Best friend who ghosted me 5 years ago just got in touch….

[SeeItSayItShutIt]

And I’m not sure how to feel (have name changed)

5 years ago, my best friend for decades, just stopped returning my calls. I posted about it on here under another name because it was so out of character that at first I thought he might have died or been in hospital unconscious! We were the type of friends who spoke every week and had done for probably 25/30 years (we are in our 50s, met at university).

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up. I assumed it was something I had done (though I genuinely couldn’t figure it out) and that was that.

Im not going to lie, it has been painful missing him. I’m not on social media but we are both on LinkedIn and connected. He posts every few months. I had got over it now but always wondered what went on.

He reached out today to apologise and wants to meet. I can tell that he’s lost his job and I suspect he’s in a difficult place. The cynic in me says he’s only reaching out now because he needs something.

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

I think that by resuming contact at all, you risk feeling like you've let yourself down and allowed him to walk all over you. Think about how you'd want your child (or anyone you care about) to react if someone treated them this way.
He should have already given you a heartfelt apology before asking to resume contact.
Ignoring you is awful. Hanging up on you is despicable.

Hear him out simply through sheer curiosity as to why, that would help me find closure. But I don't think theye is ever a good reason to ghost a long standing friend, it's cruel just not knowing what has happened.

Nah I wouldn't , you don't get any closure on ghosting in my experience..you will just be frustrated.

I really want to know why he hung up on you.
Do ask.

Like PP's I would want to know why he did it before I agreed to meet.

If he comes back with a full explaination and apology then I would consider it. If its excuses and "poor me" then I wouldnt.

Someone I’d worked with got in touch after 7 years asking to meet up.
So given she hadn’t bothered to stay in touch when I left an unpleasant situation at work, I told her it was too long. I suspect she wanted/ needed some help..

My oldest friend drifted apart from me for about 3 years. She text once out of the blue to meet, I agreed. I never would have initiated it as the drift was her doing. We wnet for lunch ans mord or less have been inseperable ever since. That's about 10 years ago. She didn't really explain what happened but I know myself it was a controlling partner . When she messaged I was in a new relationship, to a man I am now married to, so I think I was perceived as less of a threat so safe to befriend. She literally had no other friends so in a way I felt sorry for her. I was guarded for a while but sometimes I do think friendship goes through stages or difficulties and perhaps you could retain a good friend if he has good intentions and u can move on. As the saying goes friends are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I hope all goes well for you, a good friend is hard to find. Although a bad friend is of no use so look after yourself whatever happens x

OP, my first thought wasn't thst he wanted money from you, but emotional support. It could be as you thought, or that only now he's going through a difficult time, the friend he thinks of is you.

I'd want to find out why I'd been ditched. I would be absolutely ruthless about ditching in return if it turns out he wants something.

Very doubtful.

he was all loved up with a new girlfriend when he ghosted the OP. It doesn't sound remotely like circumstances of a total mental breakdown.

No don't.

He put the phone down on you before ffs!

Unless it turns out he's been to prison or embroiled in an incredibly abusive relationship, I wouid hardly give him the time of day. Maybe stay 5 minutes to find out what he's got to say, but I would never let someone walk all over me.

I think its odd he's insisting you two have to meet. He can apologise or explain just as easily online, why does it have to be face to face?

I would not respond or meet up with that person.

He treated you poorly and could not be bothered to contact you for 5 years and it does not sound like he gave you a justification for disappearing from your life when he reached out.

He just sounds like he is in a bad place and is expecting you to support him....

Well he could not be bothered to be in your life for 5 years with no explanation so he does not deserve your support.

Perfect response!

He ghosted you for a reason. I wonder what has changed about you now.

I'm now 60 years old. My best friend from age 16 ghosted me too. We too spoke all the time for hours. 25 years went past until she recently, 18 months ago, got in touch completely out of the blue! We put the past behind us and she vowed never to do that again. I was thrilled to bits and bent over backwards to try and make sure it never happened again. Yup you guessed it..... 4 months ago she has gone and done it again. Hurt my feelings for the second and very last time. I put my trust in her and got badly hurt again. My husband had warned me she would do it again but I felt I had to give her a second chance or I would forever be wondering what if? She can beg me and crawl over broken glass , there will be no more third chance from me. My advice....go with your instincts.

Is he a straight guy? Perhaps he was involved with a woman who was uncomfortable with him having close female friends and he consequently cut you off? In my experience, men are often quick to do this when they become involved with a new woman and the partner doesn't want them having female friends.

If it were me it would be a definite no. He had his chance. He treated you badly, real friends don’t do that. If you want some closure then maybe go but do you really want to go over the past.

This happened to me and I met my friend . She told me the problem she had. I realised that I agreed with myself and did not regret my actions. It was a great meeting for me. Completely sorted that horrible feeling of uncertainty. I massively recommend meeting your ex friend.

I'd go to meet him out of curiosity to find out why on earth after all this time and the way he treated you he feels that it suddenly ok to try and intiate contact. You have the power now so hold onto that thought.

I was ghosted by someone a long time ago and then this year I saw their partner on Traitors! They have tried the social media thing with an Instagram account and now have a YouTube channel and I have managed to resist the temptation to post any comments, I just watch from afar

Happened to me about six years ago. A few months ago, ex-friend decided to call. I was confused and taken aback so didn't answer. Then she kept hounding me, calling and calling for weeks but never a text or voicemail. Part of me was curious because she was committed to getting in touch but honestly, I just didn't want to give her the headspace. I took the view she ended the friendship and I'd moved on, I just didn't want to reopen that door again. No idea what she wanted and whilst a little part of me remains curious, it was the right decision for me not to engage and to retain some of the control that I felt she took from me when she first disappeared.

Made me laugh!

I'd be interested to see where this goes.

I've been thinking recently of reaching out to distant friends. Nothing happened, we just drifted apart, but I'd love to see where everyone is now.

Speak to him on the phone or not at all. You know he's after something.

You make your bed and all that..