Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

Sorry I think both you and your daughter are extremely unpleasant people! When I got married I paid for hair, dresses, make up and shoes! £150 for hair and make up is a total piss take, regardless of how much money the bridesmaid has. It sounds like you’re jealous of the bridesmaids financial position. No wonder your daughter doesn’t appear to have any friends!

@PeppyZebra Can I just make it clear through £150 is for the dress hair and make up so essentially £50 each. She has made an appointment for her make up done independent for £45 so she seems to be disrupting the occasion for £55 which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00

The bit you have failed to grasp is that she should not be paying anything. This should be covered by the bride. So, it’s likely not a case of she can’t afford it, but instead a case of she’s not paying on principle (no matter how many bedrooms she gas, given that’s utterly irrelevant).

Your dd is a cheeky bridezilla who should pay in full for the things she wants to dictate.

I got married 10yrs ago. Had 5 adult bridesmaids. I paid for their dresses, shoes, hair done, my budget just didn't cover make up for them. I had someone do mine (ofc, I'm the bride) but told the bridesmaids that if they wanted theirs dome professionally they would have to source it themselves however I didn't mind where they went. If the bridesmaids are paying for their own make up to be done you absolutely cannot dictate how much it should cost and where they're getting it done. I'm sorry to sound so snippy but unless you're their personal accountant how on earth do you know what they have in the bank or their personal spends? Just because they have laid out a £60k extension, maybe that was their used up funds? Maybe they're tightening their own purse strings for their own personal needs and your daughter's wedding is not one of their priorities which is absolutely understandable. I think your daughter is being very unreasonable and not kind to this bridesmaid at all to shun her out the celebrations because she won't spend well over her means on a make up artist. It's all well and good saying "it's x amount a week" but that's irrelevant to what they can afford.. professional rugby player or not!

If she says she can’t afford it it is absolutely none of your business. To be honest your daughter should be paying for the bridesmaids hair make up and dresses. I think it’s quite rude she’s asking for money tbh. I’m paying for all of my bridesmaid and wouldn’t even consider asking them to pay! £150 for hair and make up seems excessive

Your daughter is a grifter, and you're immensely rude for making assumptions about other people's incomes and money. It's clear from your frequent amount-dropping you're all about how much things have cost you, but other people shouldn't have to pay to attend your daughter's dressy-up party.

FFS £2,500 for a wedding dress. No wonder she needs everyone else to pay for their own stuff. Sorry OP, but your daughter should be footing the bill for all the dresses, hair and makeup as it's her decision! She sounds like a right bridezilla!

Pay weekly to be someone's bridesmaid? Is your daughter the queen of sheba lmao

Why do they need someone to put make up on them? Surely as adults they can all put their own make up on or am I missing something here?

Your daughter is a CF.
If the bride wants something she can pay for it. Doesn’t matter how much money the bridesmaids have or how much you feel they should be contributing. No one, aside from the bride and groom, has to spend any money on this wedding. If your daughter couldn’t afford to pay for the bridesmaids then maybe she shouldn’t have them. Your feelings on the matter are somewhat irrelevant here.

edited due to typos

It is the brides responsibility to pay for dress, hair and make up. It should not cost the bridesmaid anything!!! Is this a joke or reverse

Can I just make it clear that if your daughter wants her bridesmaids to appear a certain way then your daughter could pay £2 per week too.

OP, is the groom making his groom men buy their own suits as well?
The wedding party should not be footing the bill for your daughter's wedding - if bride can't afford to pay for dresses, hair and make up for bridesmaids then she probably shouldn't have bridesmaids at all.

There’s no way I’d want to pay £150 to be a bridesmaid!! It isn’t about affordability, it’s a waste of my money.

Your daughter is being unreasonable. If she can’t afford to pay for her bridesmaids then she should have fewer.

☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

which we said she could pay for weekly at around £2.00.

You don't get to choose how other people spend their money.

Agree with almost all other responses. You shouldn’t ask someone to be bridesmaid and then ask expect to pay for everything, especially the dress. I hate it when there’s an expectation for bridesmaids to be out of pocket. As long as she looks put together and presentable who cares who does her hair & makeup. She may not like the style of the make-up artist, might know somebody else, might want to do it herself etc. Who cares!

I wouldn't pay it either! That's a lot of money to spend on hair and make up and if the bride wants it, she pays for it. Simple as that. Personally I'd run a mile if I were her lol
And it is also kone of your business what they spend their hard earned money on!

we didnt ask any of our wedding party for money and neither did either of my best friends who I have been bridesmaid for. Super cheeky to ask for a contribution, she should have budgeted better or as her parent you should cough up.

It sounds to be that the bride and her family-namely you, are being rude and unrealistic. Bridesmaids should not be forced to pay for anything. This is the couples responsibility. No matter how much money she has, that’s none of your business. Also what you’re paying towards the wedding is not relevant, she’s your daughter. Get down off of your pedestal and just enjoy the wedding instead of stirring up crap.

I paid for four bridesmaid dresses, hair and make up and my mums hair and make up for my big day. You can't expect bridesmaids to be out of pocket for your day. It's not a dress they'd ever wear again. If they're a wedding guest they may well buy a new dress but likely would wear more than once!

@PeppyZebra are you in America by any chance?

I think the customs are different-is there a cultural expectation?

Because in Uk the bride pays for all the things you are listing.
My soon to be DIL is paying for all and the bridesmaids can choose their own dresses.

It sounds like expectations are very different. To clarify-is she a bridesmaid because she is the best man's wife or because she is a friend of your DD?
Sounds like she is there under protest?

I really think the bride needs to suck it up-you can't make them have the dress the bride wants and not pay!!

Edited to add that it all just feels so petty and grabby.
Is it worth ruining the day?
Because the bad feeling this £150 is causing is huge.
Does she want to be a bridesmaid or has she been railroaded?
Very messy...

Bridesmaids should not be paying for anything. Paid for my own and when my DD got married last year, all the Bridesmaids needs were taken into account and paid for by us, except for the shoes, because they wanted to wear their own.
If you can't pay for them, then don't have them. They're not obligatory.

I had no idea that bridesmaids had to pay for their own dresses/hair/make-up. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where this was the deal.

Sorry but I think your daughter should pay for hair and make up and for the bridesmaid dresses. If she wants a certain look then she should pay for it. Otherwise the bridesmaids can choose