Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

You don’t make the bridesmaids pay for their dress, make up and hair!
They’ve been asked to do it, they shouldn’t then have to ‘pay’ for the privilege.

What planet are you and your daughter living on?

Yeah I’m with the bridesmaid on this one. £150 is a lot of money. And stop deciding for someone else if they can afford something!

I recently had my makeup done at a beauty counter for £60 & I had to buy 3 products so the makeover was free. I then paid £30 for a blow-dry so for under a £100 I got a makeover for an event in central London. Your daughter is running a scam demanding £150 for hair & makeup.
This isnt comparable to be fair . A make up artist and hairdresser booked for a wedding obviously isnt the same as a makeup counter trainer staff member doing your makeup for free in return for you purchasing products. Hair and make up for £100 ( not 150 as 50 was for the dress) is not expensive in this day and age. No doubt there are cheaper professionals but its not an out there price. The issue here really i think is that the bride should be covering these costs or saying shes happy for the girls to do their own hair and make up themselves if she really didnt want to pay.

Also had forgotten about the gospel choir until you mentioned it! To busy thinking about what-in-the-cheeky-f*ckery-is-going-on-here wrt the hair/make-up-dresses/whatever else the bride should be paying for!!!!

Pays for a gospel choir but can’t pay for her own bridesmaids 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣

I believe some on MN are totally capable of payment schemes like this!

I don't think you (and your daughter) are really getting this. It's really unusual and a bit presumptuous to ask someone to be your bridesmaid at their cost. Never heard of someone having to buy their own dress and always had hair and make up paid for too unless just asked to do their own or get someone to do it if they wish (and this is at an absolute push, all weddings I've known it's been provided really) you can't ask someone to be your bridesmaid and for them to foot the bill for anything? I've been asked before if I will wear my own shoes of any style I choose, which I think is perfectly reasonable as I could wear a pair I own or buy a cheap pair or a pair I will use. Surely you can see after all these messages that you and your daughter are way off mark here? You've read the room entirely wrong, suck it up. This bridesmaid is probably acting out as she has more experience/sense and knows you are being cheeky, I assume she's decided if she's paying for it she might as well get some she likes. Absolute mystery why you've included the cost of the bridal gown

How dare you even mention her house in this. Them extending their house is clearly more important than the poxy wedding. I also wouldn’t be forced to pay 100 for hair and makeup when I could get it done for £50 elsewhere. Think your whole family need to get over yourselves. It’s a wedding. I get it’s your daughters day and it’s important to you but others it won’t be .

I'm married to a high earner and wouldn't be happy if I was ordered to pay that much for make up and hair when I'm perfectly capable of brushing my own hair and putting on some lipstick and mascara.

you can’t invite people to your wedding and ask them to pay for stuff!!! when did this become normalised?? if you can’t afford your bridesmaids dresses and make up then don’t have bridesmaids. if you can’t afford a £2,500 dress then choose a cheaper one. you can’t tell people how to spend their money for you?! so odd.

It doesn’t matter if she can afford it or not, it’s greedy to ask your bridesmaids to pay even 1 penny towards their dresses, hair and make up. Being a bridesmaid often comes with additional responsibilities such as helping the bride or organising the hen party so to also ask for money is despicable. They were invited to be bridesmaids, they didn’t ask for the role. I’d be declining to pay and ending the friendship. What a horrible situation.

You don't ask someone to be a bridesmaid and expect them to pay for their own dress, hair, make-up, shoes or accessories! If your daughter can't afford to pay for 3 bridesmaids, then she shouldn't be having 3 bridesmaids. If your daughter was expecting each bridesmaid to pay, did she tell them at the start and how much, it would be?

She’s probably doing that because she won’t be dictated to and bullied. I’m sorry but your daughter is coming across as very entitled, greedy and spoilt.

OP is hearing some home truths!

Who on earth are you to judge their financial situation? They might have bought a house recently, but that might have left them stretched. In all honesty, I hope this poor bridesmaid pulls out. I would not want to spend time with you, your family or bridezilla.

Sorry but you don’t know the full extent of someone’s financial situation just from what you think you see or know. People that ask bridesmaids to pay anything in my opinion is rude it’s your wedding you pay it don’t ask other people to subsidise your day - absolute CF of the highest order

If they've just spend 60k on an extension they probably have no money left!

Stte
Hopefully bridesmaid will see the light and fifth your daughter because who asks anyone to pay for their own things when being a bridesmaid and then if she ditches her, she has the added bonus of not having to deal with you and your judgemental shit

You and your daughter are being unreasonable in this situation unfortunately. In the UK the bride traditionally pays for the bridesmaid dresses and hair/makeup or is happy for bridesmaids to do their own. They are doing the bride a favour not the other way around.

We were married over 10 years ago and had an incredibly tight budget of £4000 for the whole wedding. I still purchased bridesmaid dresses for 5 bridesmaids and arranged for hair. They did their own makeup.

One of my bridesmaids had given birth 4 months before my wedding and wanted a dress a bit more flowy as she didn’t feel comfortable. She asked if I minded if she wore another dress in the same colour and purchased this herself because that is what she felt more comfortable in. I didn’t pay for hers (it wasn’t even discussed tbh) because it was her choice to wear something different. In that instance, I think not paying is fair as a dress had already been provided.

I always feel that the wedding is for other people, the honeymoon is for you. I loved my wedding but I only had 1 drink all night because I was busy talking to my guests and thanking people for coming etc. Your daughter has chosen to allocate the budget elsewhere for more selfish purposes. That is her decision but you cannot expect a bridesmaid to make up the shortfall for poor budgeting.

Sorry but you can’t ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to pay for it all, regardless of someone’s housing situation you can’t judge someone’s financial position. If your daughter wants her to be a bridesmaid and wants her to have her hair and make up done then your daughter should be paying for this. I imagine as a bridesmaid she has been invited to the hen do which will no doubt be costly, she shouldn’t then have to foot the bill for the wedding day. If your daughter can’t afford it then I suggest she cuts back on things.

Your daughter is in the wrong

Your daughter is being an entitled brat. You raised said entitled brat and have the cheek to be affronted on her behalf. I guess it’s a case of the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

shes politely saying NO. She doesn’t want to pay someone your daughter has picked to do her make up. She’s already forked out for a dress im guessing she doesn’t like or will ever wear again. When I got married I bought my bridesmaids everything, dresses, shoes, bags, accessories, paid hair and make up. And paid for the wedding night in a hotel. I asked them they shouldn’t be out of pocket. Even if she was a millionaire why should she pay for your daughter’s wedding!

The payment plan, of £2 per week is still making me cringe myself inside out.

How could anyone have the neck suggest this with a straight face? Poor woman probably couldn't believe it.

Back in the olden days, not only were bridesmaids' dresses and other costs paid for (if a certain dress or shoes were dictated) but they were also given a little keepsake gift, like a pendant.
This bride is instead handing hers a bill!!

Im normally of the opinion that the bride and groom should have the wedding they want but asking the bridesmaid to pay for the privilege is a huge no no.
Your DD should be paying, the bridesmaid has been polite as she can be without actual turning round and saying your DD is a grabby madam

@PeppyZebraita completely irrelevant what payment terms your daughter has dictated, or how affordable you believe it is, your daughter should never have asked for money from the bridesmaids AT ALL. If she wants them to wear a specific dress and have their hair and makeup done, then these costs should fall to your daughter, not the women she’s asked to be bridesmaids. She sounds quite grabby tbh.