Noise cancelling headphones can I refuse them

[Grk]

What's your view on noise cancelling headphones do you think they do good or bad for the child?

I've been approached by my childs teacher saying he seems to find it harder the last few weeks with the noise level in the classroom his not diagnosed autistic but is diagnosed adhd.(Possibly could be autistic also )
We've already been through this with the school in a previous year , both me and his dad didn't want to give him noise cancelling headphones for a few reasons I do believe they make him massively stand out amongst his fellow peers and also his not then getting acquainted to general levels of daily noise in life and will rely on these for the easier option.

Today however his teacher approached me saying about it again and how he knows he doesn't want us to use them but have we considered ear loops also basically an in ear headphone. I said I'd speak to his dad
Upon speaking to his dad his also still dead against it again mainly because it doesn't allow our son to get used to basic every day noise which is what we all have to live with in life . Our son is perfectly fine in the huge loud hall at lunch time so is he with daily general noises out and about on the roads. He can manage supermarkets all fine no issues. It's just the classroom with the children chatting that disturbs and frustates him mainly whilst his trying to do his work so he tells us.

I know it sounds selfish but I have to agree I don't really want him using any type of headphones and do believe he needs to adjust to noise . However because I work at the school I also see him out of the classroom so I do understand their view on this but it makes me feel super awkward if yet again I refuse to allow the teacher to put them
on him.

Ooh don't say that, you're supposed to pamper your children's every demands regardless of the long term side effects

How to tell everyone you don’t understand autism in one sentence.
It’s ok, many people don’t understand. Nothing to be ashamed of. Usually best to not make out you know what you’re talking about though, it makes you look a bit stupid.

You seem really proud of your profound ignorance. It's weird.

Sensory issues are real. I went to see The Sound of Music at the London Palladium with my kids about 15 years ago. We were right up at the top, in the gods, and it is a really tall theatre. I was fine until the last song " Climb Every Mountain", where the nuns sing in a very high pitched voice. Well, it was like someone was sticking needles into my ears. The pain was unbelievable and I could not stop it.

I have never experienced anything similar again and I don't really understand what happened, but it was real pain. And it gave me an insight into my daughter, who often complained about noise. She can't cope with sirens for example, or noisy crowds.

I had no problem letting her have ear defenders whenever she wanted them after that. She is an adult now and still uses them. And if an ambulance goes past, siren blaring, she covers her ears and is hugely distressed.

You don't adjust to the noise as far as I can see. It is a real, debilitating condition.

You obviously haven't read any of my posts.
DS does get used to some sensory things if we do it gradually and give him time.
So it's worth giving him some practice for unpredictable things.

Just reading this makes me so angry. You and your husband are beyond ableist. Your poor kid.

What's happening is DS is learning to mask, because you're making him feel like he needs to conceal himself for your comfort. It's beyond selfish.

Your son is neurodiverse - he doesn’t have the same capacity as a neurotypical person to work with background noise and you not wanting him to have noise cancelming headphones as a reasonable adjustment is just mean

If you’re ND your brain doesn’t have the filter that most humans have. You’re cruel. And sound a bit stupid, to be honest.

NT Teachers are not experts in Adhd and autism, it's true.

People with ND are experts in it, however, as we live with it every day and almost all of us, like this poor little boy, were denied the supports and adjustments we needed as children due to growing up in an ableist society.

At least these teachers are concerned for his wellbeing, which is more than can be said for his useless mother.

Her 'different ideas' are a load of ableist bollocks, as are yours, and are actively harming him. Sit this one out, sunshine, and let the experts with actual lived experience of sensory processing conditions take the reigns.

Exactly. Certain noises are the equivalent of a thousand knives in the brain, and lead to migranes, sensory overwhelm and burnout (in the long term). Being forced to mask just to keep over-emotional neutoypical parents/relatives/society happy will destroy this boy's mental health.

See the story of the autistic man who killed himself because the landlord would not soundproof the ceilings of his poorly converted, paper-thin council flat, and he couldn't cope with the loud thumping footsteps and noise from his upstairs neighbours. At one point he was sleeping in his bathtub because it was the only quiet room in his flat.

I have adhd and can empathise. I had to leave my birth city against my will as I simply couldn't cope with the huge increase in population and the insane levels of noise (something that wasn't an issue 30 years ago, but modern life is f**king loud)

Neurotypicals have NO idea. None whatever. To them, it's just 'overreacting'. But in the long term exposure to painful sensory overload leads to reduced functioning and, in the case of that poor man, needless suffering.

All because NTs are selfish pigs who don't want to see things from another person's perspective (something they constantly accuse us of failing to do)

That article also tells people not to leave children in a situation where sounds are causing them distress.

So it's either home school or allow him to wear ear defenders in class. Anything else would be cruel.

DS couldn't mask if his life depended on it. Though of course another POV is that learning to not show every negative reaction you have to everything is what we all do and what we want him to do as he grows older to, you know, be a productive member of society.

He can however get used to some stimuli if he needs to. He does actually wear safety helmets after working up time in them. This has enabled him to ride a bike, climb a climbing wall and go tubing, all of which he very much enjoys. But yes, he does get anxious about new helmets and it's our job as parents to help him he the best DS and live his best life including trying new things.

See also: child not bothered by loud music if he's enjoying it and having fun dancing/doing air guitar. And as I said upthread all of us noticing a poorly leg hurts when we get in bed because everything else has been distracting us.

It's clear a lot of you don't know how attention works nor how anxiety works.

Unbelievably cruel, surely its some kind to abuse to deny a young child an aid to help them with their quality of life?

Have you even given it a chance? Even let him try them for a week? Or just said no straight away. I can't imagine being like that as a parent.

LOL. What a lovely reply. SO rude!

I know you have ASD so perhaps that explains why it’s difficult for you to understand this, but people can have different points of view. It’s ok to talk about things respectfully. Let’s not lower ourselves to personal attacks.

It sounds to me like the issue isn't hyperacusis, if he can handle noise elsewhere - more that the noise is distracting him from learning, which would mean headphones would be ideal? I can't concentrate in noisy spaces either (ADHD and poor auditory processing) - I think you're really disadvantaging him here.

I agree. There’s a difference between being sensitive to noise, so the noise is distressing to the child, and to where the child struggles to focus because of being distracted by the other noises in the immediate environment.

I wear noise cancelling headphones to help with concentration. I have ADHD. I’m perfectly happy in a noisy environment when I don’t have to concentrate on a task. But if I need to focus, then I need to drown out the background noise / chatter.

You’re effectively preventing your son from utilising a tool that would allow him to focus more easily and achieve his academic potential. I can’t understand as a parent why you would do that..

My DC’s auditory difficulties have changed over time but they are still very much there. He can’t mask either. I agree in principle that learning to mask can be a useful tool so long as it’s their choice and it’s not forced.

I think the OP’s child is being denied this choice though. He should be given the option to use ear defenders or loops if he wants to.

This is a great book https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/too-loud-too-bright-too-fast-too-tight-book-sharon-heller-9780060932923?sku=GOR002000879&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17428061177&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2-30hcvzjQMVwZ1QBh1l8TwsEAQYAiABEgLhY_D_BwE

Hes fine in the playground, the lunch hall, the supermarket etc - because he doesnt need to concentrate there. He just has to exist/have fun until the next activity.
In the classroom he has to concentrate. Ive got loops for myself they are fabulous. I dont use them every day but when I do need to use them they help so much. Annoying J who talks very loudly on the phone (loops!) Shouty B who talks about her personal problems endlessly (loops!) Inconsiderate C who has Teams meetings without headphones (loops!) When Im tired and need to concentrate but am not in the mood for music (loops!) When I need to focus on a tricky task (loops!) - so many reasons they are handy at work. I also use them on trains when people are being thoughtlessly noisy. And I have the sleep ones too for when my neighbours dont think I need to sleep.

If his teacher thinks something would help him, listen to her and listen to what your son thinks - not about what you think would be best.