Daughters wedding

[PeppyZebra]

Needing advice. My daughter gets married in 6 mnth at a church. She was having 3 bridesmaids. Myself and ny husband halve purchased her dress at £2500, paid for a gospel choir and are paying for the church. We are also renting a house near the church for the night b4 and after. Myself, my hubby, ny son, his girlfriend(whois a bridesmaid) and my daughter are staying there night before. My daughter has asked for £150 each from bridesmaids for hair makeup and dress. Two are fine. The other one(best man wife) has said she can't afford it. She has already paid 50.00 for her dress and my daughter said the rest is not to be paid until day of wedding. Works out about 5.00 per week. This young lady and her hubby are not short of money. She works full time, he is a professional rugby player and they have just paid 60 grand cash no mortgage for an extension on their 5 bedroom house. She has messaged my daughter saying she just cannot afford to have her hair and make up done but has confirmed that she has made an appointment to have her make ip done professionally somewhere else on the day and it is to cost nearly £50. My daughter doesn't think she wants her to come to our home on the morning of the wedding with all the celebrations when the other 2 have paid and she won't. Just to point out also when my daughter gave her the link for the dress she ordered a completely different dress than what my daughter asked her to and ended up sending it back. I don't want her to come and I am annoyed that she has put my daughter in such a position and it feels like she is playing on the friendship of her hubby and my soon to be son in law. HELP PLEASE

The bridesmaid is not paying out of principle. The other 2 are sucking it up, or are pushovers, and are probably upset at the cost.

And here we have another example of a bride who thinks everyone should cough up and pay for their massive narc fest.

After 14 pages there’s nothing original I can say, but you, MOB & the Bride, are extremely unreasonable.

Its kind of obvious where your bridezilla gets her attitude in the two posts you made.

I'd forgotten about the gospel choir! 😂

Unbelievably ridiculous when you can't afford to pay for bridesmaids!

I only paid for the bridesmaid's' dresses and shoes. I wasn't bothered what they did about hair and makeup so it was down to them what they did. One of them had a consultation with me at the Clinique counter in Debenhams and we did our own make up. I've no idea if they had their hair done or not!

I wouldn't wear makeup at all. Does that mean I can never be a bridesmaid? I never wear makeup and didn't when I got married over 40 years ago. Weddings seem to have got entirely out of hand these days with people worrying far more about the spectacle than the meaning behind it.

What they spend their money on is none of your business. Why ask them to be bridesmaids if you’re going to charge them? Mental

My Dd was expected to pay towards the Brides place on the hen holiday , the bride dictated the bridesmaids dresses that cost £210 each, add to that the jewellery and hair make up and my Dd would have been £500 worse off .
She was saving to buy her house and it was totally ott.
She backed out of being a bridesmaid, was uninvited to the wedding and the bride and other bridesmaids have never spoke to her again . Their loss . Your Dd is behaving like that and it is so selfish.

You think the bridesmaid is 'playing on the friendship of her hubby and soon-to-be son in law'? I think it's your daughter who's playing on the friendship of her bridesmaids, expecting them to pay for the privilege of being bit parts in her big day.

You are mumofthebridezilla and she is bridezilla. If you want the wedding party to dress and be presented in a certain way then you need to pay for it.

It does not matter a jot how rich they are.

It’s 2025.
Can we normalise only having the number of bridesmaids you can afford to dress for the day?

£150 is a lot of money. How much, and how the bridesmaid paid for the extension isn’t any concern of yours unfortunately OP. If your DD cannot afford 3 bridesmaids, she should’ve chosen less. Or compromised on something else (which is of course what you are asking the bridesmaid to do instead).

I don't think I'd pay £100 for hair and makeup for any occasion, let alone someone else's wedding! I'm not sure why it's such a big deal that she's getting it done somewhere else, but I don't think it's unreasonable at all for her to suggest going somewhere she finds more affordable and still paying for it herself. Making the bridesmaids pay to attend the wedding is not really the done thing.

As an aside, there is a chance you don't know her full financial situation and while her husband might be rich, they may either not share finances or she might be financially controlled. It's not really for you to judge what others can afford.

But either way, I'd be insulted if I told someone I couldn't afford something (that they should be paying for anyway) and they said "oh it's ok, you can pay £5/£2/whatever per week". I didn't want it in the first place and now I'm entering into a finance agreement 😂

@PeppyZebra as the mother of the bride sheesh you've got off lightly financially.

If you couldn't afford any more and neither could your daughter, have less bridesmaids and a smaller wedding

One of the most selfish things you can do is dictate how other people spend their money. I’m sorry but it’s irrelevant whether in your eyes it is affordable, she has every right not to spend her money that way. For all you know, the other two brudesmaids felt the same but too shy to speak out

I’ve got nothing to add either other than I’m surprised that the other bridesmaids haven’t complained.
Bearing in mind that the bride is having a traditional wedding (with extras) a lot of which is being paid for by mum and dad, it doesn’t sit well with me ( and I bet with the other bridesmaids who don’t want to cause upset by complaining) that she’s happy to ignore the long established tradition that the bride pays for her ‘maids’

If you’re dictating anything specific (hair, dress, makeup, shoes, jewellery) then you pay for it - that’s how it works, especially if you’re wearing a £2.5k dress.

What of this wedding is your daughter actually paying for herself? Jeez

This is on your daughter, not the bridesmaid! Jeezo. Your daughter should be paying for all of this!

Yes so bloody tacky isnt it? I am not from the UK and in my country not the even the poorest person would dare to do this.

I think so too. Probably can't come out and say I think its rude you asked me to pay for my own make up so ill say I can't afford it but also op.. it could be after doing the 60k extension shes now broke so I wouldn't judge their wealth on this 🤣🤣🤣

The delusion and entitlement is strong with this one Obi Wan.

I wonder when the bride gets this from. It’s not your wedding mun. Walk away and deal.

I agree that your daughter is being unreasonable, additionally, in your shoes, I would keep well out of it and just be pleasant to whoever comes to your home on the day.

Well @PeppyZebra

You asked for advice, and you've had 15 pages.
All the advice is pretty unanimous.
Are you (ad your daughter) going to take it on board?

My best mate of 30 years expected me to pay for my own dress, hair, makeup and shoes as well as her mother expecting me to contribute to the hen do (worked out at around £50 each per person to contribute as well as our own costs) and then also said she would prefer money as a gift for a honeymoon. I was between jobs at the time and just simply couldn’t afford it all. We had a huge argument and we fell out. She still expected me to be able to do it all. I didn’t attend the wedding as we weren’t speaking and i don’t regret a single thing. We are civil now but it ruined our friendship.

Your daughter and all the other bridezillas like this, need to give their head a very big wobble!

If I was the bridesmaid being asked to pay £2.00 a week , I would agree and ask for the brides bank details.

I would then set up the direct debit to be paid into her bank account at the rate of 50 p a month , making sure it was listed to appear on her statement as

Payment to Cheapskate Bridezilla

It would take a while to pay off the “debt” and every month she would have a timely reminder of how the friendship was lost.

Oh dear @PeppyZebra seems to have flounced off! Evidently she didn’t like the replies she’s had.