Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

Everyone's different. Some like to have someone there, others (I'm one of these) would rather be left alone to get on with it - I struggle to make conversation when nervous, so I really am better just being on my own, as having someone just gives me something else to worry about.

There are other appointments that perhaps you wouldn't be okay to drive after, perhaps after sedation or similar. Also if it's an appointment where you might receive big news it's always good to have someone else drive you as you may not be safe enough to drive yourself after that.

Also if parking is an issue like it is at many hospitals, it can be good to have someone simply to drop you off so you don't have to worry about parking.

Basically ... don't judge!

The younger me would think go alone. The older me thinks, having lost dearly loved family members, go with.
I accompanied one of my parents to every hospital appointment, taking annual leave from work to do so, it is something I will never regret.

The 30 to maRried son had severe toothache - he may have been in too much pain to drive or might have needed an injection that mage him not safe to drive. His wife might have been busy and unable to change her plans and the mum felt able. Or he hates dentists. Or he didn’t want or wasn’t able to afford a taxi. Or parking is a nightmare. Or he just prefers company in a stressful situation and gets on with his mum. Or he finds medical people difficult to talk to due to ND or whatever. Lots of reasons.

This. I had to have drops iny eyes and was warned I couldn't drive and I'd need someone with me. DH dropped me off we t for a coffee then came to find me afterwards.

In my experience it is not unusual for the hospital to specify that they will only let someone leave after an appointment of they have a companion. Obviously it depends on the procedure they are having, but patients dying on the way home or shortly after getting home is a bad look.

I’ll go to routine appointments on my own happily but ones where it may not be good news I take my husband. When you’ve received bad news your mind goes blank and you forget things and having someone to remember what was said is very helpful.

What someone uses annual leave for is nobody else's business.

I agree....my goodness the judginess on this thread.....and if they can get it, why not carer's leave, unpaid leave or whatever?

I’m single and have taken myself to every hospital appointment I’ve had. On three occasions I had to organise a friend to stay overnight with me after a GA. However the rest of the time I’ve just got on with it. It’s what you do if you have no choice.

DH often takes me to appointments, partly because I don't drive and he works at the hospital, but also because they're generally about cancer and it's better all round if a second person is there to hear everything first hand. I sometimes go to his if he's getting an important diagnosis. I remember the first time he had cancer, I didn't go with him as we thought it was a routine appointment. I felt awful afterwards that he was alone the first time either of us got told those horrible words. Now we make the effort to support each other when we can. My point being, you have no idea what other people might have been through and why they might need someone with them more than you would.

Well put. Completely agree.

Absolutely. I've never needed someone to accompany me for my appointments but I attend almost all of my grandma's, I used half a days leave and it's nobody's business. She's perfectly able to go alone but sometimes struggles to remember everything the doctor has said, so she likes to have someone with her to jot down the important details.

I've also had to go with my partner to a few of his, to drive him home after general anaesthetic. Yes he could get a taxi home but it's not a race to the bottom, if you have someone willing to help then what's the harm.

A friend of mine missed his/his wife's 20 week baby scan. Got there an hour early but still couldn't get a parking space in time so she had to go in alone. By the time she came out he was still in the queue for one of the hospital car parks. Can totally understand why you have someone drop you off and pick you up if parking is a nightmare.

I have to be taken for a procedure on Friday as I have been told I can’t drive afterwards. That’s quite normal isn’t it? I mean I could get a cab, but DH is free so why not? Anything involving the eyes, anything where you might need 2 pairs of ears or some support (potentially bad news, complex information) etc.

I once had to have minor surgery which I was awake for. I could have in theory got up there (which I had to) myself and come home myself. However I really didn't fancy the waiting around or the journey home after as I'd have to do it on public transport. (Which takes roughly an hour) I asked my dad if he could meet me at the hospital. I don't usually have issues with that journey but it was late and I was so tired

My mum usually attends with me. Partly because I'm undergoing a lot of tests and I'm also finding I can't remember a word the consultant has said. It has also meant mum can fill the consultant in on family history and my own medical history that I was too young to remember. I also have a pain killing injection and walking after (it's in the back of my head) can be somewhat challenging

Depends on the type of appointment? Regular doctor/dentist then no, hospital appointments, appointments where someone might receive unpleasant news, or not be able to drive due to treatments etc.then yes. Sometimes when it comes to elderly parents it is best for an adult child to go with them to advocate for them if necessary.

I have cancer and can’t drive due to my medication, my husband will come to
outpatient appointments with me and will drop/collect me for other appointments. If he didn’t it would cost me hundreds in taxi fairs a month

My husband and I take one another as parking is horrendous and if you can't get a space you can chuck one another out at the door and then catch them up. Same reason we both take our child when we can.

I never have but it dawned on me how self sufficient I am and I really should seek out more support

I hope you aren't my DH's colleague. He's just asked for the day off as I have an appointment next week. The cheek of him, wanting to be there while I undergo cancer treatment.

I think the question isn't should you take one person with you, the answer obviously is yes for company and in cases like yours out of necessity. Rather, should people take time off work and imo no. Take someone else with you who is free.

Not everyone who needs someone with them has someone ‘free’.
Im fortunate that I only work half time, so can juggle my work hours if necessary. But last Friday, DH had an appointment in London so of course I took a days holiday and we made a long weekend of it. Why on earth do you have an opinion on what other people ‘should’ take time off work for?

Why should someone not take time off work for it?

Sorry but I think you're wrong. My best friend is free a lot of the time, but I didn't want her with me when I was getting my cancer diagnosis. I wanted my husband. It was absolutely right and proper that he took time off work to go with me.

Many of us have sadly undergone cancer treatment. I've had a friend come with me, a sibling, a parent. Yes dh if off but if not then no, he's never asked for time off to accompany me nor would I expect him to.

To get results from biopsies and scans - a friend took me because DH was at work. To have my preop (ecg etc - I went on my own there and back by bus). DH came to a hospital appointment with me when I was expecting things to be very routine but they called him to discuss the results afterwards and I knew at that point that things were bad.