My husband died today

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

I’m so sorry for your loss, my heartfelt condolences! You’re not to blame in any way shape or form! Even if you were able bodied, you might not have heard that he needed help or he might not have even realised himself! It happens all the time that spouses die even lying next to their wife/husband in the bed.
Do they know the cause of death?

This is a massive shock, please be kind and gentle with yourself!

Will you be able to get more help and assistance with the things you need help with? Practical every day living as well as arranging everything for him?

Sending you big hugs and I’m so sorry this happened! 💝

I am so sorry 💐

There's even a chosen charity.

You must be absolutely shocked, you poor thing. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have family with you now.

I know you said in an earlier post that if you weren't paraplegic, you could have saved him. I've worked in hospitals for the best part of 30 years, and have done many resuscitations (in and out of work). Even in work, with the support of a resus team, we've not always been able to successfully resuscitate patients (the stats say about 20-40% which is about right)...far fewer when I have come across people outside of work that I have stopped to help (and called 999 for). I don't know if that will help you at all, but I wouldn't want you to be blaming yourself.

Sending you condolences, and thinking of you x

I’m incredibly sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for your loss, what a terrible shock this must have been. Sending love to you 💕🙏

Gosh yes, could the person who set this up @weirdoboelady take it down so OP doesn't have to think about this? She just wanted space here to talk about it.

Oh my, I am so very sorry. What a terrible shock and you must have felt so helpless.

I am glad his family are on their way.

Please know that even if you could have got to him, and could have done CPR, if he'd had a massive heart attack the chances of someone surviving it even with CPR are fairly slim.
With a death so sudden there is very little anyone could do.

Are you able to arrange for your wheelchair to be on charge safely next to you for the days ahead, so you aren't stranded in bed?

Sending you hugs and strength for the days ahead. It will be some time before you feel in anyway normal so allow yourself the time. One hour, one day at a time

You poor thing, life is so tough. Huge sympathies

To get through the next few days just focus on small things, such as making food and drinks, household tasks and make sure you go out to help escape your thoughts and feelings for a minute or two.

You will survive this and one day you will feel alright some of the time and eventually most of the time. Until then do whatever you need to to help and tell others how they can help you. ASK for help.

I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine you must be in shock. I'm glad you have someone with you/family coming.

If you need support / company in the coming weeks and months, I would happily help out. I'm sure others would too if any of us are local to you.

Please don't blame yourself, keep posting if it helps. Huge hugs x

Sorry that seems a bit presumptuous to me. And premature

OP I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm sure you have the best intentions but this seems too much IMO.

I'm so very sorry for your tragic and I'm so glad the Police are there with you. In circumstances like these, they are kind and supportive and will guide you through the practicalies which are beyond you just now
Enveloping you in a warm gentle hug.
Please know that us posters will carry you through until your loved ones are with you
Please know that you did not let your DH down, and even if you had been able to reach him, he went so suddenly there was very little you could've done.
Im so very sorry.

I'm so, so sorry @BlossomIsSoPretty . The shock of a sudden death is like nothing I've ever known, so I really feel for you.

Please take all the support and help from others that you can. I know I would never have coped when my DP died suddenly had it not been for the support and care of my lovely SIL and BIL.

Much love ❤

Although I am sure you mean we'll ibthink this is overstepping just a bit. You have used OPs user name and this could make her identifiable.
The comments in the thread are enough I think.

I’m sorry but do you know the op? This needs taking down, unless the poster has the ops permission this shouldn’t be on. Plus it’s asking people to donate to a heart charity which the op hasn’t mentioned her or the dh having. I get this has touched you but it’s way too much and frankly insensitive

What the hell. Please remove that tribute link!! I did not ask for it nor do I want it.

Apologies. Done with good intentions, and sorry for any offence.

When my little brother died a couple of years ago - complete shock and unexpected at 42yo - I was 'left in charge' as my parents live abroad - and I engaged a local funeral director (who I actually knew personally but had never engaged him professionally) and I never realised how much work or knowledge they had regarding virtually everything - he was fantastic and worth his weight in gold. He helped with every step - I hope you are able to find a good one. Please ask me to remove this post if you think its inappropriate.

I hope your family arrive soon to help with the grieving process and to assist you - they will all want to help I'm sure. x

I’m so sorry x

Good to see that Mumsnet have seen sense and deleted the link.

OP, sincere condolences to you and your loved ones. I hope you can find peace and strength in the coming days and weeks.

I'm sorry for your loss. Are you in touch with any of the spinal injuries charities (SIA, back up etc). They will be able to give advice and emotional support.

Sending sincere condolences.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are all going through. Such a horrific shock for you.

Its a huge shock OP when relatively young loved ones go suddenly. Please be assured your DH went peacefully or you would have heard him. You are in the thoughts & prayers of everyone who reads your post 🙏💐

I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to add my voice to the people asking you to try not to blame yourself. The overwhelming likelihood is that nothing could have been done to save your husband. Things like out of hospital CPR are so very rarely effective. This is not, in any way, on you. And I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to take on any blame.