Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

prefer doing that stuff alone. Operations I'll get dropped off and picked up. Test results, id rather be able to process any bad news on my own first. I can't stand having to consider other people's emotions at a tricky point.

Husband does all the diabetic tests by himself and gets a taxi if they've done the eye thing and I'm at work

Everyone is different though. Some need more moral support than others and that's alright.

Re the toothache - if he's left it to get severe he may have a phobia of dentists. Or require treatment that will leave him woozy.

Perhaps the 30 old son with toothache was in too much pain to drive. If they needed an extraction they might not feel safe driving with a bleeding mouth or want to get public transport in that situation. Or like someone else said public transport can be unreliable so may want to make sure you get there on time. Happened to me. My bus never turned up so had to ring my mother to take me to the dentist. If I missed my appointment I would have been charged.

My husband comes with me to some appointments, i have a deteriorating condition that will put me in a wheelchair so its important he knows what hes in for! But not “normal” appointments like the dentist or gynae or whatever.
why is it a problem for you?

You don't know what he is even taking her in for. My DB is taking our mother soon because hospital insisted they will not do the procedure unless someone is with her or she stays.

Driving in pain or running around buses in pain is PITA.

And some people simply just need a support.

It's not some rocket science

I'm so sorry about the diagnosis.

My OH has to take time off work for my appointments, but it's actually so she can have the kids while I go to the appointment, we have no other childcare options.

No, I go alone. I’ve also gone and had procedures alone. I am usually the only person alone in most waiting rooms though. I find most people have someone with them.

Normally I don't but I've never had any appointment that would check for serious illness. I think I would prefer my partner to be there in case there was some serious threat to my life/health. I would probably go into 'ok let's leave' mode and he would keep on asking questions and insisting on getting answers.

You kind of were.
"It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me" has a tone of believing it's unnecessary to have someone accompany you to hospital.

I am as independent as they come but can understand why people want or need someone with them and (maybe because I am very capable) often am asked to provide support.

My 81 year old mother is recovering from a head and neck cancer. She has to see the surgeon every 6 weeks for a year. I go with her to those appointments as she is quite deaf and the surgeon is Italian, speaks very quickly and wears a mask so mum cant always tell what she is saying and i can repeat questions and remember what she says and tell mum afterwards if she hasnt understood. She goes alone to speech and language, dietician and audiology appointments. I also went to the appointments where she got results for the same reasons and because I wanted to support her. When I was being treated on the 2 week pathway and subsequent surgery for breast lump I went alone, mainly because it was during covid but it was absolutely fine and actually meant I could concentrate on the next steps for me and not have to worry about the peson next to me being upset etc

I certainly don’t need taking to appointments physically but I took my mum to every medical appointment she ever had for the last 20 years of her life, and I took my mother in law to a lot of appointments too. I think it depends on the type of appointment and when I was expecting a cancer diagnosis I think I would have been foolish to have gone alone. My husband came to every appointment during the first two years of my diagnosis and treatment and it was a great support to have him there. When you’re being told really bad news about your health and the details of complicated treatment plans, it can be hard to take everything in. I’ve been to A&E a couple of times recently and whilst I preferred waiting on my own so I didn’t have to worry about my husband getting irritated by the wait, I absolutely expected him to pick me up at 3 in the morning, and I would obviously do the same for him. However, I don’t expect, and don’t want, anyone to come to a more routine type of appointment with me, but recognise that other people might appreciate the support.

I did when I went for my eye as I couldn't see properly to drive home, I didn't fancy waiting hours until the drops wore off, though I could have got the bus. I also did when I had a large basal cell carcinoma excised from my leg as I was advised not to drive home. DH went shopping while I was having my leg done

I prefer to go to my appointments alone so I do and I'm nearly always the one there by themselves. I can understand why someone may physically or emotionally need someone with them of course but I do find bringing anymore than that tiresome, they take up lots of space for people that need it instead and make the waiting rooms overly stuffy and claustrophobic.
I've had to give the receptionist my number and tell them I'll be outside waiting in the fresh air before, sometimes it's too much.

This is exactly how I am.

I definitely have to take my child to hospital appointments, but is a kid. Depends on the location of the hospital, the appointment, some like eyes drops, quimotherapy, small ops, miscarriage, etc, you won't be fit to drive even if they have a license after the appointment. Also, some people is better with support, hearing imparing, visual impairment, mindset, accents etc. Some people don't drive. There is a long list of justifiable reasons why people can't do them on their own.
There will be always someone taking the piss, but mostly I think most are reasonable to be with someone.
TBF I mostly see couples in the hospital, I barely see an alone person on their own.

My kids and I have several debilitating invisible illnesses. You’d be amazed how different the outcome of appointments is when we take my 6’3” husband along versus me going alone…

Ps you can refuse an ambulance. I did, which was very unwise. My dm was with me and teenage me comprised with letting my dm friend dropping me off. I now I know that was stupid, but I was scared and believed taking an ambulance would mean I was very ill.

After being told ds2 heartbeat was no longer beating at 35weeks, I asked my then husband to attend most pregnancy related appointments from then onwards. Because it hurt so much informing people what had happened and what the next steps would be.

You can't be making more of ' A FUSS' by taking an ambulance 😂

I get lifts to the airport too, if that's ok with you?

Yes, relatives PREFER to take their partners and children to hospital than letting them book a taxi, so what.

Going to hospital for serious reasons is pretty shit, just people could do it alone, doesn't mean their relative think they should. It's called moral support and just being normal.

I'd take my friends to hospital, just for company. So what?

My DH comes to most of my hospital appointments for two reasons.

So that he can ask any questions that may not occur to me and would like to know the answers to.

An extra pair of ears, as they're always handy when being given a diagnosis and treatment plan just incase I go blank.

Youre always better to bring someone to health check ups imo. I was offered an early scan when I was pregnant. My husband was finding it hard to get the day off so I almost went alone. Someone swapped shifts with him last minute. I Found out my baby had a serious medical issue and needed surgery biggest shock of my life. My dad went for a routine check on what looked like a skin tag. He found out it was cancer. He was alone because he expected it to be nothing!

I haven't needed any hospital appointments for 11 years but last time I went I was accompanied by a baby and a toddler. Dh has come to some appointments with me and I have come to some appointments with him. We went through a stage when dh would often take me because the buses were so unreliable and I kept missing appointments.

I think if you want someone to come with you then you should be able to have that. There were times during lockdown when people had to go to appointments and a and e on their own and that was horrible.

My elder Son accompanies me but only if I need driving there and back because of anaesthetic etc, every other instance, I go under my own steam. My younger son doesn’t drive so, if he needs to go to see his consultant, I take him ( it’s 150 miles away and no direct train) but he goes into the consults on his own.

My DH doesn’t come to medical appointments with me - I’m used to going alone and he’s a bit of a panicker whereas I’d rather not think about the worst.

I hate the dentist though so we go together with our appointments at the same time. He might not technically “take me” but I wouldn’t go without him there!