Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

Your daughter is a cf expecting making her bridesmaid pay for their dresses and make up. The bride is supposed to pay.

I’m sure you’re coming from a good place here & obviously want your daughter to have the most wonderful day possible, but please take in all these replies.

reading between the lines it sounds like she was picked because of her husbands relationship with your son in law. Would I want to pay for a dress chosen by bride, hair & makeup, to be a bridesmaid at my husbands mates wedding? No, I would probably do it if my finances allowed but I’d be resentful & a bit shocked that this was expected of someone I’m not particularly close to. What you have spent, for your daughter’s wedding, renting a house & dress, has no bearing whatsoever on what an acquaintance of the bride should (shouldn’t) be expected to pay to fulfil bridesmaids duty.

hopefully it’s just wedding fever for you & your daughter and you aren’t seriously considering snubbing someone from getting ready with you, because she’s dared to fork out ‘only’ a third of the cost for her makeup? Perhaps if you model better behaviour, your daughter may relax a bit & see the sense of the situation.

For £150 I’d be expecting max factor himself to do my makeup, it’s a lot of money.

You and your daughter are both being incredibly unreasonable. The bridesmaid hasn't put your daughter in any position, she has done this herself. Bridesmaids don't pay for hair, make up or dress if the bride has specific requirements and it's none of your business what she earns or what she spends her money on. By your logic, you can clearly afford to cover the cost, why don't you pay for the bridesmaids so your daughter can have what she wants?

If your daughter asked this woman to be a bridesmaid, she must consider her a close friend or someone that's important to her. Where she gets her makeup done isn't worth damaging the relationship, which is what will happen if she refuses to allow her to the house on the day or holds any of this against her. The fact that she's getting her make up done at her own expense shows that she's making an effort that she can afford. Look at the bigger picture and enjoy the day.

This ⬆️. It's judgemental and really not the point.

Ridiculous behaviour by the bride

I agree with the majority - the bridesmaids shouldn’t have to pay for hair and makeup or dresses. The only thing we asked ours to sort out themselves were shoes, because we wanted them to choose something comfy that they’d wear again.

You're splashing the cash, pay for the bridesmaids', dresses, hair and makeup.

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

I have to agree with everyone else.

I know this is in Chat (why not 'Weddings?) rather than AIBU, but your daughter is being incredibly unreasonable to be asking the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, their hair, their make up or anything else.

Made even more so when she thinks it is reasonable to spend £2.5K on her own dress

The bridesmaid hasn't put your daughter in any position, your daughter has brought this on herself. It sounds to me that this bridesmaid has done more than I would to try to compromise.

If your daughter wants it that much then she pays. When did other peoples weddings get so expensive. It’s not only £50 it’s another £50!! And you have no idea of her financial situation

And can I guess there was a hen party to pay for as well

You're missing the point. She shouldn't have to pay for the dress. Nor the hair and makeup.
She's the bridesmaid.
She's not disrupting anything. Get your wallet out and apologise.

I know. It's fine to spend your own money on your wedding, but not other people's!

Of course. Plus a wedding gift

Yes we all understand. That’s not the point.
The reality is that your daughter is being cheap and cannot afford the wedding she has chosen.
I really hope you haven’t offered a payment plan. That’s so embarrassing for you all. Make choices you can afford. Hope that makes it clear.

Your daughter is being incredibly rude to expect them to pay anything for HER preferences for her wedding. How utterly ridiculous for you two to spend £2.5k just on her own dress yet be too tight to stump up for the bridesmaids.

Or your daughter could stop being such a skinflint and pay for her own bridesmaids.

Yes, oh my god...the payment plan?! I hope this isn't real.

When I got married 20 years ago, I took my bridesmaid shopping. I told them my budget was £100 each but if they wanted something more than that they paid the difference. Dresss came in a 115 each! So everyone happy (I did pay the extra 15 in the end)

If your dd wanted a set dress, hair and make up she should pay

Don't you or your daughter have any shame at all in asking the bridesmaids to pay for their outfits. Don't you know that tradition and etiquette dictates that the bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses & makeup etc.

I recently had my makeup done at a beauty counter for £60 & I had to buy 3 products so the makeover was free. I then paid £30 for a blow-dry so for under a £100 I got a makeover for an event in central London. Your daughter is running a scam demanding £150 for hair & makeup.

What's stopping your daughter paying if it's only £2 a week? How embarrassing to ask someone to pay 2 quid a week towards hair and makeup.

Maybe your daughter needs to have the wedding she can afford rather than the wedding she wants.

Although your attitude doesn't seem dissimilar so it's easy to see where it comes from.

Why isn't your daughter paying?

You're missing the point. It's not right that your daughter is expecting her bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and hair and make up. It's usual for the bride to pay for these things.

Best advice for any bride is have the amount of bridesmaid you can afford to pay for, I’d never expect a bridesmaid to pay for dress, makeup or hair.

i paid for everything for my bridesmaid, she only had to buy her own drinks on the day.

you cannot dictate what dress someone has to wear but then expect them to pay for it! That’s ridiculous.