Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

So if it's such a small sum of £2 a week and you're so flush you've paid for this, that, the cottage and the other.... Why aren't YOU paying for the bridesmaids dress that your Daughter so desperately wants her to wear?

Whoever pays chooses. Thems the rules.

It sounds like you haven't comprehended that your Daughter's wedding isn't the priority in everyone else's world.

Why isn't she paying for their shoes? Can they wear normal black shoes? Usually the shoes have to match the dress so the bride/family should be paying.

I don’t think the OP is coming back…

You can't force people to pay for dresses or specific hair and makeup. If your daughter wants that she has to pay for it. Otherwise, she has to let people do what works for them.

Bride is supposed to pay for Bridesmaid's dresses, hair and make up.

Afraid she is the one being unreasonable here.

This pay weekly stuff all sounds a bit like people who like to put stuff on credit card and finance and pay off weekly without realising the total cost.

the bridesmaid do clearly think your daughter is being ott and I agree

" They could either do their own hair and make up, or if they wanted to get hair/make up done they could let me know but they would need to pay for it. "

If you weren't going to pay for it, what gave you the right to tell them they should do anything with their hair and makeup? They can come as they are if they want to.

She doesn’t want to pay it, and shouldn’t have to (whether via a payment plan or otherwise!)

For most women, being a BM is a favour that you do for close friends, and certainly not a privilege that anyone should expect to pay for. I’m beginning to wonder whether BM has (understandably) contrived a way to avoid all the “getting ready” schtick.

I’ve never heard of a bridesmaid having to pay for their own dress hair and makeup. Regardless of cost. She’s probably taken aback by this. So I completely get why she has offered to get her own makeup done. It’s a bit cheeky of your daughter to be honest.

I think she might prefer to just be a guest. She’s the wife of the groom’s friend, so not a natural choice for bridesmaid. I wouldn’t want to pay a lot of money for a dress I’d never wear again in her shoes. But then I paid for everything for my bridesmaids for this reason.

Eee how cheeky of your daughter, surely you both know this is rude and they shouldn't be covering the cost of anything 🙈

This gave me a laugh 😅

I have to say, the sense of entitlement from both you and your daughters is really quite astonishing. More you, to be honest. But then it is your post so 🤷

I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position
It literally has nothing to do with you.

Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money.
As I said, it literally has nothing to do with you, "older lady" 😒

And I won't even start to quote your "I've paid xyz" because you're clearly after a round of applause/medal/MoB of the year award or something? I don't know.

Anyway... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and all that...

She was being poilte in saying she couldn't afford it. What she means is, she's NOT affording it - has better things/ways to spend her money on without it being dictated. Quite right too.

and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

gently, OP, is the real crux of this issue that you don’t really know/like her? How did she end up being a bridesmaid? Presumably someone asked her - she didn’t just shoulder her way in? Unless… she did?

Oh dear, you’ve spelled it out yourself but can’t seem to take the hint. She doesn’t want to pay £150. I wouldn’t either, it’s a piss take. If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid you cover their costs. I imagine your daughter has also dictated what style make up, hair etc she wants her to have? Another reason why she probably has no inclination to pay for the pleasure.

Your daughter is a cheeky f..ker. I’d tell her to stick her bridal demands where the sun don’t shine

The allele doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Your daughter should pay for the bridesmaids expenses which include, hair, make up and outfits.

Very poor form.

My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress.

again

Rude, so rude.
Entitled and grabby even.

Agree

Are you not embarrassed @PeppyZebra ? You have utterly failed to educate your daughter about manners. Payment plan 2£ a week ffs. When you think you heard it all. You and your daughter are being CF and totally absolutely unreasonable.

Why isn't your daughter paying for her bridesmaids?!

Sorry but both you and your daughter are in the wrong.
If she wants them to have professional hair and makeup then she pays and also why is she not buying their dresses if she's spent £2500 on hers?!

Wedding etiquette says the bride pays for the bridesmaids’ clothing and accessories, including shoes, hair, nails and make-up, if the bride dictates what her bridesmaids are wearing. If the bridesmaids are wearing and accessorising to their choice, acceptable to but not dictated by, the bride, then they pay for themselves.
Well, that’s my take on it. Basically, brides should pay for their bridesmaids unless they have given the bridesmaids free rein.

Cancel the gospel choir and pay for the bridesmaids dresses, hair and makeup.

Is it clear what the money is for but you’re not understanding your daughter should be paying for it.

This is a wind up isn't it?

Again as lots of people have said , your daughter should pay. You haven’t acknowledged that.