Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

My husband died today

256 replies

BlossomIsSoPretty · 07/06/2025 06:57

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

OP posts:
Theoldwoman · 07/06/2025 16:41

I’m so so sorry. I’m deep in grief myself after finding my 21 year old daughter dead back in November 2024. I’m still in shock. Life is not fair. Please go easy on yourself. I hope you get all the support you can very soon x

montelbano · 07/06/2025 16:54

Am so sorry OP, you must be devastated.
You will undoubtedly experience a whole range of emotions over the next days, weeks and months. No-one can tell you the 'correct' way to grieve. It is OK to cry but it is also OK to laugh. It is OK to feel abandoned but remember you have got friends and family to help. It is OK to feel frustrated but time really will help as things get sorted.
It is also OK to get angry, to get angry at your husband leaving you. Even 20 years after my husbands death I still get angry that he left me to now cope with multiple medical problems, or having to try and change an out-of-reach light bulb! A wide swear vocabulary helps! It is OK to howl that it is so unfair.
Please don't blame yourself; it is highly likely that there was sadly nothing you could do.
Above all, try and look after yourself and accept the help offered.
Best wishes.

AlexandraLeaving · 07/06/2025 16:59

So very, very sorry for your loss. Sending you strength to get through the next few hours, days, weeks and years.

333FionaG · 07/06/2025 17:02

Take care of yourself my love, grief is a terrible beast to manage. At least you know he died peacefully, and wasn't suffering at the time of his death.

Bumblingbee101 · 07/06/2025 17:12

@BlossomIsSoPretty I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. You cannot blame yourself. What a shock. I will be thinking of you today 💐

Currymaker · 07/06/2025 17:13

In the days ahead, if there are times when you have no-one in the house to cry to, remember you can phone Samaritans for free on 116123. They can't give advice but can signpost you to supportive organisations. More importantly though they'll be with you on the phone to listen to you and let your pour out all your grief. I'm so very sorry that you're going through this.

NCTDN · 07/06/2025 17:24

💐💐💐

ilovesushi · 07/06/2025 17:26

So sorry for your loss. It must be a terrible shock. I am glad that your children/ stepchildren are on their way to you. 🌺

Fairnair · 07/06/2025 17:26

@BlossomIsSoPretty I am so sorry for your loss.
💐💐💐💐

Cheekychops73 · 07/06/2025 17:49

So very sorry for your loss Xxx

Justgorgeous · 07/06/2025 17:50

Theoldwoman · 07/06/2025 16:41

I’m so so sorry. I’m deep in grief myself after finding my 21 year old daughter dead back in November 2024. I’m still in shock. Life is not fair. Please go easy on yourself. I hope you get all the support you can very soon x

I’m so very sorry. x

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 07/06/2025 17:56

I am so sorry for your loss. Be very gentle with yourself - you've had a terrible shock. Today you must feel utterly bereft. But I have hope to offer.

My own husband died when our kids were still at primary school. I was heartbroken, as you must be. But if it's any comfort my husband was such a loving, kind, funny man that after a couple of years all my memories were happy ones. Far better to gave had real love than the misery faced by women whose husbands were bad men; leaving unhappy memories.

Now, years later, I smile every time I think of him - and i tbink of him every day. I hope and trust that as time passes you too will treasure the memories you have of your darling man.

spiderlight · 07/06/2025 17:58

I'm so very sorry.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 07/06/2025 18:00

I'm so very sorry. Sometimes there are no words for the awfulness that life brings. You're in my thoughts and heart right now ❤️

BellissimoGecko · 07/06/2025 18:26

Op, I’m so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock for you.

Please don’t feel guilty, though. Even if you had been with him, it’s very unlikely that you would have been able to change anything.

Please take care of yourself. 💐

BlossomIsSoPretty · 07/06/2025 22:05

Thanks for all your comments everyone. It's been an incredibly difficult day. I've been to visit my step daughter in hospital. She's hopefully being discharged tomorrow or Monday.

The other two are staying here tonight.
Going forwards, I will need some sort of over night support. In one capacity, I'm unsure. I try to be as independent as I can be but once I'm in bed/not in my wheelchair, I'm not 100% safe completely alone in case of a fire or something.

I am in my bed now, wearing DHs jumper that he wore yesterday and smells of him. Was it only yesterday that life was normal?

OP posts:
XelaM · 07/06/2025 22:13

Theoldwoman · 07/06/2025 16:41

I’m so so sorry. I’m deep in grief myself after finding my 21 year old daughter dead back in November 2024. I’m still in shock. Life is not fair. Please go easy on yourself. I hope you get all the support you can very soon x

Omg I'm so sorry xx

Fitasafiddle1 · 07/06/2025 22:49

You have the inner strength with everything you have been through op to come through this shattering situation. You sound calm and I hope you are being well cared for this evening.

Lasnailinthecoffin · 08/06/2025 07:40

Have you applied for Attendance Allowance? There's a higher rate for day and night needs. It's not means tested and clearly you need help. The money can be used to pay for care or equipment or anything you need to make your life simpler and safer. It's not too difficult to do at all. Good luck with it all.

Letstheriveranswer · 08/06/2025 08:09

I hope you slept as well as can be expected, Blossom. You and his whole family must be in such shock. I read your AMA post yesterday and it was so heartwarming that you found such happiness with your husband. I am truly so sorry that this has been snatched away from you.

Maybe you'd like to put some of his jumpers into storage bags to retain their smell for longer?

I know that social services only provide evening and morning care to plenty of people without mobility - they are put into bed at night by carers and left alone until the carers return in the morning. Never seems safe or right to me.

Do you have a spare bedroom at all If so, maybe looking ahead you could offer someone who works in the day free or cheap accommodation in exchange for being there overnight?

ArabellaScott · 08/06/2025 09:12

Just take things one day at a time, OP. Be extra gentle with yourself. I'm glad you have family with you. X

BlossomIsSoPretty · 08/06/2025 11:10

Letstheriveranswer · 08/06/2025 08:09

I hope you slept as well as can be expected, Blossom. You and his whole family must be in such shock. I read your AMA post yesterday and it was so heartwarming that you found such happiness with your husband. I am truly so sorry that this has been snatched away from you.

Maybe you'd like to put some of his jumpers into storage bags to retain their smell for longer?

I know that social services only provide evening and morning care to plenty of people without mobility - they are put into bed at night by carers and left alone until the carers return in the morning. Never seems safe or right to me.

Do you have a spare bedroom at all If so, maybe looking ahead you could offer someone who works in the day free or cheap accommodation in exchange for being there overnight?

That's actually an interesting idea. Something to consider in the future, thank you.

I will speak with the care company tomorrow about getting a bed call. I hate that this is something I have to think about on top of everything else.

My two step daughters are still here. Wonderful girls

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 08/06/2025 11:21

I am sorry for your loss @BlossomIsSoPretty .

You may already have one in which case ignore, but if you haven't got a pendant/ wrist alarm, it's worth getting one as an extra bit of reassurance (they need to be digital complaint because of changes coming to land lines but most are now I think)

If I'm correct, you are only getting an AM care visit currently? If so, social services can increase the number of visits immediately and then reassess. I know it's something else to have to deal with but they should respond quickly and sensitively to what has happened.

Elderflower14 · 08/06/2025 11:23

I'm so sorry... I lost my husband in 2001 he was unwell but wasnt expected to die. Ds2 found him just before his fifth birthday.. I lost my DP in 2018. He had cancer..
Be kind to yourself. I'm glad you have your stepdaughters with you. I've been lucky with both lots of my step children... 💕

PiggyPigalle · 08/06/2025 11:50

Letstheriveranswer · 08/06/2025 08:09

I hope you slept as well as can be expected, Blossom. You and his whole family must be in such shock. I read your AMA post yesterday and it was so heartwarming that you found such happiness with your husband. I am truly so sorry that this has been snatched away from you.

Maybe you'd like to put some of his jumpers into storage bags to retain their smell for longer?

I know that social services only provide evening and morning care to plenty of people without mobility - they are put into bed at night by carers and left alone until the carers return in the morning. Never seems safe or right to me.

Do you have a spare bedroom at all If so, maybe looking ahead you could offer someone who works in the day free or cheap accommodation in exchange for being there overnight?

That's a great idea. Isn't there a service I read where they match a young person at college up. If the young person could receive carer's allowance, though it's not much, it would be doubly good.
You're sounding strong OP. Glad you have the family around you at this sad time.