Hears why not to have kids past 40

[menopausepluskids]

Light hearted (not).

I`ll start by saying i adore my children love them very much they are a joy most times.
But i want a bit of a rant on why i shall tell my kids not to have kids after 40.
Im 51 i have a 3 and 6 year old and i really thought i could do this.
Love them but wish i had them younger.

My mum is to old to help with child care.
Im tired and just want to sit or potter about not have to deal with nappies and potty training.
My mother always said if you want kids have them before 35 so you have freedom back.
No i wanted to live and i did but now i want to go on holiday at my age in peace read books do paintings cant do that now.

My youngest sister has two kids that are adults now and shes living it up as i say shes just turned 40 and had amazing birthday in spain.
Yes i was jealous a bit.
I admit i did look down at her when the kids were young i looked down on a lot of younger mums and im sorry (i didnt know how hard it was).

My life is now tantrums toys schools mum mum mum crying and waking at no later than 6am every day.

My friends and my sister have the perfect lifes lay in on the week ends dont have to cook go away at the drop of a hat.
Always plaining something.
Me i have to deal with dinners bath times etc.
I asked my sister to babysit for me a few months back and she flat out said no her right followed with you didnt help me.

My husband is full on but we did agree with each other we did leave it late.
Now my friend have grown up kids and doing different things while im stuck skint and well alittle jealous.
I will be telling my kids if you want kids when your older dont have them past 40.

I sit and think fuck me im still going to be school running and still have kids at home in my 70s.
Given my time again i would not do it or at least had them in my 30s.
Mix it all up with peri menopause lovely.

This is my karma isn`t it.

Your sister saying no to babysitting resonates with me - I was the first and only of my friend and family group to have kids for a long time. Now my kids are older and I can enjoy my book peace or potter I could be the bigger person and help them when they didn’t help me but also I feel like I’ve done my time?
Maybe that makes me awful I dunno

I had my kids in my early 20s im late 30s now and couldn't think of anything worse then having a baby now im exhausted all the time

I had one in my 20s and one in my 30s. Now 41 and started perimenopause! The thought of having a baby or toddler right now scares the hell outta me! Perimenopause has been awful so I would be done for! Look into HRT to get through it if you haven't already. I hope your life pre kids was a blast!!

As my obstetrician said, 25 years ago, In an ideal world you'd have babies between 18 and 23, and my reply was "And in an ideal world, all fathers would be millionaires too".

I’m only a year older than you OP. The thought of having a 6 and a 3 year old is anathema.

Our kids are in their 20s, and we feel entirely removed from the small kids days. We’re over 50, we’ve done our time.

I'm glad I didn't spend my 20's using my energy on kids and have to wait until my 40's to spend time and energy on kid free stuff.

I know threads like this are all about venting & sharing the trials of raising children. I would love to see threads where people contribute the positive aspects. Personally despite the days where I felt at the end of my tether I absolutely loved the years my family were all together & the sheer joy of witnessing my children's accomplishments. They are adults with their own children now & I must say having the privilege of being around to share in the love of my child's child is something I'm grateful for every day.

@Fragmentedbrain - sorry, I thought I’d made it quite obvious that I was very happy with my choice, what part didn’t you understand?

i do not envy you OP!!

had mine very much before was 35 - much easier as such, stilll at a time where I will get my life back while im still fairly young

I would be telling mine -have kids age 35 or under, or do not.

It's been a pleasure to read your post 😁

I had mine at 35 and 39. Now at 47 they are 11 and 7. It's tiring yes and I absolutely wouldn't want another. But I think they are keeping me young. I'm conscious I'm not the youngest mum on the playground and perhaps not the most adventurous but we've got a good routine and my dds are happy and well rounded. I think it gets easier as they get older and you can find some kind of balance between doing kid stuff and pottering about.

So up until 45 yrs old you could have had as much fun as you wanted,eat out and travel at a drop of the hat. You sister and friends judt did it all in a different order.

All the things you are jealous about, the holidays, spontaneous trips away, an adult holiday, not having to cook, lie-ins-- did you not do those things in your 20s or 30s, when your sister or your friends had their babies?

It would have been the same situation whenever you had them.

I appreciste that having children in your late 40s will be harder physically, but I dont think much of what you said is about what age you had your children, you miss having time for yourself to do the things you actually want to do.

Im traveling now and loving it im in my 30s my son is an adult im still young and full of energy.
Still at my age im waking up to the omg what a night and doing a french exit.

Had two in my twenties, third mid forties. I don't really feeling exhausted, but he was an easy child. He was 11 when my menopause arrived, that wasn't bad either. Became a granny when he was 15. The hardest stage was GCSE and A level time he and his father clashed over revision time. Father was 68 by the time that was all over.

My back went one day nearly three years ago. Lumbar discs so now have continued pain and a walking stick plus other issues. I sometimes wonder if the third pregnancy did for my back because I was too damned old. Who knows. I wouldn't change a thing though.

Im glad i did.

We had as much kid free time as we wanted in our late 20s & 30s while raising our children also the occasional night away etc. That was the beauty of living in the same area as youngish grandparents who loved being involved.

I’m 50 and my youngest (of 4) is 11

Im also a single parent

And I work in childcare

The word “tired” just doesn’t work 🤣

36 considering a third and some of these post are making me almost cry! Realising that if I did I may not live to see my children’s children if they had children older.

please everyone just read through the replies on this thread. Each to their own, everyone is different etc. life throws different curve balls at you. Just do you.

The thought of having a baby in my 40s horrifies me. But then I had my daughter at 19 which would probably horrify a lot of people!

You seemed to be saying you were glad you could afford to give it up?

My niece is ten and her parents are mid 50s.
She’s starting to realise she has quite old parents compared to her friends and I feel really sorry for her.
All her cousins are adults and her grandparents are all mid 80s so not much fun really.
There are no other children in the family yet and she really is the only child and family get togethers.

I had my son at 23, he’s now 21 and I’m 44.

a few years back I fell pregnant at 41 - I sadly miscarried but now I’m actually so relieved as the dad wouldn’t have been in the picture and I honestly don’t know how I’d be coping - although of course I would have and would love them no matter what ❤️

Well yes but then there’s no point to a discussion forum.