2 kids in private school, sending 3rd child to state. Thoughts please.

[ThirstyMeeples]

Hi, I’m interested in opinions please about this. I have 2 children in private secondary school and our 3rd child is approaching the end of primary state school.
With the increase in VAT, it’s just much more of a financial stretch now. We could just about afford to send DC3 but would come at a cost to lifestyle. Also DC3 is more self motivated than her siblings and is less likely to need the individual attention that the older 2 get in private school. Our local state school has its issues with behaviour but is overall pretty good and friends’ kids have done well there.
But I’m struggling with the idea of not treating them equally and it becoming a source of contention in the future.
Has anyone else done similar?
Thanks for your thoughts.

Of course u can’t treat them differently, unless you want them to suffer with mental health issues.

Im a big believer that your children all need to go to the same school unless they have special needs, or boy/girl school logistics

Take them all out, save yourself the extra money. Private school is overrated if you ask me

You think she should withdraw a child who’s in the middle of their GCSEs years?

The obvious thing to do is move them to state when there are natural breaks. So the one starting year 7 starts at state and whenever the older ones start year 12. There’s movement anyway so no upset teens and lots of others will be making the same move now as cost of living / vat increase bites.

You say you can’t go on holiday but have mentioned going on expensive trips to Costa Rica, skiing, Vietnam ?in the last year or so. 😶

Wow at some of these responses. Circumstances change, that’s life. Can’t believe that some of the pp’s are so resentful. How entitled.
(To add: my parents didn’t send me and my brother to private as they couldn’t afford it. But my youngest brother went private as they could afford it then. He also went on better holidays than we did. It never occurred to us to be resentful. - we all were loved and never felt less so because he got a ‘better’ education. Or holidays) 🙄

This is different though. If a family’s circumstances improve, it stands to reason that so does their quality of life. It’s not the same sending your youngest to private school because you can now afford it, as sending your first two but not your third.

Eh? So if finances worsen, (or fees go up beyond your finances suddenly- as in this case with the VAT increase) it’s suck it up buttercup, find the fees or your kid will hate you? Like I said originally, wow.

Do it! If it doesn’t work for her, change later. Why assume state schools are worse than private? Go child by child! People on this thread are being insane. Switch her to private at 8 or 11 if she wants. My goodness.

What does the 3rd DC prefer? No point sending them private if they want to go state with friends. However if they want to go private or leave the decision in your hands then you have to send all 3 to the same.

You have to send the third one private.

It is sad though that in this country sending your child to a state school is seen as ‘doing that’ to them ie inflicting some terrible wrong. Nice for everyone whose kids are at state schools.

Please come back when she's 23 and asks why her siblings got private education and she didn't and you tell her that it's because she was harder working. 😂

In all seriousness though, it sounds like you can't really afford 2 children in private let alone a third. I'd be looking at state options for September 2026.

You presumably knew though that 3 children makes life quite a bit more expensive than 2.

Same.

Why though? I honestly can't imagine being upset that my brother went to a private school and I didn't. Surely kids of secondary school age understand that parents' circumstances change and it may not be financially possible to send all kids private. Also, who is to say the private school is better?

if it wasnt a financial issue which school would the 3rd one go to? There is the answer

Huh? So how are you supposed to magically overcome the financial difficulties? Are parents' circumstances not allowed to change?!

You might be if your brother got better exam results and made more useful connections which enabked him to earn 5x your salary

Unless the private school is Eton the value of connections is really negligible and blaming future salary on lack of school connections is ridiculous

Well if it’s a case that you might need to sell your house or be really financially under pressure then you can’t afford it and that’s that. The circumstances have changed and you won’t be the first person that this has happened to nor the last. Do what’s in your family’s best interest. Some people are carrying on like you are planning on sending your DC3 up the chimneys as a child chimney sweep and that you are stopping the poor child’s education altogether. In saying that im in Ireland and where I live private schools genuinely aren’t a thing and the local schools are excellent so it’s easy for me to say I can’t see the fuss about private education