the consultant seemed concerned that I was on my own. (I hadn't realised that I was getting yet another biopsy. I thought that it was just going to be question of "You're happy to stay on the HRT?")

I told him I'd be fine - would have a cup of tea if I felt a bit wobbly and would then drive home. (I'd had worse in the past, though I could have done with having someone with me.)

I found this week much harder - had to go to a strange hospital for a breast clinic and was worried about the outcome. I did feel jealous of the women who were accompanied by their husbands or other family members.

I took a bus and taxi in this time, but was happy enough to walk a few miles back to the bus station once I got good news.

So you understand why people want other people with them for their appointments. But for Covid, you’d have been there when your husband had an appointment to be told he had advanced cancer.

Regarding the toothache, if the dentist is going to have to remove the tooth (if it cannot be saved), it may need to be done under sedation or anesthesia. There’s no way the person can drive themselves home after that. The sane got the husband taking the wife - it might be for something that has to be done under sedation.

Quite a few people take someone with them, and I'm surprised that you can't see why that might be.

I don't, no. My partner does though and I am given quite a few paid days off a year to take him to them. He's unable to get to the hospital and cannot remember the answer to any of the neurologist's questions alone (or indeed, often that he HAS a neurologist). Didn't happen until recently, so my many days off caused the occasional raised eyebrow amongst my colleagues until I felt obliged to explain the realities of his new disability. It happens. I work full time and am young; people are frequently oddly surprised that my partner needs a lot of support in some areas. Nothing wrong with needing a bit of help and support at times and none of anyone else's business.

I always take someone with me for important appointments (seeing consultants, clinicians ect) where information will be given or I will get a chance to ask questions. I get them to take notes so I can concentrate on the conversation plus they can chip in if they feel I have missed something or something needs clarifying.
In addition some appointments may need moral support because they involve a procedure. Or maybe they are in place where using public transport is a pain (I do not drive).
But for routine appointments (x-rays, blood tests etc) no, I would go on my own.

It entirely depends on what the appointment is. If it's a clinic sort of appointment, then you should be able to get there & back on your jack todd, assuming no disability etc. However, if it's an appointment where the patient is going to be sedated or even put under, the hospital won't let you go home unless someone is there to take you home & watch over you.

I have a lot of experience of this. I don't drive (eyesight) & have had to rely on my daughter quite a bit for just this sort of thing in the last twelve months. For example, on Tuesday, I'm off to a hospital a good two hours away. I'm taking the train there & back because it's pre op. The week after, I get the actual op, which might be day surgery or it might involve staying in hospital for a night or two. I will go up the day before & stay in a hotel but then I will have to rely on my daughter to get me home because I won't have any real choice. I hate doing it & I very much hope that we are all given a break after all this!

Depends on the appointment - I wanted DH with me when I had a really unpleasant endoscopy done, even though I drove us there and back, because he can’t drive. I needed the moral support and it was awful even with him there, partly because they wouldn’t let him come into the endoscopy room. Rveryone is different. My mum,, who is in her mid 90s, is very independent and books herself a taxi to go up to the hospital for various appointments, but I must admit, when I find out afterwards that she’s done that, I wish that I’d been there with her. I like taking my husband to his dentist appointments, which sounds really weird, but a different town and you never know what it’s going to happen in these appointments, you might feel a bit weird afterwards and it’s nice to have a pal with you.

If the appointment states that I cannot drive afterwards then, yes, I will ask someone to take me. It's £94 for a taxi there and back or else it's a 3 mile drive to the nearest bus stop and then 3 buses ( amounting to a 2.5 hour 1 way journey),to get there. I will always drive DP to his appointments as he is partially deaf and struggles to understand what's said to him sometimes.

People often can't park at hospitals or can't drive afterwards so need someone to drive them. They may need someone to listen and remember what was said as they can't take it all in due to the stress. Any of us who haven't need another person to accompany us to hospital are very lucky but that doesnt mean it's unreasonable for others to. People with ongoing health issues may just need support at a difficult time. My sister didn't accompany my brother-in-law to a doctor's appointment as they didn't really imagine it would be anything serious but he was told he had prostate cancer in his 40s. Better to err on the side of caution I reckon.

There are some occasions where it's necessary but as a general rule I cannot understand why an adult can't manage themselves. Of course it's different if they have dementia, or disability. Similarly if it is serious illness and they need to take in a lot of information then that's understandable, or if getting a sedative. If parking is an issue then a lift is great but I would expect the person to be dropped off an collected unless it's one of the above exceptions. I wouldn't judge unless I know the circumstances, but if someone needs a companion simply because they are too co dependent to do anything alone then yes i would lose respect for them. As for the people who need an entourage, well I think they are just ridiculous.

It depends. If it was an appointment to discuss the biopsy result from a breast lump, yeah I’d want my husband there. If I was going for a procedure which might leave me a bit woozy afterwards, ditto.

I took my parents to the majority of their appointments once my dad had to stop driving. They were in their 80s at this point and both had a few different health issues.

For a routine health check I would mostly drive myself, although I quite often take a taxi to an appointment if I don’t feel like driving but don’t feel I need my DH with me. I’m not particularly keen on driving and getting an Uber is easy where I live.

I Recently had treatment for breast cancer and had a mixture of driving myself, getting an uber and DH taking me.

I've never thought to ask anyone to attend hospital appointments with me. Exdp attended some scans when I was pregnant but not all.

Thankfully, I've never had any serious or life threatening condition, that would be very different.

It depends. Usually no, I don’t. However I did for a while when blood tests kept making me pass out and I needed to be driven home.

I’ve also had to be taken when I’m due to be drugged or sedated in some way where they won’t let me leave alone after and I’ve had to pick up DH for the same reason.

Finally, there have been times when emotional support is needed. When I went to find out if I had cancer (I didn’t thankfully) and when I had to confront a phobia to do a test.

I remember having a biopsy under mammogram during lockdown. Me and another lady sitting with a distance between us and she was crying. She said my husband assures me I'll be okay. She needed someone with her. It would have been easier if her DH could have been in the waiting room

It was a very unpleasant procedure and I would have liked someone in the waiting room. DH had to park up the road as no parking on site. I've often wondered how she got on and if she was okay

Sometimes you just need someone with you

As for the entourage, if DH or I or DBIL need to take DFIL to a medical appointment (he is 88 and has hearing loss) then we also have to take DMIL as she has Alzheimer’s and can’t be left alone. Until recently, if DS and DD were also there, they would need to come too as too young to be left home alone, especially in DPIL’s rural home. So we were an entourage but I would hope anyone looking on could guess that it was out of necessity rather than a fun family outing!
However it seems there are always a few who love to judge (DM is « great » at this.)

I took my late dh to his cancer appointment where he found out he was stage 4 with weeks to live.

silly me. Should have let him go and find out he was dying by himself.

i never judge why people need to take others to hospital appointments, if I had someone to go with me to mine I’d bite their hands off. I have no one for support like that. So I always go alone. It’s crap.