Noise cancelling headphones can I refuse them

[Grk]

What's your view on noise cancelling headphones do you think they do good or bad for the child?

I've been approached by my childs teacher saying he seems to find it harder the last few weeks with the noise level in the classroom his not diagnosed autistic but is diagnosed adhd.(Possibly could be autistic also )
We've already been through this with the school in a previous year , both me and his dad didn't want to give him noise cancelling headphones for a few reasons I do believe they make him massively stand out amongst his fellow peers and also his not then getting acquainted to general levels of daily noise in life and will rely on these for the easier option.

Today however his teacher approached me saying about it again and how he knows he doesn't want us to use them but have we considered ear loops also basically an in ear headphone. I said I'd speak to his dad
Upon speaking to his dad his also still dead against it again mainly because it doesn't allow our son to get used to basic every day noise which is what we all have to live with in life . Our son is perfectly fine in the huge loud hall at lunch time so is he with daily general noises out and about on the roads. He can manage supermarkets all fine no issues. It's just the classroom with the children chatting that disturbs and frustates him mainly whilst his trying to do his work so he tells us.

I know it sounds selfish but I have to agree I don't really want him using any type of headphones and do believe he needs to adjust to noise . However because I work at the school I also see him out of the classroom so I do understand their view on this but it makes me feel super awkward if yet again I refuse to allow the teacher to put them
on him.

YABVU. If you son needs them then support this.

don’t let your own prejudice get in the way.

He hasn’t got hyperacusis though. I have ADHD and cannot concentrate at all in noisy environments; it’s incredibly stressful. I’m not going to “get used to it” and nor is your DS.

I have also had hyperacusis following an ear infection. It’s a completely different condition with different recommendations. And this is not what your DS has. As you said he is fine in many noisy environments when he doesn’t have to concentrate. So this isn’t related to noise sensitivity it’s because his ADHD means he can’t filter out distractions in the sane way that you can. Noise cancelling headphones will allow him to focus more easily on what he is doing, improve his performance in school and reduce his stress. It’s incredibly cruel to deny him this simple adaptation in the hope he just stops having ADHD (clue: it’s not going to happen).

This is akin to making left handers write with their right hand.

I think you need to do a bit more research into ADHD and how it works because your confusion and lack of knowledge about your son’s condition will cause him harm if you are not going to listen to recommendations by medical professionals and educators.

Just to add that more and more kids are having ND identified and accommodations like ear defenders and loops are really common. So you may as well have them in place for your child early rather than wait until you or your husband change your mind about how acceptable they are.

Also if your child is 7 then they really won’t be subject to the same peer pressure of fitting in as they will when they are older. If he starts off wearing them while still young then his peers will also get used to seeing him wear them for however long he needs them at school. They will adjust, rather than your child having to adjust.

Finally, you should give your child the opportunity to use them and manage his noise sensitivity himself. He may feel they make him stand out and it’s not worth it. But it should be up to him to make that choice surely. As the parent you need to give him options, not just insist he suffer through it.

Ooh I'm 64, not autistic but struggle to concentrate with noise. How old is DC? Could he wear ear defenders?

Unpopular opinion but I'm glad that you and your husband are willing to help your son become desensitised to childrens chatter through exposure as i think if you can do that youre helping him in the long run get used to it (just because hes ADHD doesnt mean he cant overcome obstacles or cope with challenges, even if they take him a bit longer)

But to do that i think you must start him off at a place of comfort to ease him into it (even successful exposure therapy for phobias is gradual) so you'd be silly to not consider earbuds or allowance for timeouts from noise

Also what medications is he on?

Because id have said noise cancelling headphones are best for autistic children who are scared of loud sound

Do you have any understanding of autism or adhd? Don’t give out bad advice if you don’t. You can’t desensitise them. You’re just causing them more suffering.

Wrong. The problem in classrooms for kids with autism and adhd is the constant chatter and ambient noise.

My child is both autistic and has adhd. Loud noises are distracting, but the issue with him is the classroom environment. He can’t wear ear defenders because he’d also tactile defensive. He’s smart but he cannot focus in the class and he has made no progress. He’s got a place a a SEN school because of this.

I thank god I went to school in an earlier time when it was quieter. I actually quite enjoyed the work, I think? group work was starting to come in and I absolutely hated it tho.

It's clear the aim isn't to "help him become desensitised" but to hide his disability and force him to be "normal" because his father is ashamed of his condition.

Unpopular and also ableist and wrong. Christ.

@CowboyJoanna you’re ok with medication but not ear protection? Bizarre.

People can’t see medication, and the most important thing of course is that people don’t look disabled. Wouldn’t want to upset anyone!

My daughter has asd & possibly ADHD. She is awaiting assessment for the latter. She makes use of noise cancelling headphones & some other small adaptions. It has made life so much easier for her. I think you are being unreasonable tbh. He has ADHD, he won't change & he won't just get used to the noise. You are making his daily life harder than it needs to be. And encouraging him to hide it implies that it's an issue to have ADHD. I would encourage him to embrace who he is & be okay with it.

Both unpopular and completely incorrect - well done you!

I know that noise cancelling headphones made it possible for some of the pupils I taught to stay in the classroom. There were some who needed to put them on just before the bell, because that noise bothered them. Everyone accepted it as the norm, just as they accepted pupils wearing glasses or hearing aids, or any other adaptation required to enable them to manage and engage in the classroom.

Noise sensitivity is real in many people and not just those that are ND. It increases stress levels, heart rate and impacts well being & health. Plus the world is increasingly noisy what with smartphones etc. A friend of mine is a teacher and she has kids using earphones and says it really helps and she just wishes she could wear a pair.

Honestly I’m very noise sensitive and my AirPods have been one of the best things I’ve ever bought. I wear them often even when not listening to music, especially in town where there are buskers with loud speakers etc. If it makes your child happier, calmer and better able to cope, why not use them? We’re all individuals and should use whatever tools we can to negotiate a happier easier life for ourselves.

I recommend calmer flare in my workplace. They are an in ear plug similar in use to loops that help ‘tune’ the distracting noise out. They are very discrete and as they are hollow, they don’t block the noise in the same way that noise cancelling devices do. Only problem is they’re small and can be easily lost. Dd2 and I use them as well. Hence I recommend them. Helps me ignore AC and fridge noises which grate after a while.

My DS CAN be desensitised to some degree, he can cope with limited noise, and we cannot protect him from all noise, so we choose to help him cope with unexpected noisy situations by giving him some exposure.

His sensory issues are a mix of anxiety and discomfort - for example he has got used to wearing helmets for bike/tubing by gradual increases in time but if confronted with a new helmet he gets very anxious and it can trigger flight or fight. Gradually increasing time and distraction by riding his bike or doing tubing which are both fun also takes his mind off the helmet.

It's a lot like the phenomenon where aches and pains are worse when you get in bed because you are no longer distracted. Which makes great sense given ADHD means you struggle to focus attention appropriately.

I think the age is important. My daughter is autistic and has a noise sensitivity too (as do I incidentally). We were referred to audiology as it was really difficult for all of us and they actually recommended not using ear defenders as much as possible - but if she wanted them for particular situations to of course support her. So she wore them for buses and busy travel days and slowly started needing them less. Now she’s 12 she brings earplugs out to shows and such but doesn’t need them as often. I should try loops, keep meaning to get a pair for us to both try.

For me I think I’d let your child lead the way here and ask him if he’s old enough to make this decision. ‘standing out’ is an unnecessary thing to worry about - first of all children should be taught better but also no one in that class will be surprised to see he would benefit from an adjustment. Children take differences in stride for the most part anyway.

OP he doesn't EVER have to learn to try to tolerate noise because even as an adult he can wear loops if he wants/needs to. He will be as entitled to access arrangements at work as he is at school. It's ok if it's an easier option for him - why make life harder?

Your response to the situation is just bizarre and to be honest I'm wondering if his dad is a bit of an asshole who has an issue with his child being ND. There is loads of times he can gradually become more and more used to noise around him, but if he's struggling with it in the classroom when he needs to concentrate then that is not the time to be trying to get him used to it.

It shouldn't be about you and his dad wanting him to "get used" to everyday noises. Those noise may be a trigger for him, they may hurt his ears, over stimulate him. Noise sensitivity is a real thing. I have it and my son does. He wears ear defenders when he feels the need and I have loop earplugs. And it sounds more like you are worried about him standing out than about the fact the noise is bothering him.

@PurpleThistle7 Loops are really good and very comfortable to wear, plus pretty invisible when in. I’ve got a pair of the Loop Engage 2 plus in clear colour. They don’t block out sound like the noise cancelling on AirPods but are excellent when you don’t want a complete noise cancelling device. Loads of my teenage daughter’s friends have them too, they are quite fashionable it seems.

@Tina294 are you sure a child can wear loops all day every day for their entire life and not damage their ear canal?
Because I can't wear ear plugs now due to over wearing them in my 20s (and I know they are not the same, but as they are a new thing I'm not sure you can confidently say you can wear them all day every day for decades).

Yeah, so you're being ableist because your son looking normal is more important to you than his ability to learn in comfort. I'm afraid you need to get past that. If your son is autistic, he is different and no amount of forcing him to be in noisy places will cure sound sensitivity, in fact it will make it worse - you have to adapt.