Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

we NEED the laughing emoji back

Doesn't matter if it's £50 or £500 bridesmaids should not be paying for their dress, hair or make up. If you can't afford bridesmaids dont have them!

Are you in the uk? If so bride pays for dress and if bride wants hair and makeup done they pay

doesnt matter how much you think they may have money she is saying she can’t afford it

i wouldnt be bridesmaid for someone who is so grabby as you and your daughter

This 💯in my world.

I’m sure it’s the principle. I wouldn’t be paying £150 for hair, make up and a dress I probably don’t even like. The fact you’ve read each of these replies saying the same thing, and your response is still “we said she could pay £2 a week” shows that you are the problem. Listen to people, and you might understand. Don’t burn your daughter’s bridges over your pettiness.

if you and the couple cannot afford to pay for the dresses/make up/hair, scale down the wedding. It’s that simple

Your daughter is being ridiculous! I wouldn’t pay anyone £150 for hair and make up and if the bride wants that done then the bride can pay!

Tbh this^

If you're UK based its expected that the bride pays for the hair makeup and dress and accessories of bridesmaids.

If your dd wants them to wear something particular/ have their hair and makeup done in a particular way or by a particular makeup artist or hairdresser then she needs to pay for it herself.

I would refund the other two bridesmaids and pay for the three of them or tell them to do it however they like and pay for it themselves and give the two who've already paid the option of their money back or to stick with what's booked.

Also it really doesn't matter if you think someone is short of money or not. You've no idea what their budget is, they may have gone over budget on the work they did and are now saving hard to recoup. Or the prioritise saving over spending and keep a tight budget as is their right.

You don't ask your bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, make up and hair! They are doing YOU a favour by being part of your wedding and supporting you they shouldn't have to be out of pocket for that! And what relevance does what you are paying for have to do with this? Your her mother. I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and make up and their accomodation at the hotel.

I think you and your dd need to recognise that she has made a massive faux-pas in asking her bridesmaids to pay anything. It's her wedding and most people would expect her to cover the costs.

Really, I think it's about damage control at this point. Can you or your dd afford to cover the £150 for all three bridesmaids? If so, I would encourage her to offer a profuse apology, explain that she got so caught up in the wedding planning that she lost touch with what was reasonable, and of course, she would cover the full costs for all three of them. And repay anyone for what they have already handed over.

If you/she can't afford to cover all three of them, maybe she needs to scale back her expectations and let them all do their own hair and make up etc.

You don't really want bad feeling on the day, so not sure that it would work to exclude her from the rest of the preparations. And given that she is linked to the best man, it would create quite a stir to stand her down. So I think your dd needs to either suck up the cost or accept that she can't afford to have everything she wanted to have. It is wildly unreasonable to expect others to cough up £150 for a friend's wedding. Etiquette dictates that the couple/their family should cover all costs.

How much was the hen do? How many hen dos were there? What about stag dos that her husband forked out for? Is he having to pay for his own outfit too? Are they having to pay for accomodation? Travel?

I think she's sick of handing over cash for your daughter and SIL's wedding and has decided enough is enough. Tbh, even if it's just £150 for the dress and hair/makeup, that's cheeky enough. It's tacky and not the done thing to ask bridesmaids to pay for this.

It doesn't sound like she's particularly close with your daughter given that you talk about "playing on the relationship with SIL". Has your daughter asked her to be bridesmaid for aesthetic reasons? I.e. she wants more than just the two bridesmaids because she thinks it looks better in pictures.

You ESPECIALLY don't make your bridesmaids pay for a dress you have chosen that they don't even have a choice in!

Is the groom paying for his best man/ushers’ suits? Or are they expected to buy those too?

It doesn't matter and it's clear to see where your daughter gets her views from. Bride should be paying for the dress, and its grabby and thoughtless to dictate to the bridesmaids that they have to spend however much money she decides on hair and make-up. If bridesmaid is paying, she should be allowed to choose where she gets her hair and make-up done. To blame the bridesmaid for disrupting things and then go even further and consider excluding her from the morning gathering/ festivities because she hasn't fallen into line is petty and kind of spiteful.

I think you might be making things worse... it sounds like you aren't really taking in what people are saying ..and there is pretty much consensus

Ugh, your daughter sounds grabby and entitled. How much you paid for the dress, irrelevant. How much the bridesmaid paid for house renovations, irrelevant. Ugh

When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and told them that I was getting my hair and make up done on the day. They could either do their own hair and make up, or if they wanted to get hair/make up done they could let me know but they would need to pay for it. We had a budget wedding and I couldn’t really afford hair and make up for everyone. 2 did their own hair and make up and 1 wanted to get hair/make done by the hairdresser/make up artist as a treat.

But if I had wanted my bridesmaids to look a specific way then I wouldn’t have expected them to foot the bill and I would have covered the cost. Bridesmaids/groomsmen should never be expected to pay for things the bride and groom want

Your daughter shouldn’t be expecting them to have to pay for their dresses and hair and make up. If she wants them to look a certain way then she pays. Doesn’t matter if the bridesmaids can afford it or not, that’s not the issue the bridesmaid has!

surely she can get her make up done where she wants
jeez
it is 6 months away!

Because her mum has clearly taught her to be a grifter and a cheeky fucker!

My Dd is getting married this year - she will have 3 BMs and is paying for their dresses, hair and make up - ( not their shoes tho) your daughter is being unreasonable

Your daughter could have bought a much much cheaper dress…and then paid for bridesmaids.

if it’s only £2 a week for the bridesmaid…is it also not only £2 a week for the bride to pay instead?

Seriously? never in a thousand years would I have expected my bridesmaids to pay for anything. It was my show and we paid. Just cheeky to essentially ask for payment to attend your wedding.

Disgusting. I know it's tradition in the US, but if you are in the UK, the bridesmaids do NOT pay for their dress or anything else to do with their appearance on the day.

Assuming you are in UK the bride should pay for the bridesmaids dresses, hair and make-up. Sometimes bridesmaids buy their own dresses if they choose the dress themselves. Even if your DD wants to be non-traditional, it is rude (and wrong) to ask her bridesmaids to spend so much on items/services the bride has chosen. Not allowing one bridesmaid to get ready with the rest of the bridal party is petty - it's her wedding day that will suffer, this bridesmaid would probably be glad to get out of the whole thing.

you don't seem to understand, she shouldn't be paying it weekly, she shouldnt have to pay it at all. If the occasion is disrupted, then maybe your dd should pay.