Do you need "taking" to hospital appointments?

[Cliftrip]

Just a couple of things that have cropped up recently and a conversation with a friend.

A man at work "needs" time off to take his wife to a hospital appointment. I don't know what it's for and neither should I, perhaps it's something she needs emotional support with.

My parents are becoming a worry and probably should have support but wouldn't dream of letting me (or a DGS) take them to an appointment.

A friend's younger and fitter mother won't ever go to any medical appointment alone, so friend has to take her.

Another friend recently changed our plans to take her (married 30yo) son to an appointment about his severe toothache.

It's never occurred to me to ask anyone to come with me, last time I called 111 for advice they sent an ambulance and I got a taxi back from A&E in the early hours. I'm not saying that's the right thing BTW, I didn't want the fuss letting anyone know would have caused.

I am having problems with my eye sight my son comes with me as I have eye drops at the hospital they last 6 hours so I need someone to help me to get home .

When you were getting your disgnosis? Fine. You just said he is also taking time off when you get treatment and imo that is not necessary. Lots of other people can accompany surely.

I think it's odd unless there's something going on that you don't know about but there could be something going on and it's none of your business.

Silly question IMO.

Some appointments, yes, I need taking to colonoscopy for e.g. due to sedation.
Others, no, I don't, having an X ray for example.

Take time off if urgent, not for opas and treatment. People rely on others at work there is no need for people to take time off just to wait in an opd.

Honestly, sometimes patients don’t take things in and it helps to have someone there who will help remember what was said, recommendations, investigations, plans moving forward etc. I always go alone if I need to speak to someone, but that’s just me. I know I can advocate for myself if I need to. I’ve been a nurse in the NHS for 15 years so I I learned a long time ago how to stand my ground. There may come a time when I’m more vulnerable and will need someone there. But not yet. Horses for courses and all that

I have a colleague that has to take his wife for hospital appointments. We assumed it was because she needed support or wasn't going to be able to drive but no, it's because it involved a half mile drive along a dual carriageway and she's too scared to drive on it!

He does make the time up, but it always seems bonkers to me!

My husband has asked me to drop him off at the hospital in the past and pick him up, whereas I just drive myself. He does have anxiety around visits though.

His anxiety means I often don't actually tell him about my appointments until the day of, or even after, in some cases!

@tinyspinyI was going to say exactly the same thing about the parking. I went for a routine mammogram at the hospital. I got DH to take me as I was worried about not being able to park (due to major building works) and missing the appointment. He stayed in the car though.
Went for another routine appointment yesterday and was more stressed about finding a parking space than I was about the appointment itself. I did go by myself and was lucky to find a space but had to give myself over 1/2 hrs extra time just in case.
I think whether you need accompanying depends on what the appointment is and how long you expect to be there. Sometimes it's nice to just have company and someone to fetch refreshments or save your seat whilst you nip to the loo if it's one of those long, ever running late clinics.

I have a hearing problem and if I am expecting to have a complicated conversation with lots to remember, especially if the voice/accent might be difficult, I take someone with me. Also travel to hospitals can be almost impossible or very expensive if you don't have someone to drive you. If you attend an eye clinic and have drops you are not allowed to drive afterwards and are very light sensitive so public transport can be difficult even if it is available. I have had to drive my husband to and from day surgical procedures under general anaesthetic where he had to have someone accompanying him after discharge. I hope this helps with understanding why some people need this support.

Wow, just wow. No way do I believe you've gone through cancer treatment yourself. No way at all. Unless they removed your empathy as part of your treatment. What a callous attitude to have, and to express to someone currently going through it. Shame on you.

Just depends what it is. I think it's very caring to be accompanied, assuming the patient wants to be taken. There are all sorts of reasons why a patient may feel vulnerable, or maybe just like to go together and are able to.

On the face of it, it seems weird for a mother to take an adult son to the dentist, but you have to assume there's a reason - maybe he's phobic and his partner can't come, maybe his mum is a dentist herself .. as long as the patient is not being controlled /babied I can't see the problem.

Yes I have GAD and bipolar and as a result can no longer drive so my dad takes me.

HTH

My husband was on his own when he was told he had lung cancer too - during covid. He died a few months later.

WTAF? It’s up to MrTiddlesTheCat and husband to decide what’s right and necessary for them. It isn’t your place to decide that it isn’t necessary for her husband. Just because they decide to make different decisions from you, it doesn’t make their decision wrong. What exactly is the problem if they take annual leave/dependents leave/rearrange their shift/work in order to do so? I cannot imagine begrudging a colleague the time to take their seriously ill partner/child/parent to a medical appointment.

Yes people may need support, many do. The question is should spouses take time off work to accompany their dw/dh for opas and treatment and the answer is no, not all the time. Work will accommate it occasionally out of goodwill but that goodwill won't last if it becomes a regular thing because someone wants a bit of company and hasn't asked anyone alse.

No I don’t. I’m probably at the extreme end of the scale though - eg have to stay in hospital for recovery time rather than ask anyone to escort me home

I always go alone but this past week I have had cardiology appointments and a colposcopy and it dawned on me that almost everyone else had someone with them.

I wouldn't want anyone with me for an appointment. My husband never came with me for any scans / antenatal appointments / one of the births for our children as he was working. There was no way he could have come out of work. He is also a tremendous fusser and i can't bear that. Being on my own feels so much easier.
But that is now , and it could change if I was poorly or when I am older.
My dad goes to cancer appointments on his own at the moment. He chooses this, but I wish I could go with him. Again the logistics of taking time off work is very difficult for me.

If they are having a colonoscopy there is sedation so you can't drive, ditto a lot of eye examinations.

DD2 will sometimes accompany DD1 as one of our GP's can be rather dismissive and an advocate is always useful

DH will try and take me to most appointments even if he sits outside in the car. On a recent visit to A&E I was grateful DH came into see the consultant as I don't always take in what I am being told. Was also glad as someone had to be restrained and it all kicked off and got a bit scary. A&E - you see it all there

I used to take my DH, because
A) He wouldn't remember to tell the doctor everything (he was the "I feel fine" sort) and
B) He wouldn't remember everything the doctor told him.

I've been on both sides. Attended many a hospital appointment with my dh <if he was off>, with friends or relatives if he wasn't.

Ive also worked in an area where many a staff member would ask for a day off to take their spouse for an opa. It isn't always necessary.

Why are you bothered? You seem a bit self righteous just because you are ‘independent’. How do you know about individual circumstances? Let people do what they feel comfortable with 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’ve had some really traumatic experiences around medical situations, so generally I do ask someone to come with me because I really struggle with doctors. 9/10 I go to the dentist alone, but was glad I had someone to drive me when I had a difficult extraction.

Depends what it is.

Eye exams/operation they often want someone to drop off and pick up drops can mean driving not an option - taxi is option but older relatives often anxious enough about appointments and don't want added stress of worrying about getting back somewhere they are not familar with.

MIl and Mum both started going to spousal appointments when it became clear information wasn't being taken in - FIl doing better now has a hearing aid. Later Mum had to go as Dad was very unstable on feet and easily confused.

We both wanted DH there for baby scans - not least as we knew people who got devastating news durring them.

If it involved having blood taken, yes, I would need someone with me as I faint easily.