My husband died today

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

I'm a paraplegic. My husband helps me to bed and then he puts my wheelchair on charge, locks up the house, gets us both glasses of water etc. I'm usually asleep by the time he gets to bed (I take medication that makes me sleep). At 1am I woke up and husband wasn't next to me. I presumed he had gone to the toilet so I waited a while but he didn't return. I couldn't get out of bed to find him because my chair is in another room. I called for him but no answer. I had my phone next to me so I rang his but realised it was on his bed side table.

To cut a long story short, I had to call the police for assistance as I couldn't think what else to do. They came and found DH on the sofa in the lounge. He had died. This was 3.30am. He was cold so died a few hours ago.

As I've no family, a lovely police lady is here with me.
DH is still here. Paramedics have lay him on the sofa. Undertakers will be here soon. I don't even know what to do. He was 67. He has 3 daughters and 6 grandchildren. 1 daughter is on holiday in Spain but will get first flight home, 1 had a baby 3 weeks ago and is still in hospital due to complications and the 3rd lives 4 hours away and doesn't drive but is now on the train but won't get here for a while.

I'm rambling. If I wasn't paralysed I could have saved him. I couldn't get to him. I'm sorry darling.

I’m so sorry 😣💐

sending you love and strength x

@BlossomIsSoPretty

I have been through this - sudden death, no previous indicators around high blood pressure, weight etc and he was physically fit. You will tie yourself in knots thinking there was something you could have done but the reality was almost certainly that there was nothing.

Hopefully you want have a long waitlist for the post mortem and although having cause of death confirmed doesn’t help initially over time you accept that there was nothing you could have done. I found the coroners office kindly, especially as I had a long wait.

The next few weeks will be difficult for all of you and your instinct is to protect the young adult children from the worst of it and they will feel the same. You will get through it but accept help when its offered. A good funeral director will help you navigate the practicalities of the next few weeks, hopefully one of your DC can accompany you to the registrar and odd though it sounds I took some comfort discussing funeral arrangements with the DC.

Its like being hit by a sledgehammer, but we do endure if only for those around us.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what a shock it will have been.

Do you want to talk about him?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It will have been a terrible shock that hasn't worked it's way through your system yet. Please take your carer up on her offer to come back this evening to check in and help you a bit.

I hope you have some friends to call for some support and company.

So very sorry for your loss, OP.

I remember when you did the AMA fairly recently and I found your depiction of your relationship with your husband so beautiful - it really seems it was a marriage of mutual love and tenderness. To echo what others have said, please do not blame yourself. There is every chance that it was a sudden death and nothing at all would have made any difference to the tragic outcome xx

I'm so sorry.

Sending my best, OP.

I so admire your dignity in personal care and tenacity in working OP.
"Adversity is the fuel of greatness." You are great.

Do you not have a careline pendant? They would have rung the police anyway, but thinking of you going forward.

My deep condolences on your husband's death.

I am so sorry you must be very worried. Please do not torture yourself about what you could or could not have done; it was probably quick for him which is the best way. I am glad you have people coming to help if you are in worcestershire I would help you but probably not i am sending you love

I'm so sorry and so sad for you. Sending you strength and support and love through the Internet.

Oh OP what an awful, terrible shock and what a loss of your wonderful husband. It sounds like he had many people who loved him and will be grieving and you'll be in a total whirl. I do hope you have some support to help you through this awful time.

@weirdoboelady that's a lovely thought but you might want to check first that OP is OK with her mumsnet username being made a bit more public like that?

Sending you love and care, and that your friends support you, as do his daughters.
The shock is awful from sudden death, I know, take care x

I am very sorry for your loss, Op.

Absolutely heartbreaking, I'm so so sorry for your loss.

@weirdoboelady I'm sure you mean well, but I think this thread is enough, and the OP might not be ready for others to create things like this for her. It's too early, I think.

Am so sorry for your loss. But please don't blame yourself. Even if you were not paralysed you wouldn't have saved him. He died quietly. And it sounds like he loved you very much so he wouldn't want you blaming yourself.
Hugs

My heart breaks for you 💔 I have no words

I'm so sorry.

@BlossomIsSoPretty of her was on the sofa, it sounds sad if this was a very sudden death. I very much doubt that there's anything you could have done, even if you'd been in the room. Please don't beat yourself up about that.

I hope you soon have family with you

I'm so sorry @BlossomIsSoPretty . I'll echo what others have said: this is not your fault. I get that it is so easy to blame yourself, though. I went through the same when my kid's dad died suddenly, and I didn't even live with him. I'd walked past his house early that morning and thought about popping in for a cuppa, but decided it was too early. On my bad days, I convince myself that if I had, I would have noticed something was wrong and would have gotten him help, but the reality is I wouldn't have noticed.

Please do reach out to your carers if you need them. I've worked in care before, and I don't know a single carer who wouldn't want to help in any way they could in this situation.

I hope you have her permission. I would be furious if someone did that for me without it.

Hello everyone
OP, firstly we are so sorry for your loss, and we are really sorry to hijack your thread but we've had a number of reports from people concerned about a recent post made providing a link for posters to make donations they wish. As we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sending you all our love OP.

I also remember your AMA, you have been through so much

I am so sorry for your loss.