Noise cancelling headphones can I refuse them

[Grk]

What's your view on noise cancelling headphones do you think they do good or bad for the child?

I've been approached by my childs teacher saying he seems to find it harder the last few weeks with the noise level in the classroom his not diagnosed autistic but is diagnosed adhd.(Possibly could be autistic also )
We've already been through this with the school in a previous year , both me and his dad didn't want to give him noise cancelling headphones for a few reasons I do believe they make him massively stand out amongst his fellow peers and also his not then getting acquainted to general levels of daily noise in life and will rely on these for the easier option.

Today however his teacher approached me saying about it again and how he knows he doesn't want us to use them but have we considered ear loops also basically an in ear headphone. I said I'd speak to his dad
Upon speaking to his dad his also still dead against it again mainly because it doesn't allow our son to get used to basic every day noise which is what we all have to live with in life . Our son is perfectly fine in the huge loud hall at lunch time so is he with daily general noises out and about on the roads. He can manage supermarkets all fine no issues. It's just the classroom with the children chatting that disturbs and frustates him mainly whilst his trying to do his work so he tells us.

I know it sounds selfish but I have to agree I don't really want him using any type of headphones and do believe he needs to adjust to noise . However because I work at the school I also see him out of the classroom so I do understand their view on this but it makes me feel super awkward if yet again I refuse to allow the teacher to put them
on him.

He's having as much trouble with the noise as you both do accepting and embracing his condition

OP works in her child’s school which makes this even worse. Baffling.

Heaspgones are so good for my son, the othwr kids don't care either.

If he has auditory sensitivity, he simply won’t ‘get used to’ noisy environments or experience them as less intense over time, he’ll just learn to plough on in distress and that he isn’t allowed tools to help. I have auditory sensitivities - for most of my life, I thought everyone got fatigued and overwhelmed by loud and complex noises or couldn’t follow conversations with any background noise. I now have discreet loop earplugs that help - I’m less tired and fraught and can enjoy being out and about. I can concentrate better. Lots of young people use ear defenders and other tools at school; I’m sure he won’t stand out as much as you think. And you’ll be supporting him to learn effectively and look after his needs.

Personally I think you need to think of your child and not what you feel it portraits of you as parents.

You and your DH both sound like my exH. I had to fight so hard to get our DS's diagnosed and he just added more obstacles. He refused to believe there was anything wrong and our eldest has just been diagnosed with autism at the age of 21.

He wanted them to fit in. I wanted to teach them that it's fine to be themselves. Guess who both my sons have the best relationship with now?

We're not meant to live in this noisy environment...we're meant to be hunter gatherers living in nature. It's not good for anyone but your DS just happens to be more sensitive than average.

I've just discovered noise cancelling headphones too and they're one of the best things I've ever bought. They don't block all noise though so sometimes I have to have thunderstorm sounds.

”Basic every day noise which we all have to life with,” but are you “all” autistic?

If you’re concerned about him standing out, go for the loop earplugs as suggested. They do transparent ones.

But please do get him something.

I have ADHD and wear headphones everyday at work, although playing music, they help me to focus and distract me from the background noise. I often find it almost impossible to concentrate otherwise. I have a professional, high paying job and nobody has ever said a thing about it, even if they did it’s clearly a reasonable adjustment. Your son must be massively disadvantaged at school.

Hypersensitivity to noise goes hand in hand with autism and ADHD. It causes them anxiety. You are being massively unreasonable because you are essentially saying he should suffer through it until he gets used to it. They don’t get used to it, they just remain anxious and stressed. It’s really not ideal for a child’s mental health much less their mental health.

But has your child been diagnosed with this?
this advice is for a specific condition!

Managing sound sensitivity in ADHD is completely different - it can be a struggle to filter out background noise and it can be so overwhelming. Imagine trying to concentrate (which is already a struggle sometimes with ADHD!) and having 10 other conversations around you, loudly all fighting for your attention. Ridiculously stressful.

as others have said, I am baffled why you wouldn’t give it a go if he is struggling.

I work in a sen school and i am an autistic adult, and i am surprised by the amount of misinformation around using tools like this. The amount of parents who seem to think that maybe they'll get used to their auditory processing disorder and just need to get used to it.

If the teacher is saying he needs these, then she is telling you that he is distressed by the normal classroom noises and its affecting his learning .

It is cruel to not let him use them

Is it noise cancelling headphones or ear defenders? Noise cancelling headphones can damage hearing so yanbu, but they are also very expensive - so i expect school are offering basic ear defenders.

I think yabu to expect your son to “get used “ to noise, but its also concerning if the school are relying on headphones because the classroom is too noisy. So I would think about trying them in soecifyc situations, eg tests/quiet working, but not most of the time.

I think you're being unreasonable to refuse to try something that may make your DS school life much more bearable. I have ADHD and I'm noise sensitive. I work in an office, and if there's a lot of chatting / background noise / distractions, I am very unproductive and struggle to concentrate. Noise cancelling headphones helps me massively.
However, a room full of children is excessively loud, way more than any day to day noise you would expect in general life. At play gyms or kids parties, I often leave with a headache after only a couple of hours and I need time to decompress after.
If I've had a day at home with the kids being noisy and with music on and the TV on all day, I'm generally much more ratty and get overwhelmed much more easily.

The loop in ear ones are very discreet and may help him. If he is struggling with the noise to the extent he's not able to concentrate on his work, it's impacting his education and how well he is going to do in school.

I do understand your reasoning, but I'd be giving the loops a try. I think you'd be disadvantaging him otherwise.

Your child's teacher is clearly trying to tell you that your child isn't managing in the current classroom environment. Why not let your child try the ear defenders or the loops and see if he finds it easier to concentrate? He doesn't have to wear them all the time; just in the classroom, when it's noisy. Think of them like a medical aid, like crutches or glasses - you wouldn't refuse to let him your child use them and tell him to suck it up, would you?

Also, keep in mind that children who can't concentrate will end up getting more and more frustrated and, not only will their work suffer, but they'll end up being disruptive.

It’s great your child is doing well academically. I say this as a mum of a 7yo who has both autism and adhd - make changes that will benefit him now while things are relatively ok. Don’t wait for him to break first.

You can refuse what you like but it sounds like you’re being very ableist to me.

If your son using glasses during school hours improved his work and experience at school, would you deny him use because he should get used to things being blurry? if it made things during school hours easier for him then I would give it a go and go along with what my child said.

Why does he have to get used to noise like the supermarket ? Do you use items like sunglasses to make your life more pleasant (sun out of your eyes)? If headphones (or loops) made life more pleasant for him, why wouldn’t you use them ?

I’ve read lots of stories on here about what school is like for older kids than your son and if headphones reduced the likelihood of anxiety, school refusal etc later then I would be giving it a go tbh.

He won't get used to the noise though. It will continue to distract/pain him throughout his life but he'll just learn to bury that. Why won't you give him the help he needs, and teach him the lesson that if something is a problem in your life you can find a way to solve it?

If he's autistic and noise sensitive, he won't 'just adjust to noise'. Sounds like you need to get clued up on this, sorry. Stop projecting. Also - loop earplugs.

Let him try them to see if they are helpful.

It’s a reasonable adjustment that could make his life easier. Surely that’s a positive?

Or are you hoping that he ‘grows out of it’?

I really hope the OP has disappeared as she's realised the huge mistake she and her DH have made in completely misunderstanding their child's condition and incorrectly following the advice for a totally different condition.

Please educate yourself and your husband on ADHD and ND OP. Your poor wee boy needs you to be his advocates, not his enemies.

I don't think you are helping him tbh. I've never been able to tolerate that level of noise and I don't have any neurodiversity.
Headphones have saved my life. I need them to concentrate on writing patients notes at work and I wear them during my lunch break otherwise I literally would not be able to work.
I wear them at home as my neighbours are quite rowdy.
If you are like this it's not possible to just get used to noise.

'Get used' to something that his health doesn't enable him to do?? Ableist and not considering what is support your child actually needs to enable him to cope with the everyday.

Do schools use environmental checklists tools?
They are really helpful in identifying adjustments that might be required for each individual.

I'd listen to the teacher and at least try them.

Honestly - for goodness sake - let him try the headphones! Now is a crucial time for him and he doesn’t need your overthinking about this. It’s not an all or nothing decision!

you’re not going to look back when he’s 20 and say ‘gee I wish we hadn’t given him those headphones’ are you…?