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Daughters wedding

409 replies

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 18:36

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

OP posts:
HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 02/06/2025 19:58

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

Your daughter should DEFINITELY be paying for the BM dresses. If she wants them to use a particular make-up artist and hairdresser you daughter should pay for that too. If she let's them choose their own or do their own hair/ makeup then that's fine.
I can't believe after all this you don't want her at the house on the morning of... why???

VonBonbon · 02/06/2025 19:58

She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding

Another thing, don’t, for God’s sake, make everyone settle up on the day of the wedding. The photographer doesn’t need to capture magical scenes of the bride throwing a strop because no one’s got the right cash and she was banking on it to pay the DJ.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/06/2025 19:59

Wow is there a word for a bridezilla's mother...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

VonBonbon · 02/06/2025 20:00

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/06/2025 19:59

Wow is there a word for a bridezilla's mother...

BrideMILla?

yakkity · 02/06/2025 20:00

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

You haven’t addressed the point that the bride typically pays for the dress and makeup. Why isn’t your dd paying?

Newnamesagain · 02/06/2025 20:02

I'm at the age where friends get married and have babies left, right, and centre. It really adds up. If she's spending £150 on this wedding, plus hen do, plus accomodation, plus gift, it's probably already close to a grand. She probably has 3-4 of these this year and a load of engagements and new babies to pay for.

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 02/06/2025 20:02

VonBonbon · 02/06/2025 20:00

BrideMILla?

🤣😂
(I miss the LOL reaction)

GreenSkyes · 02/06/2025 20:02

We paid for my BM dresses, hair and make up. They bought their own shoes, which they could choose any.

CandyCane457 · 02/06/2025 20:03

Good for her.

I have never known a bride to ask bridesmaids to pay for their own hair, makeup and dress. If the bride wants them to look/dress a certain way for her big day, then she needs to pay for them.
I also absolutely would not pay for this myself if I was a bridesmaid. It’s a very big ask.
It doesn’t matter how much money the bridesmaid has, or how much the extension on her 5 bed house cost. She should be able to choose how she spends her OWN money. Not be dictated to. Your daughter is wrong.

diddl · 02/06/2025 20:07

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/06/2025 19:59

Wow is there a word for a bridezilla's mother...

MOBzilla?

Nousernamesleftatall · 02/06/2025 20:07

Sorry this is so cringey. You don’t ask bridesmaids to pay for anything, How do you not know that?

SunComeBack · 02/06/2025 20:08

The bridesmaid isn’t being unreasonable, unless your daughter pays for bridesmaids dress then the bridesmaids should pick their own dress as long as the colour is right.
Also as long as she can make herself presentable she should do whatever she wants with her hair and makeup, unless your daughter pays for it.
I couldn’t afford all of these extras at my wedding, it’s why I had a small family one, you can’t dictate how someone should spend their own money.
Your daughter could of course tell her friend she doesn’t want her as bridesmaid anymore, you never know she might appreciate an excuse to chip out now.

whitewineandsun · 02/06/2025 20:08

Endofyear · 02/06/2025 19:44

You're missing the point. It's not right that your daughter is expecting her bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and hair and make up. It's usual for the bride to pay for these things.

It sounds like the bride is having a lot of the wedding paid for, according to what the OP mentions that the parents are paying for. Likely, the daughter is used to others paying. Bridesmaids shouldn't pay.

Sofiewoo · 02/06/2025 20:10

Help?
Social convention in the UK is that the bride pays for the dress and makeup if makeup is “required”. The friend isn’t in the wrong, your DD is. If it’s “only £5 a week” for the dress why doesn’t your daughter save it? She’s saving on a lot of other costs.

2025ismybestyear · 02/06/2025 20:10

Your daughter is in the wrong. You sound jealous with your underlining. Behave.

DepositSaverUpper · 02/06/2025 20:10

Your daughter should pay. She wanted 3 bridesmaids.
I never asked any of mine for a penny supplied everything for the whole wedding party

Ophy83 · 02/06/2025 20:10

Bride pays for dresses, hairdresser, wedding nails etc. The bridesmaids organise the hen do, which the bride doesn't pay for. That's just how it works. 🤷

godmum56 · 02/06/2025 20:11

I can't get over a 2.5k dress to wear once.....

CantStopMoving · 02/06/2025 20:11

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

But in the UK it is not usual for bridesmaids to pay anything. You have asked them to do the honour, you pay! Seems mental to ask them any money- you also need to buy them a small gift as is tradition!

the USA seem to have more of a tradition that bridesmaids pay but honestly I’d be a bit affronted if I was asked! I certainly paid for all mine.

whitewineandsun · 02/06/2025 20:11

godmum56 · 02/06/2025 20:11

I can't get over a 2.5k dress to wear once.....

It's the gospel choir for me

Iloveasunnyday · 02/06/2025 20:11

You don't ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to pay for their own dress, hair and make-up! And you especially don't tell them they can pay it off at £2 a week. I'm actually cringing for you and your daughter right now.
It doesn't matter whether you think 'she can afford it as she has just spent £60k on an extension on her 5 bed house'....TBH, that smacks of a little jealously.....it's absolutely none of your or your DD's business.
Either don't have bridesmaids or do the right thing and pay for their dress and whatever they need.

Pippy25 · 02/06/2025 20:11

Your daughter should be paying the £150 for the dress, hair and make up for each bridesmaid.
I 100% agree with the bridesmaid and wouldn't be surprised if she drops out

Sofiewoo · 02/06/2025 20:12

she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

Omg stop! Imagine trying to put your bridesmaid on a payment plan for their makeup!!

Aimtodobetter · 02/06/2025 20:12

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

The fact that it’s a small amount doesn’t change things - it’s also a small amount for your daughter and if it’s her wedding it would be normal for her to pay.

Vitrolinsanity · 02/06/2025 20:12

Stop digging, please.

if you want BM’s you fork over.

And even if that wasn’t the case (which it IS) it’s your daughter’s problem and not yours.

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