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My husband died today

256 replies

BlossomIsSoPretty · 07/06/2025 06:57

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 07/06/2025 12:33

I'm so sorry @BlossomIsSoPretty

Please grieve. You do not need to be strong. You do not need to sort out his adult children, they can sort themselves out. You need to focus on your needs so pls pull on help to change your living situation.

Sending a huge hug. X

AMRP · 07/06/2025 12:42

Sending lots of love your way 💔😢❤️

MaidOfSteel · 07/06/2025 12:47

I’m so very sorry for your loss, my dear. Your husband sounds like a wonderful, loving man.
I’ll be thinking of you. X

Shufflebumnessie · 07/06/2025 12:55

There are no words to ease the pain you're experiencing but I am so truly sorry for your heartbreaking loss.
Please, please try not to wonder what would have happened if various aspects of the situation had been different (easier said, than done) . It will be extremely harmful to your mental health, in an already incredibly emotional time.
Thinking of you, and hoping you are able to access all the help and support you need.

lifeonmars100 · 07/06/2025 12:56

I am so very sorry and send my love. We don't know each other and will never meet but I hope my words bring you a few moments of comfort. X

Silvercoconut · 07/06/2025 12:57

I'm so terribly sorry💗💗

Toptotoe · 07/06/2025 13:00

Oh my -im so sorry you are going through this and for the loss of your dear husband. Please don't blame yourself, there is nothing you could have done. As a pp said just take one day at a time.

Wellbeing24 · 07/06/2025 13:02

I am so sorry OP 💗 💗

ShiftingSand · 07/06/2025 13:05

💐🧡

DollieBantrysPantry · 07/06/2025 13:30

So so sorry OP 💐💕

Wayk · 07/06/2025 13:38

Just to say I am so so sorry for your great loss. Be kind to yourself

mygrandchildrenrock · 07/06/2025 13:42

How very sad and how devastated you must be. You may never know if you’d been able to save your husband, so please don’t blame yourself or feel guilty.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 07/06/2025 14:41

I am so very sorry. The fact of the matter is that you could not get to him safely & couldn’t help this. Many of us would have just slept through or been too tired to get up and check even if we can pop down stairs.

Grief is a complicated beast that plays all sorts of tricks on your mind, your guilt, your conscience and emotions. Do not let your intense sadness get the better of you, death has a way of making making us regret and question everything we said and did.

You clearly loved your husband and he clearly loved you and that is all that matters right now. I believe he wouldn’t want you to feel bad & just would want you to be okay.

My heartfelt sympathies and God bless x I am so very very sorry x

Lavenderfarmcottage · 07/06/2025 14:43

Also chances are you wouldn’t have been able to do anything anyway. CPR has a very low success rate. Perhaps this was how he’d have wanted it, so his death wasn’t as traumatic for you.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 07/06/2025 14:44

Please let us know how you are going. Genuinely so concerned for you op. What is the plan. Is there support and family coming for you ?

BCBird · 07/06/2025 14:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take all help offered.

BollickyBill · 07/06/2025 14:56

I am so sorry for your loss OP. So tragic. Be rest assured he probably just slipped away in his sleep and even if you had been able to get to him he was probably gone already. I hope you don't dwell on this and get the support you need from his children and your friends. Thoughts and prayers are with you all and may your lovely husband rest in peace.

ThePerkyEagle · 07/06/2025 14:58

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please don’t blame yourself, you have obviously been through a lot yourself to be paralysed. Think of all of your lovely memories and that you had a lovely husband who supported you and loved you for who you are.

I hope you will be okay, take time to grieve and take any support that is offered. Thinking of you 💔

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/06/2025 15:05

I am so sorry for your loss. That must be such a shock xx 💐

BobbyBiscuits · 07/06/2025 15:16

I'm so sorry. Sending love and support and virtual hugs x

Lilactimes · 07/06/2025 15:28

I’m really so very sorry for your loss @BlossomIsSoPretty .. it’s heart breaking. As others have said, be good to yourself.
Sending Much love xx

anyolddinosaur · 07/06/2025 15:42

I'm sorry for your loss and the shock of it being so sudden.

I always focus on practical issues - so want to draw your attention to the tell us once service as that can simplify the formalities a little. https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

you will need to arrange extra care for yourself.

Motheroffive999 · 07/06/2025 15:42

I am so very sorry .I am thinking of you.

dollyblue01 · 07/06/2025 16:25

I’m so sorry you must be devastated and in shock right now, my thoughts are with you 🌺

Bournetilly · 07/06/2025 16:37

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you have your family members with you now.