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Daughters wedding

409 replies

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 18:36

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

OP posts:
CrOuChEnDTiGr · 04/06/2025 14:24

I have and would have as the bride and as bridesmaid expected the bride to pay for dress, any alterations, hair and make up. The bride then can decide what the dress, hairstyle and makeup style should be. If you are asking then to pay for any of this it’s their choice I’m afraid. In that case I would choose my preference of hairstylist and MUA. I think it’s perhaps not your place to decide whether or not she can afford it, she likely thinks the same of you and perhaps why she has decided to if she is to pay for it, it will be what she would like.

If you were to ask someone to go to dinner and pay £209 for the experience would you then choose their dinner for them? I think it would be petty of you or your daughter to exclude her from the pre wedding celebration and would lead to bad feeling all around. Your daughter clearly thought enough of her to ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 04/06/2025 14:46

I paid for hair, make up and dresses for my bridesmaids - the bridesmaid is clearly (rightly) annoyed at shelling out for this and having to use the expensive providers your daughter has chosen. This definitely isn't the etiquette.
Your daughter needs to back off, check what the other bridesmaids actually want and let them decide whether they want to pay for her chosen supplier or not.
The only thing I didn't pay for was manicures and pedicures and shoes - and as a result they wore what they wanted and had their nails how they liked. You can dictate what choice someone has and ask them to pay for it. If she wants it her way, she pays. If she wants them to pay for it, they choose.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 04/06/2025 14:48

PeppyZebra · 02/06/2025 19:33

Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

It doesn't matter the actual cost. If your daughter wants something, she pays for it. End of. Otherwise, she has to accept that the bridesmaids get to choose what they have and how much they want to spend

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vivazeboo · 04/06/2025 20:22

WTAF!! I can't believe that someone would have the front to do this - asking for payment from the bridesmaids is absolutely horrible and I feel quite sad for the ones that actually paid it! This person is quite right in that she shouldn't have to pay...all of the bridesmaids should be refunded their money too...it's not their day!

deeahgwitch · 04/06/2025 20:42

I’m not sure the OP @PeppyZebra will be back. She’s just got her ar*e on a plate on this thread.

Fuzzymuddle33 · 04/06/2025 21:35

Traditionally bridesmaids dresses are paid for by the bride and groom or their families.

i see two possible exceptions, 1) where the bridesmaid is allowed to wear whatever she likes or 2) where money is exceptionally tight for the wedding party and they pre agree with the bridesmaids that they are happy to pay for themselves.

if 2), personally, I would rather have fewer bridesmaids and pay for 1

Happyflower12345 · 06/06/2025 12:24

Has OP come back?

Tibbyy · 07/06/2025 18:21

When I was an au pair I was a bridesmaid for someone who had us pay 100 for hair and make up and I felt like I had no choice but to pay it because the other girls did, even though I couldn’t really afford it as I had to fly home for the hen party and wedding and should have just said no. I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times and that’s the only time I’ve had to pay for hair and makeup.

meeeeeeshel · 08/06/2025 14:00

ButteredRadishes · 02/06/2025 18:50

Next she'll be charging guests £xx per head for their meals 🤣🤣🤣

Edited

I know someone who did this. No word of a lie. And didn't think twice about it 🙈

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