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My husband died today

256 replies

BlossomIsSoPretty · 07/06/2025 06:57

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 07/06/2025 09:44

So sorry for your loss op.

Zippidydoodah · 07/06/2025 09:47

I am so very sorry for your loss. None of it was your fault. Please don’t blame yourself for not being able to go down to him.

💐💐💐

Justsomethoughts23 · 07/06/2025 09:51

I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best for the future x

Flamingmentalcats · 07/06/2025 09:54

I am so very sorry. It is not your fault. Thinking of you x

XelaM · 07/06/2025 09:54

Oh no OP 😢 I remember your other posts. I'm so so sorry x

Peridot1 · 07/06/2025 09:59

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s such a shock.

I am glad you have family coming to you. You will need help with the practical things and more importantly emotional support.

Your career sounds lovely and it good you have her number if you need her as you won’t have to start explaining everything again etc.

OchAyeTheNo0 · 07/06/2025 10:02

I’m so sorry OP. The likelihood is it was very quick and there wouldn’t have been anything you could do. I am so sorry for your loss; this is not your fault ❤️

endofthelinefinally · 07/06/2025 10:04

I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock. Flowers

Koazy · 07/06/2025 10:05

What a terrible shock, I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope your family get to you soon x

LadyGreySpillsTheTea · 07/06/2025 10:07

So so sorry for your devastating loss. But please don’t blame yourself in any way - this is a time for you to be kind to yourself, I’m sure that’s what your husband would have wanted.
On a more practical note, you say you don’t know what to do, which is natural. Perhaps his family could divide up the tasks a bit: the registry office has a useful scheme called Tell Us Once, which notifies all state agencies like pension and passports. Perhaps your step-daughter’s husband could take care of that.
Undertakers are very good at guiding griefstruck people through the funeral process. Perhaps one of your step-daughters could be the main contact on behalf of the family.
That would give you some space to grieve and consider any practical issues to do with your care that might arise. I know it’s difficult, but do make sure you eat.
Wishing you the very best in the times ahead.

Magicalbeaver · 07/06/2025 10:07

I'm so sorry. This was a really sad read. I really don't mean to be insensitive, but just noting the number of people who've said on this thread that they know a man who just suddenly died....is this a thing? That men can just ...drop dead like that? I remember a colleague said that her brother had gone to bed with a headache, and then he just died.

ERthree · 07/06/2025 10:08

Oh Blossom, i am so sorry, what an awful night it has been for you. You must be heart broken. Please accept any help that is offered. Can you call and have your carers reinstated for today ? I send my deepest condolences x

LavenderG77 · 07/06/2025 10:09

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

My DH died 8 years ago, he was 44 and died at the side of me. I couldn’t save him. I understand the thoughts of what if and the guilt, it takes some time for them to ease and even then mine have never truly left me. Easier said than done but please try not to think that way, we know they wouldn’t want us to.

You’ll be in shock for some time, as a pp said it’s brutal. Take good care of yourself and only do what you must to get through minute by minute. Your carer sounds wonderful and hopefully can be a good support to you alongside your step daughters and friends. I found talking to people in the same situation helpful at working through my feelings in the months after DH’s death.

My thoughts will remain with you.

Gundogday · 07/06/2025 10:10

Sorry for your loss

ClairDeLaLune · 07/06/2025 10:10

I’m so sorry Blossom, what an awful thing to happen. He sounds like he was a wonderful man. Please don’t blame yourself, it sounds like it was very sudden, and very likely there wouldn’t have been anything you could have done even if you’d got to him. Flowers

catlovingdoctor · 07/06/2025 10:11

I'm so so sorry, sending you best wishes and strength. XX

Pinkypup · 07/06/2025 10:11

I’m so sorry for your loss.

MyKingdomForACat · 07/06/2025 10:13

❤️💐

Axlcat · 07/06/2025 10:13

I am so sorry. Please don’t think this is in any way your fault that you couldn’t save him.

anothergrievingsister · 07/06/2025 10:14

I am so sorry for you and your family, OP. I have also experienced the sudden, unexpected loss of one of the two people I love ferociously (the other being DH). There are no words.

Od course you want your DH back. I am very glad that your family is pulling together and the police and your carer are being so helpful.

I will be thinking of you both. 🌸

anothergrievingsister · 07/06/2025 10:16

PS It bears saying again: of course it wasn’t your fault. I know the guilt: mine is even more contorted than yours. It is part of the grief.

Foreverm0re · 07/06/2025 10:18

Oh my gosh, this is heartbreaking. I’m so so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself, you are not to blame 💐

HurdyGurdy19 · 07/06/2025 10:19

I am so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful shock for you. I hope you feel a little better once the family has arrived and you can support each other

Lasnailinthecoffin · 07/06/2025 10:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband three years ago, and although I was expecting it as I had been caring for him, I still went into shock. This will be what you are experiencing now. It sounds like you have support and more help on the way. Accept all help offered and try to establish new routines and take it a day at a time. Slowly you will get there. I wish you the very best.

MaloryJones · 07/06/2025 10:23

I don't really know what to say but, Please OP, don't blame yourself...

((((Hug)))